


Ready to Let Go

by auroraphilealis (athousandrosepetals)



Series: Too Tense Series [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blowjobs, D/s undertones, Explicit Smut, Fluff and Angst, Growing Up, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Love, Multiple Orgasms, Rimming, Rough Sex, Skype Sex, blowjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-09
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-05-20 00:38:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 82,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14884289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athousandrosepetals/pseuds/auroraphilealis
Summary: Dan doesn’t want to go to India in February, just before Valentine’s Day, with his increasingly homophobic parents. He doesn’t want to be a lawyer, or settle down with some pretty girl one day. Dan wants to spend Valentine’s Day withPhil. He wants to be anentertainer. And he sure as hell plans on marryingPhilone day. But more than any of that, Dan just wants be himself. He wants to behappy. Sequel to Too Tense to Be Undone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [imnotinclinedtomaturity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotinclinedtomaturity/gifts).



> Special thanks to @[imnotinclinedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com) as always for supporting me CONSTANTLY and editing for me all the time. She is the best ever, and this is now here early birthday present. 1. Because I literally wrote almost all of the first one and literally ALL of the sequel for her, and 2. Because she deserves a really huge birthday present for being the most amazing friend.
> 
> Hi guys! I’m finally with the promised sequel! It’s been a really intense ride working on this, and while I’m posting before it’s complete, I know that I’m going to finish it. I’m aiming for approximately 1 chapter a week, or however quickly I can pump this thing out, but your support means the world to me! As you might have seen I was struggling a lot working on this fic the past week (more, but the last week I’ve been vocal about it on tumblr) so it would mean a lot to me to hear if you guys want more!
> 
> I’ve got three more chapters written but not edited, and I’m projecting the fic to be about 6 chapters, but if you were with me on the wild ride that was Too Tense you’ll know how quickly plans can change.
> 
> Enjoy!

The atmosphere in the kitchen was stifling. Dan wasn’t sure which was worse, the heat of the oven, or the heat of his mum’s anger, both of which felt scalding as Dan stood in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest defensively.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so difficult about this, Dan.” Dan’s mum’s voice was terse, sounding more annoyed than it had in ages. Somehow, she sounded even more annoyed than she had when Dan had come home drunk on grad night and threw up all over her favorite pair of shoes. Dan wasn’t sure entirely sure how, but she was managing it.

“You’ve been to see Phil _three times_ in the past month alone,” she continued, straightening up with a huff, hands now grappling with a hot pan of lasagna. “Why do you need to go to Manchester again instead of coming to India with your family? You used to _love_ family vacations!” she added, completely exasperated as she managed to kick the oven door closed with her foot, and placed the hot baking tin on the kitchen counter. “Lord, teenagers,” she muttered under her breath, “Ungrateful and selfish.”

Finally, she turned around to look at Dan, who was attempting to summon up the anger he knew he was going to need to fight his parents tonight. Dan’s expression was contorted into his best imitation of mature - a mask of hard indifference he’d learned from his parents over the years. His mother’s face, meanwhile, was flushed red from the heat of the oven, and her expression was set in a frustrated frown as she crossed mittened hands over her chest, clearly waiting for an answer.

“I know, I just don’t want to go on _this_ vacation,” Dan replied curtly. “I’ve sort of got plans already,” he added a bit more teresely than the situation demanded. Dan couldn’t help it, though. He had a horrible feeling he knew what was coming, and while he’d walked into the kitchen tonight with the full intent of telling his parents he had a boyfriend, and that his boyfriend was _Phil_ , he already knew he wasn’t coming out of this unscathed.

While Dan’s parents weren’t blatantly homophobic, their behavior over the years had made it clear to Dan that they’d never exactly been _okay_ with the fact that he swung both ways. Dan already knew they weren’t going to take it well when he explained why he insisted on going up to Manchester so often.

“What kind of plans could _possibly_ eclipse spending time with your family? I’m sure you can reschedule,” his mum pressed, refusing to back down.

Dan shook his head immediately. Sure, he _could_ reschedule with Phil, but the fact of the matter was, their family vacation perfectly overlapped Valentine’s Day, and Dan…

Well, Dan wasn’t exactly looking forward to spending the holiday with his parents. Not when he _could_ be spending it with his boyfriend.

Not bothering to wait for a proper response from Dan, his mum turned her back on him with a loud sigh. “Charles, can you please talk some sense into your son. I can’t _believe_ he’s acting like this,” she muttered, picking up a towel and beginning to fan her lasagna. Her movements were stiff and abrupt, belying her obvious anger. Dan tried not to cringe too hard at the display of emotion.

Dan’s father, on the other hand, slowly put down the coffee mug he’d been sipping from on the breakfast bar. Up until that point, he’d been silently observing Dan’s fight with his mother, but it wasn’t an unusual occurrence. Generally speaking, Dan knew how his parents fought - they played tag-teams.

And now it was his father’s turn.

“Come, now, Daniel. We’ve already got the plane tickets,” he said, voice a composed drawl. “You can stand one week with your family, especially if it means you knocking off messing around with that Phil bloke in Manchester.”

Instantly, Dan was on the defensive. His brows furrowed as he looked at his father, the heart of the matter having been struck far sooner than Dan had been expecting. The thing was, Dan wasn’t willing to listen to his boyfriend being bad mouthed by anyone, especially his family. It was only inevitable that he’d cause a scene.

He’d just been expecting it to take a little longer to start, that’s all.

“What the hell does that mean?” Dan asked, already feeling outraged.

“Language!” his mum berated him.

Dan snapped his mouth shut, but didn’t turn his glare away from his father.

“I’m just saying,” Dan’s father pressed, “If you’re not careful, someone’ll start thinking your _dating_ him. He’s a bit funny, isn’t he?” his father continued, nonchalant but _hard_. Dan watched as he waved his hand in the air as if the words were meaningless, but to Dan, they were anything but.

It was exactly the reaction Dan had been expecting, but that didn’t make his father’s words hurt any less.

Suddenly bristling with anger, Dan straightened up, and stared his father down head on. “And what’s _that_ supposed to mean?” he asked through gritted teeth.

With a dramatic sigh of his own, Dan’s father rolled his eyes. “I just mean he’s a bit queer, is all. I’m not so sure he’s a good influence on you or your reputation, for that matter. If you want to be a respectable lawyer someday, you need to start thinking about who you spend your time with,” he explained firmly. His eyes were stormy, like he’d known this was coming for a long time now, and he’d been waiting for the opportune moment to put his foot down on the matter.

Heat surged into Dan’s cheeks, and he took an angry step forward into the kitchen, an action that had his father’s expression darkening abruptly. There was no denying Dan’s threatening demeanor, but it was nothing compared to his father’s, and his dad was _sitting_ _down_. Nevertheless, Dan refused to back down.

The pressure from his parents, particularly his father, was too much, and Dan was sick of it.

“Who said I even wanted to be a reputable lawyer?” Dan snarled back. “And besides, what’s that got to do with Phil?” he nearly shouted.

His father let out a long suffering sigh, and took a sip of his coffee, as if Dan were merely an annoying gnat that he wanted to swat away. Dan felt his hands curl into fists at his sides at the very thought of his father dismissing him, and did his best not to just start properly shouting the way he wanted to.

“Don’t start this up again, Daniel. We’ve already decided on your plans for the future,” his dad replied. “Once you’ve settled down with a nice girl, and you’re able to support her the _proper_ way, you’ll thank me for pushing you.”

“The hell I will,” Dan replied before he could stop himself. His mind was swimming with thoughts, anger rushing through him in a way only his father could cause it to. Dan wasn’t thinking about Phil anymore though. While Dan had originally come downstairs to talk about his boyfriend, and he _still_ planned to, there were bigger issues being aroused here. Dan’s father wanted to force Dan to accept his planned future, and Dan wanted nothing more than to rail against said plan.

Dan didn’t want to be a lawyer, and while he’d spent the last few months doing whatever his parents asked of him to make _them_ happy, he wasn’t sure he even cared about making them proud of him anymore.

“I don’t want to be a lawyer. That’s _your_ dream, not mine,” Dan said, a new sense of anger surging through him. “What do I care whether or not I have a good reputation in _Wokingham_ of all places? As if I have any plans of coming back _here_ once I’ve got my degree,” Dan continued, snarling the words the way he’d wanted to for months now.

“And who the hell said I was going to settle down with some girl, anyway?” Dan continued, on a roll now. “You act like my whole life has already been planned out, but you’ve never _once_ asked me what I want!”

“Enough already, Daniel. You’re acting like a child. Your mother and I know what’s best for you -”

“Like hell you do!” Dan shouted, eyes beginning to prick with angry tears. The way his father was staring at him, as if Dan were _less_ than him, was not only demeaning, but outright painful. It made Dan want nothing more than to reach forward and slap him - a thought he hated himself for having.

Dan wasn’t a violent person, but his dad… sometimes his dad just pushed too far.

“You don’t even know what I want to do with my life!” Dan continued, when his father refused to answer Dan. “When was the last time you actually asked me what I like to do? I don’t _just_ spend all of my time playing video games and messing about on the internet the way you lot make it out to seem,” he said, his voice beginning to wobble a bit.

“And when I did tell you what I wanted to do, you mocked me for even _dreaming_ of it! What the hell is wrong with me becoming an entertainer? It’s not completely impossible, you know! Being a YouTuber is this whole new thing, and people are actually _making_ it! Phil even gets _paid_ , now! If you’d just look at my stats page for one minute, you’d see that -”

“Enough, Daniel!” his father shouted, voice thunderous, as he cut Dan off once again. He slammed his hands down on the breakfast bar, and pushed himself out of his seat, his own six foot four frame meeting Dan’s head on, and yet making Dan feel _small_ , even from almost all the way across the kitchen. “That’s enough! I told you if that silly _video_ crap of yours is going to interfere with your education, with the internship I worked so hard to secure for you, then I’d put a stop to it!” he argued. “I don’t care _what_ your stats look like, being an entertainer isn’t a viable career option for you!”

Dan was shaking with anger. All thought of why he’d originally come down here had completely fled from his mind now. All he could think about was the fact that his father was _forcing_ him to do something that they both knew Dan hated, and Dan wasn’t sure he could play pretend any longer.

The way his father had said _for you_ wasn’t sitting well with Dan either.

Before he could stop himself, before he could try and gain back some control, Dan shouted, “What’s that supposed to mean!? What, you don’t think I’m funny enough to be an entertainer? Or is it that I’m not attractive enough? Or better yet, do you reckon it has something to do with the fact that I’m _gay?_ ”

Everyone froze.

The kitchen, which had previously been filled with the sound of his mum making dinner, the sound of Dan screaming at his father and his father shouting back, suddenly went deathly quiet. Dan’s breathing stopped as he realized what he’d just said, adrenaline rushing through his veins. His mind was spinning, and while the words weren’t untrue, weren’t even a secret from his parents, they were still a topic his family usually skirted around so carefully that saying the word aloud was as bad as swearing.

Dan’s father looked _beyond_ furious, shaking with anger, and his mum… well, his mum was curled over her lasagna, completely still.

If Dan didn’t know any better, he’d say that not one single person in the room was breathing. But they had to be. The way his father's chest was absolutely _heaving_ spoke volumes on its own.

In an attempt not to do something any _more_ stupid, Dan squeezed his hands into fists and dug his fingernails into his skin, waiting for the dam to break, and for all hell to break loose.

It came in a far less violent manner than Dan had been imagining.

“You’re not gay, Daniel,” his father eventually replied, teeth gritted, his voice a quiet, almost inaudible murmur.

Somehow, the quiet tone, the reserved anger, felt worse than if his father had outright screamed at him.

Even so, Dan couldn’t seem to help himself. He barked out a humorless laugh, and rolled his eyes. Riding high on the adrenaline, Dan replied, “Fine, I’m not gay. I’m _bisexual_. Does it really make a difference?” The words didn’t really come out as a question, more as a statement. Dan pushed on, his fury taking over. “Do you really care what I call myself? Does it really matter? Because from what I’m getting, all you care about is whether or not I shack up with a girl and go to law school to live _your_ dream _!”_

In a rare fit of rage Dan hardly saw from his father, his dad swung at his coffee mug, and sent it flying. Coffee flew everywhere, spraying not only Dan’s mum, but her lasagna as well, ruining it in an instant. The mug shattered against the kitchen wall, sending shards of glass _everywhere_.

“Charles!” Dan’s mum shouted, shocked. She sprung back, recoiling from the shattered mug and the splatter of her home made food. Dan found himself flinching as well, but he was far too angry to stop fighting now.

He could feel his heart pounding fast against his ribs, and every inch of him felt like it was vibrating. He was done with his parents’ bullshit, done with his father acting as if _Dan_ were the one in the wrong. For the first time in Dan’s life, he felt like he could actually take his parents head on.

“Don’t you talk to me like that, Daniel!” his dad shouted.

“Don’t talk to you how? Honestly?” Dan challenged, stalking forward, “Making sure that you know good and well that this is _not_ the life that _I_ chose for myself? Or is it the fact that I’m not letting you and mum beat around the bush about my sexual preferences anymore?” Dan barked out another humorless laugh. “Admit it. The only reason you ever insisted I stick it out with my cheating ex-girlfriend was because you were afraid I’d run off and fuck boys if she was out of the picture!”

“Watch your language, young man!” Dan’s mum shouted, her voice shrill and filled with horror. “Your father’s right, that’s enough! What on Earth has gotten into you?” she demanded, finally turning around.

Her eyes were rimmed with red, her gaze not quite falling on Dan.

Somehow that only made Dan feel _worse_.

What had gotten into him? What had gotten _into him_? How could his parents not _know_ , how could they not _see_ that Dan was trying to fight against the box they were attempting to force him into? How could they not see how badly they were hurting him? How could they not understand that for once in Dan’s life, he was just trying to stick up for himself?

Dan wanted to cry. He wanted to grab something and hurl it at the wall, same as his father had done. He wanted to make the pain go away, in any way he could.

But the only way Dan could think of was to hurt his parents the way they’d hurt him, and the only way he could think to do _that_ was to tell them what he’d come down here to say.

It just sucked that suddenly, Dan felt like he was using Phil as a weapon.

“I have a boyfriend, mum,” Dan declared, furious now, spitting the words out like they were acid. “Phil’s my boyfriend, and the reason I don’t want to go on vacation with _you guys_ is because I’d rather spend Valentine’s Day with someone who actually _loves_ me!”

Once again, the kitchen fell into shocked silence. Dan’s outburst seemed to be the last straw for both of his parents. Dan’s mum whirled away from Dan, knocking her hip into the tray of lasagna she’d baked, and sending it falling to the floor. The sound of glass shattering broke the silence, followed quickly by the sound of a horrified sob.

Dan’s father’s face had turned purple in fury, and he stalked around the breakfast bar and straight towards Dan so quickly that Dan actually thought his father was going to hit him.

He didn’t. Instead, he stopped mere centimeters away from Dan, somehow towering over him with a look that could turn anyone to stone.

“That’s enough,” he said again, this time his voice filled with so much venom, so much _hate_ , that Dan actually fell silent. Suddenly, the adrenaline rush that had allowed Dan to speak to his parents like _that_ fled from him, and his eyes grew wide. Unconsciously, Dan shrunk away from his father.

“That’s enough, Daniel,” he repeated. “I don’t care who you think you are. As far as I’m concerned, you _will_ study law, and you _will_ settle down one day with a proper girl. Whatever you have with that _friend_ of yours ends now. Do you understand me?” he barked.

Limbs trembling, Dan slowly shook his head.

His father’s eyes turned murderous.

“Go to your room,” he ordered. “If you insist on acting like a child, then I’ll _treat_ you like a child.”

Without another word, Dan’s father turned around and stormed from the room. A few seconds later, the sound of the back door being slammed echoed throughout the house.

Dan stood, stunned, in the middle of the kitchen, listening to his mother quietly sob, and wishing, for the first time all night, that he’d handled this differently.

He’d known when he’d come downstairs earlier in the evening that things were going to dissolve into a fight. But he hadn’t been expecting _this_.

“You heard your father,” Dan’s mum spoke up suddenly, her voice broken by tears, but no less angry than his father's had been. “Go upstairs. I don’t want to see you right now.”

Woodenly, Dan turned on his heel, and walked away. Every part of his body was shaking, and now that the adrenaline was bleeding out of his body, he felt nothing but exhaustion. For a moment, he was numb. There was so much going through his head, so much his body was trying to process, that Dan moved on autopilot, following his parents orders for lack of anything better to do.

But then the tears that had begun to fill his eyes spilled over, and Dan was hit with a wave of pain, of anger, and of resentment.

His heart felt heavy in his chest. He could hear his mum sobbing in the kitchen, and the sound of his dad’s horrible, angry words refused to stop echoing in his head. He’d known tonight would be messy, he’d known that things might not go his way, and that he might get stuck going on that trip to India with his parents, but he’d chosen to tell his parents about Phil anyway.

He hadn’t known to predict _this_ kind of outrage .

He hadn’t expected his father to tell him to end things with Phil. He hadn’t expected to be told that he _would_ marry a woman one day, that he _had_ to marry a woman one day. Dan might be eighteen now, he might legally be an adult who could make his own choices, but tonight his parents had made him feel like a child all over again. Suddenly, he only had two choices: obey his parents, or lose them forever.

Losing his parents didn’t have to be the worst thing in the world, but Dan had never, _never_ expected their reaction to him having a boyfriend to be _this_ bad. He’d never expected to have to make this choice.

And it hurt.

But more than anything else, it made Dan angry. How _dare_ his parents insist that Dan let go of everything he wanted, everything he _loved_ , just for their own personal satisfaction? How dare they not only tell Dan that he didn’t have what it took to become an entertainer, Dan’s one and _only_ dream since he’d turned sixteen, but that he also wasn’t allowed to find love in a man?

How dare they try and take Phil away from him?

Dan felt like a blob of confused emotions, with tears dripping down his cheeks, and his heart pounding from the terror his dad could still instill in him. The anger that had pushed him to scream at his parents like that, however, refused to leave. It pumped through his veins and kept him agitated, practically spinning in place as he stormed up the stairs.

The moment Dan reached the upstairs landing, however, the anger drained out of him, because he could see his brother stood just outside of his bedroom door. Having forgotten amidst all of the yelling that Adrian was home, Dan came to an abrupt halt, peering into the dark hallway with tears still dripping down his cheeks.

It took a moment for Dan’s gaze to focus, but when it did, he realized that Adrian was crying too.

“Adrian,” Dan murmured, suddenly terrified. The rejection of his parents had hurt enough, but Dan hadn’t even _thought_ about his brother. It wasn’t that he and Adrian were super close or anything, but Adrian was _still_ his brother. And Dan loved him. He really did. The last thing he wanted was for Adrian to hate too.

Biting his bottom lip, Dan found himself unable to step forward, or say another word. He was petrified, and while he still felt angry, he also suddenly felt overwhelmed with grief.

For a long, drawn out moment, neither male said anything. And then:

“ _I_ love you,” Adrian mumbled, gaze catching Dan’s and holding on fiercely. “Not just Phil,” he insisted.

Dan could see his bottom lip wobbling, could see his hands shaking on the frame of his bedroom door. He could see Adrian holding back any more tears, forcing his voice to stay steady, to stay _stern_.

The sight of his brother trying so hard for Dan caused him to let out a choked sounding sob, and he nodded his head vigorously in response, unable to open his mouth and respond.

For a moment, Dan considered rushing forward and dragging Adrian into a fervent hug in thank you for being so supportive of him, but he found that he couldn’t. He had a horrible feeling that he was about to fall apart, and the last thing he wanted was to do so in front of his brother.

Movements jerky, Dan tried to rush past Adrian and into his own room, but before he could, Adrian reached out and touched him - his touch gentle on the inside of Dan’s arm. Startled, Dan stopped, and turned to look at his brother.

Adrian’s expression was even more fierce up close.

“They’re wrong,” he insisted. “You can do anything you want.”

A second overwhelming surge of emotion rolled over Dan, and he let out a shocked, happy laugh. There was a huge lump in his throat, building with each passing second, but the reassurance, the acceptance, the downright loyalty coming from his brother made him feel stronger.

“Thank you,” he mumbled through tight lips, offering the wobbliest smile he’d ever felt, hoping that Adrian would be able to tell how much this meant to him.

Adrian nodded back, far more strongly than Dan had earlier, and turned on his heel to push back into his own room. He didn’t linger. Adrian never lingered. In fact, Adrian wasn’t big on words, or emotions. What he’d given Dan tonight had been a truly surprising gift, but a welcome one nonetheless.

Smiling a little, feeling a small sense of hope in his belly, Dan managed to make it the rest of the way to his room before falling apart. The moment his door shut behind him, he fell backwards against it, and let himself slip down it until he was sat on the floor. Angry sobs pushed at his chest as Dan battled his own emotions, and tried to pull himself together all at the same time.

So much had happened in such a short amount of time, and he didn’t know how to process it. Dan was still reeling from the fight, from the accusation that he would never make it as an entertainer, from the pain of being rejected for loving a _boy_. Dan just couldn’t understand what could possibly inspire so much hate inside of a person that they would reject their own _son_.

Curling in on himself, Dan drew his legs to his chest, and held on tight. With his face tucked into his knees, he let himself fall apart. Painful sobs wracked his body, and no matter how hard he bit his lip, whimpers and gasps for breath broke the silence of his bedroom. His fingers were gripping so tight to his knees that he could feel his fingernails practically piercing through the fabric of his jeans.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to rail against the confines of his own bedroom, of his entire _house_ , if it only meant that he could set himself free from this misery. All the people who’d ever said he’d go to hell for liking other men had been right - only hell wasn’t a place in the afterlife, it was a very real place on Earth. Dan knew because it felt as if he’d been cast down into it.

Not only was he being rejected for liking men, for having a _boyfriend_ and refusing to agree to give him up, but he was being rejected for wanting to find his own path in life. What kind of a fucked up family dynamic was that?

When had Dan’s life become his father’s? When had Dan stopped fighting for what he wanted? Shouldn’t Dan be the one deciding his own future?

He couldn’t do this anymore. He needed to get out.

He couldn’t keep living like this, and the first step was leaving before his parents could come upstairs and force him to live their lie.

Only Dan had nowhere to go.

All of his friends had taken off for uni the second they’d finished secondary school, and the ones who hadn’t had long moved away from Wokingham, most of which he didn’t even have the numbers for anymore. It had been a long time since Dan had gone to someone’s party, or bothered to keep up with them - especially since he’d gotten together with Phil.

Wait.

Phil.

Why hadn’t Dan thought of it before? If there was one person in Dan’s life who he could always count on, it was Phil. Dan just hoped he didn’t have any plans for the weekend, because like hell was Dan staying at his own house for one second longer than he had to. He’d come back the day before India, that should be enough time to let his parents cool down, and for Dan to get enough of a hold of himself to figure out where he was going to go from here.

Plus. It meant spending time with Phil, and that was something Dan would find any excuse for ever.

Dropping his arms from around his legs, Dan reached up to scrub at his eyes viciously, trying to shove away all of his feelings, and pull himself together _just enough_ to call Phil and make sure it was okay for him make the trip up there for the weekend. His knees shook as he attempted to push himself up into a standing position, but he braced himself on his door with his hands, and managed it well enough.

Searching his pocket for his phone, Dan realized he hadn’t taken it downstairs with him. He vaguely remembered not wanting to have it go off in the middle of his conversation with his parents and leaving it upstairs plugged in. Sniffling a little, Dan pushed himself to walk to his bed, and collapsed on top of the covers the moment he found it.

He felt intensely weak. The combination of the adrenaline rush, the crying, and the fight with his parents had worn him out. Nevertheless, Dan rolled to the edge near his bedside table and grappled for his phone.

Fingers shaking, Dan managed to unlock his phone, and jabbed the contact button. Phil was at the top of his “recent” menu, so Dan clicked on his name, and jammed the _call_ button.

As soon as his phone was pressed to his ear, Dan rolled onto his stomach, allowing himself to melt into the comfort of his bed. The tears hadn’t _really_ stopped just because Dan had forced himself to stop sobbing, and he could feel himself continuing to sniffle, but he’d already accepted that hiding the fact that he was upset was going to be a lost cause. He just hoped that Phil wouldn’t push too much when he heard just how choked up Dan sounded.

It took three rings for Phil to pick up, but when he did, the soft sound of his voice washed over Dan like a warm balm.

“Dan,” Phil murmured, a husky chuckle escaping his lips. “There you are,” he added. “I was beginning to think you’d gotten tired of me. I haven’t heard from you all day.”

Dan snorted, his lips turning up into a smile. The very idea of Dan ever getting tired of Phil was downright ridiculous.

“Unlikely,” Dan replied, sniffling a little. “I was just busy earlier. What you’re doing this weekend?” he asked, apropos of nothing. His voice was raspy, and Phil had to be able to tell that Dan was crying, but Dan couldn’t seem to hold it back. A second wave of tears slipped down his cheeks as Dan cleared his throat.

“Dan?” Phil asked, suddenly sounding far less warm, and far more panicked, as he picked up on the sound of Dan’s voice. “What’s wrong, bear? Did something happen?”

Dan shook his head even though he knew Phil couldn’t see him, and forced himself to let out another chuckle. The sound of his childhood nickname, the one his _parents_ had given him, rolling off of Phil’s tongue hurt more than it probably should.

Dan wanted that name to mean something good again.

“Kind of,” he admitted after a moment, because there was no use in lying, “But it doesn’t matter right now. I don’t want to think about it. Are you doing anything this weekend?” Dan asked again, pushing past the conversation about _what was wrong_.

Phil hesitated.

For a moment, Dan tensed, terrified his boyfriend was going to say yes, or worse, push for more information. But after another moment, Phil let out a deep breath, and said, “No, not really. I was just planning on filming a video or something, but it can wait.”

There was no disguising the worry in Phil’s voice, or the fact that he _really_ sounded like he wanted to push, to ask Dan what was going on.

Before Phil could do just that, Dan said, “Great, I’ll see you tomorrow then, okay? Let your parents know I’ll be staying for the weekend.”

Phil didn’t even try to protest, though he did sound confused when he spoke again.

“Wait, really? Are you serious? Are you sure that’s okay? I thought your parents wanted you home to pack for India?”

Dan tried not to snap at Phil the way he’d snapped at his parents earlier.

“We’re leaving Tuesday. As long as I’m home by Monday I don’t think they have very much room to complain.” In an attempt to change the subject again, Dan added, “I hope your parents won’t mind too much.”

“Are you kidding, Dan? My parents love you!” Phil insisted immediately. “They’ll be happy to have you. I think they’re surprised you haven’t been around since last Tuesday, actually,” he admitted.

Surprised, Dan let out a bark of laughter. “Really?” he asked, unable to help himself. After the hell evening he’d just had, Dan had almost expected Phil to tell him that his parents hated Dan too.

“Really, really,” Phil agreed instantly. “They adore you. Sometimes I think they like you more than me,” he teased.

Rolling his eyes, Dan laughed the words away. “Yeah right, Phil. Who couldn’t love you?”

“You’d be surprised,” Phil muttered, drawing the conversation into the more natural pattern of his and Dan’s usual conversations. They argued playfully, Phil whining at Dan and insisting that there was plenty wrong with him that Dan just didn’t know about yet. Dan refuted Phil’s claim easily, and demanded Phil to prove it.

Phil did his best too, recounting story after story to Dan, but no matter how hard he tried, Dan never once gave in. There was nothing that could convince Dan that Phil wasn’t wonderful.

As the conversation continued, Dan found himself able to momentarily forget about his parents, thoughts of them disappearing and being replaced with thoughts of Phil. They talked about literally nothing, but it was better than anything Dan had ever talked about before, because it was Phil. As they traded stories, sharing personal histories and catching each other up on their lives, Dan felt all of his pain start to melt away.

They talked for a couple of hours. Neither of Dan’s parents ever came upstairs to talk to him, to interrupt him or yell at him some more. Once, Dan heard his father come back home, storming into the house, but he never came upstairs. Dan was left on his own to talk to Phil for as long as he might want.

When midnight eventually rolled around, and Phil started yawning, however, Dan realized that he was going to have to let Phil go. While they normally stayed up all hours of the night talking, Phil had gotten up that morning at eight am for a trip down to Manchester City Center to visit some friends and film some videos - thankfully sans Charlie, this time. While that wasn’t early by some people’s standards, Phil had been up until four the night before indulging Dan in a quest on Guild Wars, which Phil was really quite terrible at.

So it was no surprise to Dan that Phil was on the verge of collapsing with exhaustion so early. Dan said goodbye as good naturedly as he could manage.

“Are you going to be okay?” Phil asked, just before he hung up the phone. His tone was hushed, like he didn’t really want to ask, but knew he needed to. Dan inhaled sharply, jolted out of his good thoughts by the reminder that Phil knew something was wrong, and that Dan needed to explain to Phil eventually.

Not tonight, thought. Not while Dan was still trapped inside this hell hole.

Managing a small smile despite the fact that Phil couldn’t see him, Dan nodded his head and said, “I’ll be fine, Phil.”

Dan wasn’t sure if it was a lie, or the truth, but he certainly _felt_ better than he had earlier.

“Alright,” Phil agreed after a moment, “If you’re sure.”

Working up all the courage that he had, Dan said, “I’m sure.”

They didn’t waffle any longer, no matter how badly Dan wanted to. Phil murmured a sweet _I love you_ , and Dan whispered one back, before they hung up. Dan let Phil do the honors, not wanting to be the one to end the phone call, and sighed when the beep of a disconnected call reached his ears.

Sighing, Dan let his phone fall onto his bed, and rolled over onto his back. Suddenly, he was very, very alone, staring up at his dark ceiling, with the sound of his parents moving around downstairs, murmuring to each other, ringing in his ears.

Dan closed his eyes, wishing that Phil could have stayed on the phone with him for just a little bit longer. Phil needed sleep, though, and Dan would seem tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Right.

Sitting up, Dan leaned over the side of his bed and quickly retrieved his laptop. He had train tickets to book, because he sure as hell wasn’t planning to stay _here_ any longer than absolutely necessary. Confident in the fact that his parents were unlikely to come bother Dan at this time of night, Dan booted up his laptop, and went straight to _Trainline_.

The earliest train to Manchester Piccadilly was 4:40 am, with a return time of Monday at 1 in the afternoon. Not even blinking at the 70 pound price, Dan booked the ticket instantly. Normally, he planned ahead so he could find cheaper tickets, but tonight was an emergency.

Closing his laptop once the confirmation appeared in his email, Dan got out of bed and flipped on his lightswitch. The sudden brightness had Dan blinking his eyes owlishly for a moment before he adjusted to it.

He could still hear his parents voices carrying softly up the stairway, not quite loud enough to make out the words, but still enough for Dan to know they were talking. Figuring he was safe enough, Dan quietly begun to move about his room, packing a few sets of clothes and his laptop for his trip to Phil’s. As soon as it was full, Dan sipped it closed.

If all went well this morning, he’d be out of the house before his parents had even woken up. There wouldn’t be a second conversation, there wouldn’t be a demand that Dan stay home, that he stop seeing Phil _immediately_ , or that he get out before his parents _kicked_ him out.

This was Dan’s decision, and no one was going to stop him.

Shoving his packed suitcase in the corner of his room, where his parents hopefully wouldn’t find it if they came in to check on Dan that night, Dan turned off his bedroom light again, and crawled into bed. He was still dressed in the jeans and t-shirt he’d pulled on that morning, but it was all the better if Dan was planning to get up in three hours.

Setting an alarm on his phone, and plugging the device in, Dan yawned and did his best to sleep.

But sleep never came.

The fight he’d had with his parents kept flashing through his mind. His father’s harsh words, the sound of his own blood pulsing through his veins, kept pushing at Dan’s brain, forcing him to hear it over and over again. He couldn’t relax, his body tense and wound tight. A mixture of anger and pain raced through him, forcing him into limbo between asleep and wide awake.

He never really drifted, he didn’t think. He just kept imagining the look on his father’s face, the way his mum had refused to look at him, Adrian’s soft, caring words, the fierceness in his expression. He just kept reminding himself of how Phil made him feel, and shoved back at the part of his brain that felt overwhelming _shame_ for being gay.

A few times, Dan had to shove his face into his pillow in order to scream, desperate for some kind of relief, but mostly, he just cried.

And cried.

And cried some more.

By the time 3am rolled around, Dan’s alarm going off to let him know, Dan couldn’t take it anymore. He was _glad_ for it being time to get up.

His stomach felt hollow from lack of food, and his mind was hazy with the need for sleep, but more than that, his body ached with the need to just _escape_. He couldn’t say in this house any longer.

Besides. It was a good fifteen minutes to the train station from Wokingham. Dan could walk there, and extend it to an hour. Then, he’d just need to wait about _another_ hour for his train.

He could do that.

It was better than staying at home.

Dragging himself out of bed, Dan rubbed at his face in an attempt to wake himself up some more, and, in the dark of his bedroom, moved around looking for his shoes. Once he found a suitable pair, he dragged them on over a pair of socks, and started digging around in his dresser for his headphones.

Once he’d secured those, he shoved them into his pocket, along with his phone, wallet, and keys, and then grabbed his suitcase and headed for his bedroom door. He couldn’t hear his parents speaking downstairs anymore, but he’d never quite heard them go to bed.

Part of him was afraid he’d tried to make his way downstairs and run straight into his parents, but another part of him, a _bigger_ part of him, didn’t care. He just needed out, and there was nothing his parents could do to stop him.

There was nothing that would keep Dan from making that train journey today.

Still. Just in case his parents _had_ gone to bed sometime in the three hours Dan had attempted sleep, Dan creeped out of his bedroom, and lugged his suitcase quietly down the stairs by holding it securely in his arms. The moment he hit the bottom step, he placed it down, and turned to see that the lights in the kitchen were still on.

His breath caught in his lungs, and he felt the strength in his legs start to give.

No one was speaking, that much was evident, but Dan knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that at least one of his parents was still in the kitchen. They had to be. Or else the light wouldn’t be on. Dan could only hope it was his mum, and not his dad.

Doing his best to summon up the courage, the _drive_ to escape, Dan took in a deep breath, and forced himself into motion. His suitcase rolled quietly on the carpet behind him. Dan’s entire body was tensed, ready for another fight, ready to _flee_ if need be.

He passed by the open archway to the kitchen, and turned his head, freezing immediately.

On the other side of the breakfast bar were both of Dan’s parents sat side by side, nursing what looked to be mugs of coffee.The broken shards of Dan’s father’s mug, and the ruined lasagne dish, were swept neatly into a corner of the kitchen, but not properly disposed of.

Dan’s mum looked up.

Their eyes met.

Her eyes, normally a vibrant, warm brown, were dull. She stared for only a moment, before she looked away. The shame on her face was clear.

It only took another moment for her to shove away from her seat, and walk away. The action seemed to startled Dan’s father, who looked up, followed her movements, and then turned and caught sight of Dan.

His face twisted back into the grimace from earlier, his hands coming down to the counter as he shoved his chair back, scraping the legs against the floor. “Where do you think you’re going?” he demanded, catching sight of Dan’s luggage.

Frozen, Dan said nothing.

That only seemed to make his father even more angry.

“Who said you could leave the house? What the _hell_ do you think you’re doing?”

Dan still didn’t respond. His heart was pounding so hard he could hear it in his ears. He didn’t know whether to scream, or cry.

“Well!?” his father near screamed, “I asked you a question!”

“I’m going to see Phil,” Dan blurted out, tense with a new surge of adrenaline, eyes darting everywhere, unable to meet his father’s gaze.

“Excuse me?” his father demanded. “Who said you could -”

“ _I_ did,” Dan insisted suddenly, his blood beginning to boil at his father’s attitude, at the fact that his father was treating him like a _child_. “I’m 18 now, you can’t stop me,” he added, knowing, even as he spoke, that he was only making things worse. “And I’m going to go see Phil, my _boyfriend_ before _you_ lot ship me off to india for some _bloody family vacation._ ”

The words were ice cold, and in a way, Dan wasn’t sure where they had come from. His hands were trembling, and there was a part of him that thought his father was going to come over there and slap him for saying such _dirty_ words in his home, but he didn’t.

He didn’t get the chance.

He hadn’t so much as took a step forward, ready to race around the breakfast bar and physically _restrain_ Dan from leaving, before Dan was out the front door, slamming it shut behind him and practically _running_ for the bus stop.

He didn’t know whether the action was from a need to get away from his parents, or to reach Phil faster, but he wasn’t going to question it. He just let the momentum of his legs carry him as far as they could manage before his breath eventually gave out, and he was a few meters away from the bus station. A small group of people were huddled up in coats in front of the bus stand, a beacon that would surely make the bus come to a stop, so Dan bent double and allowed himself to catch his breath for just a moment.

By the time he’d straightened back up, Dan realized that he’d begin to cry once again.

The February wind nipped at his cheeks, not cold enough to freeze the tears to his skin, but cold enough to make them burn. Reaching up, Dan swiped them away, and jogged to the group just in time for the bus to pull up.

But he wasn't getting on it. No. He was hiding in the small crowd in the hopes that if his father _had_ tried to race after him, he’d think that Dan was getting on the bus, and he’d leave him the hell alone. Not nearly bundled up as much as he should be for the chill of the 3am air, Dan glanced behind him, only to find the pavement startling bare.

There was no tall, imposing figure chasing after him. There was no blurry shape glaring at him from a block away.

There was nothing.

Just the cool night air steaming up in front of Dan, and the bright lights of the street lamps illuminating the path Dan had just taken.

Unsure whether he felt relieved, or even more hurt, Dan stilled.

Everything suddenly felt eerie. It was as if Dan had exited one universe, and walked right into another. His heart racing, Dan felt… free.

“You getting on, mate?” the bus driver asked, knocked Dan out of his thoughts. Whirling around, Dan turned away from the empty street in front of him and looked up into the bus.

“No,” Dan mumbled, “No, I - No. I’m just going to walk,” he answered, stumbling over the words. His teeth were beginning to chatter. Dan shoved one hand deep into his pocket in an attempt to keep it warm, and shook his head once again for good measure.

The bus driver peered at Dan for another moment before shrugging his shoulders, and closing the bus doors. Dan watched as the man drove away, taking off down the street in the same direction Dan was headed.

He should have gotten on the bus.

But Dan didn’t think he could handle sitting still for an extra fifteen minutes more than he had too. The train ride to Manchester was going to be hell enough. Dan could only hope that the walk to the train station would be enough to tire him out enough to sleep on the train.

Taking one last look behind him, towards the direction of his house, Dan searched for any sign of his father, and when he found none, he turned, and walked away.

**

The train was at least warm when Dan climbed onto it at 4:50, ten minutes later than his departure ticket had claimed. Dan was too numb to care, shoving his luggage into the seat next to him in the hopes that anyone else ridiculous enough to take a train this early wouldn’t attempt to sit by him. Digging his headphones out of his pocket, Dan shoved them into his ears, and started a playlist on his phone, thankful he’d thought to charge it before he’d attempted to sleep the previous night. He could only hope the 73% battery life would be enough to get him through the four hour train ride to Manchester.

Before Dan could forget, however, he sent Phil a quick text letting him know he’d be arriving at the station about 9, and hoping that Phil would wake up early enough to see it. If worse came to worst, Dan knew the bus trip to Phil’s by heart by now, but he’d rather not take it alone if he didn’t have to.

With a heavy sigh, Dan leaned the side of his head against the window next to him, and allowed himself to drown in the sound of Matt Bellamy's voice, letting it lull him to sleep.

He drifted off before the train even started moving. It was a good thing, too, because it gave Dan a solid four hours of blissful rest from thinking about his parents. His sleep wasn’t dreamless, but his dreams were fuzzy and unclear, at least, allowing Dan _some_ peace. By the time he was being woken up by another passenger encouraging him to get off the train, Dan felt a little bit better than he had when he’d first climbed on.

The swirling pain of his parents’ rejection, the aching anger that had pushed him as far as he’d come in the last 12 hours, was more a dull ache in the back of his mind, now. Dan was thankful for the small reprieve, and climbed off of the train, carting his luggage along behind him.

His phone was even still alive, not that Dan noticed until he’d disembarked. He was jolted into awareness by the sudden beeping of a nearly dead phone, and his music shutting off. Looking down, Dan pressed the power button, and sighed at the 10% warning. Worse than that, there was no text reply from Phil, which told Dan all that he needed to know - Phil was still sleeping.

God, Dan wished that were him.

Leaving his headphones in in the hopes that he’d be left alone, Dan exited out of his music app in an attempt to preserve whatever was left of his battery power, and started making the trek to the bus stop he and Phil usually walked to together. His legs ached a bit, probably from all the running Dan had put them throug, but he kept moving regardless.

He just wanted to be in Phil’s arms. That was all that mattered to him anymore. He wanted the comfort of his boyfriend wrapped around him, the comfort of knowing he was _loved_. But more than that, he wanted the reminder that he _belonged_ to someone.

Because Dan didn’t belong to his parents anymore. He didn’t belong with the Howells. He belonged with Phil.

As Dan made his way around the corner to the bus, which was thankfully already stopped and waiting for any stragglers to jump on, Dan dug around in his pockets for his bus fare. After paying that, he moved to the back of the bus, where is was the most empty, and pressed his forehead to the glass of the window in order to watch Manchester pass him by.

He and Phil had talked about living here, once upon a time. It had only partially been a joke, a long dream of Phil’s and something that Dan would give anything to be a part of. They’d discussed how they’d both get real jobs and find a nice apartment to stay in, with one bedroom if they had to, though Dan wanted a room for them _both_ to have a YouTube set, and a breakfast bar, because Dan wanted a thousand more three hour breakfasts if he could get them.

They’d talked about filming videos together, and their audience growing. They talked about one day maybe even getting a chance to work with other big YouTube channels, maybe even the entertainment industry _outside_ of Youtube in some capacity, even it was something as simple as guest starring a few times.

They shared two common dreams: being together, and being entertainers. They were just two boys who wanted to make others happy, and maybe one day, use their voices to do good.

The very thought of it brought angry tears to his eyes, because his parents wanted nothing more than to take that _away_.

Maybe Dan could get a job sooner rather than later. Maybe Dan could give up on Uni altogether. Maybe he and Phil could get that apartment _soon_ instead of after Dan had graduated or whatever. Maybe Dan could just leave his parents, and be okay.

God, he hoped so.

Eventually, the bus pulled up a few blocks away from Phil’s home in Rawtenstall, and Dan disembarked with a half hearted wave at the bus driver. He was the last stop on the bus route, and he felt kind of bad having been the last rider, but the bus driver just tipped his chin at Dan, and drove away once Dan had climbed off.

Still consumed by the very real anger coursing through him after the long morning he’d had, Dan started to make his way to Phil’s, hoping that someone would be awake to open the door. It was - Dan checked the time on his phone - just pushing 9:30 in the morning. _Surely_ Phil’s parents would be home.

But when Dan turned the corner onto Phil’s street, he realized that neither of Phil’s parents’ cars were in the lot. For a moment, Dan stopped walking, shocked and more than a little bit happy at the sudden change in circumstance. Dan hadn’t imagined Phil’s parents would be at work when he arrived today, but of course they were. It _was_ a Friday, after all.

Did that mean he and Phil would have the house to themselves?

The thought was an exciting one to Dan, who wanted nothing more than to bury his sorrow in the solace of Phil’s touch. He’d been ready to accept cuddles and possibly a quick, quiet bout of sex in the middle of the night - _hours_ after Dan had arrived, but _now_ …

Now Dan could have what he truly wanted from Phil just then. Now he could indulge in the comfort of Phil’s very physical love for him.

Only Dan wasn’t in the mood for sweet. No, the anger simmering low in his veins made him want something more heated than _sweet_. Dan just didn’t know whether or not he’d be able to convince Phil to give it to him. They’d never been _that_ rough with each other before - not as rough as Dan needed right now.

So Dan was a bit of a masochist, but who could blame him? He’d gone eighteen years without an orgasm, it almost seemed natural now that the achy feeling that came with denial, with _pain_ , and the feeling of his balls curling tight to his body with no release in sight, would transfer into a kink once Dan had figured out just how he could make that pain _stop_.

He wanted, needed, _craved_ rough, today. And he wanted Phil to mark Dan up so viciously that there would be no doubt in anyone’s mind who Dan belonged to - so viciously that his parents wouldn’t be able to pretend that Phil was just Dan’s _friend_.

He wanted Phil. He wasn’t ashamed of Phil. He loved him, and he’d fight for him, every day if he had too.

Just like he had last night. And that morning.

Dan pressed his phone to his ear the moment he stepped onto Phil’s doorstep, ringing Phil at the same time as he pressed the doorbell. A part of him was terrified that Mr. or Mrs. Lester would answer the door instead of Phil, and ruin his sudden and abrupt plans for the morning, so he only pressed the doorbell once _just in case_.

After all, he didn’t need the _Lester’s_ hating him, too.

As Dan’s phone rang out and sent him to Phil’s voicemail, Dan found himself chuckling and rolling his eyes. _Of course_ his boyfriend was still asleep. Dan had _said_ he was going to come in as early as possible, but clearly Phil wasn’t any more used to waking up early than Dan was. That was too bad, because as soon as Phil woke up, he was going to be getting one hell of a wake up call.

Pulling his phone away from his ear, Dan redialed Phil’s number, and waited impatiently on the doorstep for the call to be put through. No one was answering the door, either.

Dan’s phone call rang out again, and Phil’s all too familiar voicemail played for him a second time.

Just as Dan was about to pull his phone away from his ear and call Phil once more, the sound of pounding feet came from inside, and then Phil’s door was rather suddenly wrenched open. Surprised, Dan’s eyes went wide and he nearly dropped his phone as he took a step backwards.

Holy _shit_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to [@imnotinclinedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtaomaturity.tumblr.com) for having a look over this even while she was on vacation, and some before that. You’re a good bean. With that said, I edited tonight was too excited to wait for Kat to look over it before posting, so any mistakes are mine. Also thanks to [@thoughtfullightcollectionii](http://thoughtfullightcollectionii.tumblr.com) for reassuring me that good writing doesn’t always mean being perfect, or making your characters perfect <3
> 
> This chapter in particular was both really, really, really fun to write, and insanely difficult. Due to the subject matter, it’s really no surprise that I feel like I need to give a special warning to this chapter. It does contain rough sex, and less communication than I prefer writing; however there is intent behind everything I do. I promise all the events that occur were well thought out with the express intention of making sure that the story remains a healthy relationship overall, while combating the realities of what it’s like to be in any relationship.
> 
> Therefore, in this chapter you may find that some things feel a little bit like a consent issue. I did my absolute best to make SURE that it doesn’t come across that way, but I do worry that some things might seem a bit less clear cut. Again, that is because both characters are engaging in something consensual, but are also caught up in the moment, so asking questions isn’t always something they think of.
> 
> Again, it will all make sense in the end, and I truly hope you enjoy this chapter!

Holy _shit._

“Ah!” Dan exclaimed, taking a sudden step backwards as the door was wrenched open. He’d half been expecting to see Mr. or Mrs. Lester on the other side of the door, but instead it was Phil himself - sleep rumpled and wearing nothing more than a pair of red and black checkered sleep shorts and -

His black rimmed glasses sat perched on his nose.

Fuck. _Fuck_.

Eyes wide, Dan could do nothing but stare in absolute awe at his boyfriend, his mouth hanging open in a position that probably wasn’t the least bit attractive. But Dan couldn’t help himself.

He’d never seen Phil in his glasses before. Since the first time Dan had come over, and every night following, Phil had flat out refused to wear his glasses around Dan. More often than not, he either accidentally fell asleep in his contacts, or waited until they were both half asleep before getting up to take them off. Either way, despite his glasses being _around_ , Phil seemed to go to great lengths not to appear in front of Dan wearing them.

Until today.

The sudden appearance of Phil, not only half naked but looking like a literal _snack_ was almost to much for Dan. He wasn’t sure his heart could take it. Phil just looked so fucking sexy Dan wanted nothing more than pounce on him right then and there. Dan had a feeling he was going to have to beg Phil to give him some warning the next time he planned to wear his glasses, because otherwise the sight was going to send him into an early grave.

If only Dan’s parents could see him now, stiffening in his jeans while he stared at his older, half-naked boyfriend as stood in the entryway of his parents’ home. God, they would fucking _hate_ that.

_Good._

The thought alone somehow made Dan both hornier, and angrier. All thought fled from his mind other than getting Phil up against the nearest surface, and convincing him to fuck Dan.

Before Phil could properly greet him, let alone invite Dan in, Dan single mindedly step forward, dragging his luggage behind him, and shoved past Phil. His heart was beating fast in his chest, and his fingers were slippery with sweat as he dragged his luggage along Phil’s carpeted floors, and shoved it into the nearest empty corner of the hallway. Then, Dan turned and took the doorknob from Phil’s grip in order to slam it shut behind them.

The lock turned almost automatically beneath Dan’s fingertips.

“Are your parents home?” he asked, already breathless with want. Phil’s eyes were shuddered in half-wakefulness, and he looked to be doing his best to pull himself together as he shook his head in response. His lips were pursed in a half pout as if he hadn’t quite puzzled together why Dan was asking, let alone woken up enough to comprehend it.

“Good,” Dan whispered, grinning as he stepped forward, pressing insistently into Phil’s space. Dan didn’t know whether it was a product of Phil still not being fully alert, or if he just didn’t _mind_ Dan being so close to him, but Phil didn’t draw away. Instead, he let out a low rumble from the back of his throat, something close to a pleasant sigh, and wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist promptly.

His touch seemed to light Dan on fire. He’d just seen Phil a week ago, but it felt like a lifetime had already passed, and there was nothing Dan wanted more than to get Phil all over him.

So he did just that.

He crashed his mouth onto Phil’s insistently, lips hard and laced with desperation and want. Phil gasped against Dan’s mouth, clearly not having been expecting an assault quite that intense quite so early in the morning. Regardless, Phil yielded to Dan easily, allowing him to press his tongue inside of Phil’s mouth to kiss him properly. Eyes jammed shut from the intensity of Dan’s need, he let the anger of the morning, the desperation and the downright _betrayal_ seep into his kiss.

His fingers clawed at Phil’s arms as Dan reached out to grab him, kiss nothing more than sharp nips and teeth clashing against teeth. The momentum of Dan’s own assault sent him reeling, and he lost his balance, pitching forward against Phil until his clothed chest collided sharply with Phil’s naked one.

Their bodies wavered, the toppling motion almost sending them to the ground, but Phil managed to right them at the last second. Phil yelped into the kiss, his hands moving to grip tight to Dan’s hips as he backstepped away from Dan, putting the smallest bit of space between them.

Dan growled against Phil’s mouth, not liking _distance_ one bit. He stepped closer again, shoving himself properly into Phil’s space, and moved to scrape his fingers down Phil’s biceps. His nails were blunt but sharp, and Phil hissed at the touch, biting down on Dan’s lip in retaliation. His movements were far slower than Dan’s, tinged with the remnants of sleep, but no less passionate and driven.

This was a side of Phil Dan didn’t get to see often enough - the one not yet cognizant enough to restrain himself from showing Dan that primal part of himself that lived inside of everyone - and it turned him on beyond belief. Suddenly, Dan wanted nothing more than to strip his pants from his legs and convince Phil to fuck him right there in the middle of his hallway.

Ripping his mouth from Phil’s, Dan let his head fall into the crook of Phil’s neck, and did his best to articulate what he wanted.

“Want you to fuck me, Phil,” he gasped, moaning obscenely at his own words. His hips jerked forward as arousal shot through him, because he wanted to do so many things with Phil just then, but all he could really focus on was the memory of what it felt like to have Phil’s cock buried deep inside of him.

Dan had only been in Phil’s arms for a few moments, but already he felt just as desperate as when Phil had worked him over for _hours_ that first time they’d had sex. His mind felt hazy with desire, and his body was already shaking with need, as if he’d been holding back from touching himself for more than just a few moments. His cock jutted against the zip of his jeans roughly, throbbing with need.

Dan just needed this. He needed Phil to fuck every other thought from his mind, and remind him that the only thing that mattered was him and Phil. He needed Phil to show him why they were good together, and that nothing could come between them. He needed Phil to help him work through the horrifying emotions rolling through him, and the only way he could thing to do that was to let Phil wreck him in the best way possible, in the roughest was possible. Phil was the only person Dan could trust to hold him together as he fell apart, the only person he could trust to tear him to pieces and put him back together again.

“If you want, that is,” Dan added last minute, realizing through the haze in his brain that he wasn’t exactly giving Phil much of a choice, here. Was Phil even _up_ for sex right now? Dan had just barged in and thrown himself at him. There was a part of Dan that realized that wasn’t exactly fair to Phil.

“Yeah, yeah,” Phil gasped back immediately, ducking his head into the crook of Dan’s neck and sucking at the pale skin there. His mouth was hot and wet, a sensation that drove all other worries from Dan’s mind, and allowed him to just focus on _this_ \- on the feel of Phil pressed against him, and how good sex with his boyfriend was.

The only problem was, Phil wasn’t being nearly as harsh as Dan wanted him to be. While Dan moaned at the heat of Phil’s mouth, arching his neck to give Phil more access, he tangled his fingers into Phil’s hair and pushed done, unable to open his mouth and just _tell_ Phil what he wanted. He could only hope that the rough treatment would be enough to clue Phil in to what Dan needed.

It wasn’t.

Phil merely dragged his lips away from Dan’s neck, and gasped against his wet nape. “M’ be’room,” he tried to insist, pushing Dan backwards in an attempt to lead him upstairs.

Dan didn’t let him. He didn’t want to go to Phil’s bedroom, where he felt safe and surrounded by the scent and feel of his boyfriend’s things. Dan wanted to be _taken_ \- taken roughly, firmly, thoroughly - and that meant fucking anywhere _but_ Phil’s bedroom, anywhere but a _bed_. Dan just wanted _Phil_ , to be surrounded by the scent and taste of Phil on his skin as Phil took him, cock pressing so deeply inside him that Dan would feel it for days. He wanted to walk around his house with a limp from the feel of taking Phil’s cock, wanted to walk around with the evidence of what Dan was to Phil, and what Phil was to him.

Which meant they couldn’t go upstairs, where Dan’s memories were coated with the affectionate, romantic Phil who’d made Dan feel like he was the only person in the world.

No, Dan wanted to be taken to pieces, and he wanted it to be done in such a way that he would _never forget_ who he belonged to.

More importantly, Dan wanted to be taken in such a way that his parents would never forget either.

His blood was pumping aggressively in his veins, and he could hear the sound of rushing in his ears. He was already too far gone for affection. He wanted _rough_ and nothing more than rough.

Pushing back against Phil’s attempt to steer them out of the hallway and over to the stairs, Dan dug his fingernails harder into Phil’s hair, and pulled. Phil whined in confusion, lifting his head from Dan’s neck in an attempt to turn confused, bleary eyes onto Dan. Without missing a beat, Dan lunged back in for yet another brutal kiss.

“No, _here_. Now,” Dan growled against Phil’s lips, nipping harshly at the plump skin. Phil gasped, his body shocked into shifting his hips forward until he was pressing his own needy erection against Dan’s. The sensation left Dan’s head spinning with desire. The thin fabric of Phil’s sleep pants were leaving _nothing_ to the imagination, and it was clear that Phil wanted him - Phil _really_ fucking wanted him.

Dan wondered if Phil could feel how much Dan wanted _Phil_ , or if his jeans were too restrictive to make it clear just how badly Dan’s cock was already aching.

Dan groaned against Phil’s lips and licked back into his mouth. His fingers pulled harshly at dark strands of hair, desperate for more, and far less concerned now with making sure that Phil wanted this just as much as Dan did.

There was no doubt in Dan’s mind, and if Phil wanted to put a stop to this, he _would_.

As Dan’s teeth knocked sharply against Phil’s again, and he pressed his tongue needily against Phil’s, he felt himself becoming completely lost to the feeling of being surrounded by Phil, by his scent, and his touch, and the sound of Phil’s whines muffled against Dan’s lips. It was all so fucking good that Dan could do nothing but surrender to it. With no regard for whether or not they collapsed to the floor, Dan rolled his hips into Phil’s roughly.

For the second time that morning, Phil caught them before Dan’s movements could send them sprawling to the carpet. Dragging his hands from Dan’s waist, where they’d settled previously, Phil wrapped his arms around Dan’s shoulders and stumbled backwards.

“Dan,” Phil gasped, dragging his mouth away from Dan’s as he suddenly collided with the wall of the front hallway. Dan fell into him, chests colliding once again, as Phil dropped his arms to steady himself against the wall.

Dan groaned at the sight. Phil’s eyes were half lidded, his lips plump and red from where Dan had been kissing him, and he about looked ready to get fucked. Too bad Dan wasn’t so much into fucking Phil as he was Phil fucking him.

Regardless, Dan pressed in for another kiss.

Phil turned his head at the last minute.

“Dan, slow down,” he gasped. His voice was deep and gravelly, the way it only got when he’d just woken up or he was so far gone with arousal that he couldn’t think straight. Dan honestly couldn’t tell what was driving the sound more at the moment. All he knew was that he liked it when Phil spoke like that. He wanted Phil to sound like that _more_.

“I’d rather not,” Dan purred against Phil’s cheek, releasing his hands from Phil’s dark strands and trailing them hotly down Phil’s body. Righting himself, Dan pushed back from Phil’s chest, putting a bit of space between their bodies, and reached for the waistband of Phil’s sleep pants. Using his grip on the elastic, Dan dragged Phil’s hips towards him, so Phil’s shoulders pressed against the wall, and he was tilted sensuously for Dan.

Not giving Phil another opportunity to complain, Dan shoved his hands properly down Phil’s pajama pants and yanked the offending garment all the way to his ankles. Freed from Phil’s waist, the shorts fell without hassle, for which Dan was grateful. Unfortunately, Phil was wearing a pair of boxer briefs underneath, for which Dan was _far_ less grateful.

Ignoring them for now, Dan instead reached around Phil’s body to grab at his arse, and managed to grind their hips together. Phil’s body lifted away from the wall he’d collapsed against, moving willingly with Dan, as Dan’s mouth found the soft slant of Phl’s neck. Mouthing over it quickly, Dan bit sharply into the tender skin, groaning when Phil huffed out a surprised, pleasure filled groan of his own.

Phil’s hands finally reached back out to grab hold of Dan’s hip’s, and he dug his nails into the little bit of exposed skin just above Dan’s jeans. Taking that as agreement for what Dan wanted, Dan attempted to lead them backwards and further into the house, desperate to find some kind of surface for Phil to take him apart.

However, before he could get very far, Phil’s grip on Dan’s hips grew tighter, until it was near as painful as Dan _wanted_ it to be, and dragged Dan to a halt.

“Dan?” Phil asked, staring down at his boyfriend in clear worry, “Bear, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

His voice still bore that same husky sound that always drove Dan insane, only this time, the words falling from his lips weren’t exactly sexy. Instead, they brought back everything that Dan was trying to avoid, and a rush of anger and hurt coursed through him. Dan’s nails dug in deeper to Phil’s thinly clothed arse, before he abruptly let Phil’s bum go and stared up into lust-blown blue eyes.

No, Dan was not okay, but talking wasn’t what he needed right now. He needed _Phil_ , and he needed Phil _now_.

“No, but I will be,” Dan replied quietly, biting his bottom lip and staring pleadingly up at Phil. There was no use in lying to him, but that didn’t mean Dan wanted to talk about it. They both knew something had happened last night, and that would just have to be enough for right now.

Whatever Dan was dealing with right now wasn’t going to prevent him from seeking out something he very much so wanted. Maybe convincing Phil to fuck him as hard as possible wouldn’t fix his problems, but it was what he _needed_ right now.

“Please, Phil,” Dan begged, releasing his bottom lip and feeling it wobble with the leftover pain of last night, “Just give me this. Don’t question it. It’s what I want, I promise.” His hands found Phil’s chest, and he shoved him backwards again, pushing him down the hallway and away from the stairs.

Phil let out a soft groan at the words and the touch, as his eyes fluttered closed, seemingly involuntarily. Using the moment to his advantage, Dan started to move them both backwards down the front hallway and to the lounge. He was careful to avoid the stairway, intent on getting what he wanted, and not wanting to give Phil the chance to lead them to his bedroom.

As they moved, Dan found himself unable to do much more than shoot quick glances over Phil’s shoulder to watch where they were going, and stare at the way Phil looked when he gave into Dan like this.

It was an absolutely wonderful sight, one that only fueled Dan’s lust even more.

Frustrated with the lack of progress they were making, what with Phil’s unsure steps, and Dan’s lust filled haze, Dan growled and dragged them to a halt. His hands found the waistband of Phil’s boxers this time - a sight Dan was suddenly glad for, seeing as he needed to hold onto _something_ \- and turned both of them around so he could drag Phil over to the sofa.

That’s when Dan’s eyes landed on something _so much better_.

The kitchen table.

Fuck, _fuck_. God, Dan could already imagine it - Phil shoving him up onto the hard surface, wrapping Dan’s legs around his waist, and fucking so deep inside of Dan that Dan’s body rubbed roughly against the sturdy piece of furniture. Dan could already feel the pressure against his shoulder blades, and the deep ache that would leave him with, and he _wanted_ it.

_God_ , did he want it.

Not only would it feel fucking fantastic, but it would leave a lasting impression. Dan only wished they could do it on his own parents kitchen table.

Before he could think better of the idea, Dan switched directions, and dragged Phil into the kitchen instead. Phil seemed too far gone to pay much attention to what was going on - or at least, too distracted by Dan’s touch to properly _question_ it.

Dan was glad for that.

He maneuvered the two of them over to Phil’s kitchen table, shoving a chair out of the way once he was close enough, and only released Phil’s pants in order to turn around so he was facing Phil again. Expression as seductive as he could make it, Dan placed his hands on the edge of the table, and hoisted himself until he was sitting on the wood.

Phil’s eyes were completely dilated. He looked at Dan hungrily, licking his lips, and moving in before Dan even had to ask him too. Hands finding Phil’s biceps, Dan helped pull him in any way, and wrapped his legs around Phil’s waist the moment he was settled comfortably between them. Locking his ankles in place, Dan pulled Phil in even further until their chests collided, and kissed him deeply. Their teeth knocked together, as was par for the course that morning, but Dan didn’t care. He used his leverage on Phil’s waist to drag their hips together, rocking their erections against each other, and suddenly wishing he’d had the forethought to take his jeans off.

There was nothing for it now. Dan wasn’t willing to let Phil pull away just yet, far too engrossed in the sensations it wrought through his body to have Phil’s body pressing into his. Dan arched his chest so he could push it into Phil’s, and kissed him deeper, harder, biting at his lips just harshly enough to make it clear to Phil that Dan wanted _rough_. Phil made a rumbling sound against Dan’s mouth, and his hands, which had previously fluttered around Dan’s body as if he didn’t know what to do with them, finally found the hem of Dan’s shirt and yanked it forcefully off of Dan’s body.

Their mouths disconnected, their chests slipping apart as Phil pulled the fabric over Dan’s head, reaching with warm palms to press his fingers over Dan’s nipples. Dan keened at the feeling, moaning loudly when Phil pinched hard at them, pulling so they stretched and Dan could feel the burn. His body shook with the pleasure that action sent surging through him, and he let his head fall back in ecstasy.

“Is this what you want?” Phil asked, careful as ever. His voice was dark and heedy, filled with a kind of wicked lust that made Dan’s cock pulse in his jeans, but there was no masking the fact that Phil would stop in a heartbeat if this wasn’t what Dan wanted.

Raising his head up, Dan met Phil’s dark gaze, and nodded his head.

“I want you to make me yours,” Dan grumbled lowly, eyes flashing sinfully. Or, at least, he hoped sinfully. “I want you to fuck me so hard I’m limping for _days_. I want you to take me on your parents kitchen table, fuck me so hard I can feel the wood digging into my skin and hold me so fucking tight you leave bruises behind. I want you to mark me up, Phil, so that no one will ever question who I belong to again.”

Phil’s eyes went wide, and his hands, which had previously been working Dan’s nipples, suddenly came to a screaming halt. There was something about his expression that made Dan think, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he’d said something _wrong_ , but the rest of him was far too focused on his desire for Phil to really pay any attention to that.

Instead, he groaned in frustration, annoyed at the sudden lack of movement, and desperate for Phil to continue.

“ _Please_ Phil,” Dan whined, digging his nails into Phil’s biceps and holding on tight.

Phil didn’t do anything, though. Instead, he just kind of gaped at Dan, something like _hurt_ lingering behind his eyes.

Before Dan could so much as attempt to pull himself together enough to understand what was wrong with Phil, Phil’s gaze grew shuttered and he surged in to bite harshly at Dan’s lips. Dan gasped, surprised but pleased at the sudden harshness, as Phil’s shaking hands shifted from Dan’s nipples to his ribcage, so he was embracing Dan tightly with too-warm palms.

Lips fierce and filled with determination, Phil kissed Dan hard, his glasses nudging against Dan’s nose and reminding him of just how hot Phil looked just then. His stubble rubbed at Dan’s jaw, coarse and a little but uncomfortable against Dan’s skin, and a reminder that Phil had only _just_ woken up, that Dan was getting a side of Phil who probably wasn’t fully cognizant enough just yet to comprehend what Dan wanted.

Of course he’d taken a moment to catch on to what Dan was asking of him, and if he was a bit unrefined with his movements, Dan could hardly blame him. Phil’s touch was all Dan really needed, no matter how seemingly awkward it was.

Maybe Phil just wasn’t used to being rough with his partners. Maybe he just didn’t know how to dig his nails into Dan’s skin and not feel awkward about it, not feel like he had to stop, stutter, and try again. Regardless of how fumbly he was, however, Dan was absolutely living for the feeling of Phil’s nails scraping against his skin, and he gasped against Phil’s lips.

“Alright,” Phil growled, finally pulling his mouth from Dan’s. His eyes were still wide when he looked at Dan, but there was something dark and angry in the expression, something almost _hurt_. Dan blinked, confused, unable to comprehend the expression, but Phil kept talking before Dan could even attempt to ask. “But I’m not going to hurt you.”

Instantly, tears of frustration rose to Dan’s eyes at the rejection, because Phil didn’t _get it_. He didn’t understand that Dan _needed_ this, that he _wanted_ Phil to hurt him. Dan opened his mouth to protest, but Phil cut him off before he could.

“I’m not going to hurt you _more than necessary_ , more than I think you’d like,” he continued, leaning in and nipping at Dan’s lip harshly again. The action almost seemed angry, but surely that couldn’t be right? Phil had never been angry with Dan before, and if he was angry now… surely he would say something?

“And afterwards...” Phil trailed off huskily, losing track of his words as he licked roughly into Dan’s mouth and took away the control Dan had been desperate to hold onto just a moment ago. His mouth was molten lava, burning every inch of Dan’s mouth as his tongue ran alongside Dan’s, brushing up against the sensitive parts inside of him, and consuming him all at once.

His nails dug in harder against Dan’s ribcage, surely leaving deep red marks behind, and he pulled back to chew on Dan’s lip, yanking the bottom one away from Dan’s mouth harshly before allowing it to ping back.

Dan’s breathing went ragged.

“Afterwards,” Phil reiterated, gaze harsh, “You’re going to tell me who I’m marking you up for.”

Dan’s eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head as he realized what was happening. Dan had never seen Phil angry before. In fact, he’d never seen Phil properly lose control, except for the few times he’d been able to make Phil fuck into him the way _Phil_ wanted too, rather than holding himself back for Dan’s sake.

But Dan was asking Phil to lose control, now. He was _asking_ Phil to be angry.

So Phil was.

Phil was working himself, trying to give Dan what he wanted, what he _needed_ , by allowing himself to be dragged into the same anger Dan was currently feeling. Dan hadn’t even realized having an angry Phil fuck him was what he’d wanted, what he’d _needed_ , but it was. And somehow, Phil had understood.

Had Dan explained to Phil about his parents, Phil wouldn’t have gotten angry. He would have bottled up the rage and held on to Dan like he was something precious, and pretended that it was all okay. But Dan needed Phil to let that rage go free, and fuck the anger out of them _both_. He needed Phil to leave his mark all over Dan, and fuck him until he was raw. He needed Phil to leave love bites on his neck and bruises on his wrists that told Dan’s parents _exactly_ what he’d been up to, and didn’t leave even a shred of doubt in their tiny, homophobic minds.

He wanted his parents to know that their little boy _took_ whatever Phil was willing to give him, took it happily, and didn’t care that Phil was a _man._

Dan never got a chance to agree to Phil’s condition that Dan tell him what was going on afterwards, because before Dan could even try and formulate a response, Phil was moving his fingers back to Dan’s nipples, tugging and pulling on the hard nubs with a force he’d never exerted before. Dan’s breathing practically stopped, his hips jerked on the counter, and his thighs quaked where they were wrapped around Phil’s waist.

His eyes were wide as he stared into Phil’s glaring expression, the lust laced anger, the slight, hard smirk Phil seemed to be attempting to pull off. Out of his mind with lust, Dan finally recognized which Phil _this_ was. This was the Phil that Phil had first tried to be for Dan - the cocky, sex beast who could make anyone want to fuck him. He was the flirt Dan had gotten to know before Phil had found out that Dan had never had an orgasm before. He was the Phil Dan had known before that night in October, when Phil had blown Dan’s mind and fucked him so hard, Dan had lost himself.

Dan threw his head back, and let himself give in to what Phil was giving him.

For the first time, Dan realized that maybe, just maybe, Phil hadn’t always been the gentle, affectionate, giving man that he’d always been with Dan. Maybe he wasn’t always so in control. Maybe he _did_ know how to be rough with a partner, but hadn’t wanted to be the same way with Dan.

The way Phil was touching him now practically confirmed that thought. Surely, this wasn’t the first time Phil had taken control with another man, or the first time he’d had true and serious _rough_ sex - roughter even then what they’d done just before Christmas, the day Phil’s parents had found out Dan was Phil’s boyfriend. It just didn’t seem possible that this was the first time Phil had done this, and the thought burned a hole of jealousy through the pit of Dan’s stomach.

But then Phil leaned forward, sinking his teeth into Dan’s collarbone, sucking and biting at the sensitive bone, and Dan was reminded that Phil was _his_. Phil might be the one doing the marking, but there was no doubt in Dan’s mind that that was for _him_.

Phil belonged to Dan, now, and it didn’t matter what, or who, Phil had done in the past.

He’d only ever do Dan from now on, if Dan could help it.

Arching his neck, Dan found himself rendered breathless at Phil’s ministrations. His teeth worried Dan’s skin like he wanted to make damned sure he left a bruise behind, and he licked at the indentation his teeth had made when he pulled away, his mouth far too warm and far too _good_ for words. His fingers never stopped tweaking and pulling at Dan’s nipples, tugging hard enough that Dan thought he couldn’t take anymore, and yet he never asked Phil to stop. He couldn’t, not when the pain was going straight to his cock, and making it swell painfully in his jeans.

“Daniel,” Phil grumbled, mouth making its way up Dan’s neck and straight to his ear, where he nibbled at Dan’s piercing. His tongue swirled around the black stud, and then he sucked it into his mouth, hands finally releasing Dan’s nipples in order to get him to _talk_.

Dan let out a breath, the sound a stuttered moan.

“Safe word,” Phil demanded. “If you want this, we should have a safe word,” he gasped, starting to lose some of that cool confidence he’d been showing earlier, when he’d tugged on Dan’s nipples and showed him that Phil could do rough if that was what he wanted. Dan gasped, his hips jerking against Phil’s, a motion that made Phil chuckle against the shell of Dan’s ear.

Slowly, Phil scraped his nails up Dan’s arms, his shoulders, and buried them in Dan’s hair. His fingers pulled tight, and suddenly, Dan realized he was actually going to get what he’d thought about _months_ ago, when he’d considered what it might be like to have Phil ordering him around.

If he played his cards right tonight, maybe he’d get that.

Hopefully.

“Mm,” Dan grunted in agreement, unable to think of _anything_ in that moment other than the feel of Phil’s fingers in his hair.

He hadn’t realized Phil would be so good at all of this.

He’d known that Phil knew what he was doing when it came to sex, and he knew that Phil was more often than not that one to _give_ , but Dan hadn’t thought that Phil would be such a natural at _this_ \- at taking complete control and knowing just how to give Dan what he wanted, what he _needed_.

“Daniel,” Phil grunted, pulling Dan’s head back, his fingers sharp in Dan’s hair. His earlier, breathless agreement didn’t seem to be enough for Phil, but Dan couldn’t even bring himself to _mind_ , if his small disobedience was gaining him _this_. Gasping at the sensation, Dan let his eyes flutter closed until Phil loosened his grip some, and then arched his neck so he could stare lustfully at Phil.

He wasn’t expecting Phil’s expression to be quite as serious as it actually was.

Surprised, Dan couldn’t help wondering what the fuck was going on. Phil looked _angry_ , still, and here Dan had thought he’d managed to take Phil apart, managed to break down that careful control he always asserted, but Phil was _still_ staring into Dan’s eyes like he wasn’t going to take anything less than actual _words_ as an answer. Mouth dropping open slightly, Dan could do nothing more than pant in surprise at Phil.

Fuck, _fuck_.

Rather than being devastated that he’d failed to make Phil go wild, Dan felt _grateful_. His eyes fluttered shut again in desire as Dan realized that this was the kind of man he could trust with his _life_. This was the kind of man who Dan knew would never push him too far. Dan had never even had _angry sex_ before, but he knew that he was safe with Phil, knew that Phil wouldn’t let it spiral out of control, and he’d make sure, every moment, that Dan knew Phil loved him.

Dan finally left out a muffled “Yes,” and gasped when Phil tugged on his hair again. His eyes flew back open, only to find Phil was still looking at him, as serious as if he weren’t very clearly hard and desperate to fuck Dan. However, there was a part of him that looked hesitant, too.

He was biting his bottom lip, eyes darting back and forth between Dan’s, like he wasn’t sure where to look, or what exactly to say.

Groaning, Phil dropped his face into Dan’s neck.

“You’re so far gone, aren’t you?” he muttered, biting Dan again for good measure. “Fuck,” he sighed, and made quick work of pressing open mouthed kisses all over Dan’s neck again. Dan just let him, limp in Phil’s hold, ready to do anything and everything that Phil asked of him. Fuck a safe word, Dan felt safe as hell with Phil.

If he said _stop_ , Dan knew that Phil would stop.

“Fuck, Dan, _please_ ,” Phil begged, finally pulling away from his neck to stare down at Dan as if he were _broken_. The sight startled Dan it was so different than mere _seconds_ ago, and he blinked rapidly at Phil in confusion. He knew what Phil was asking for, but he didn’t understand why Phil looked so upset suddenly.

Opening his mouth, Dan blurted out, “Penguin,” for lack of anything better to think of, and grasped either side of Phil’s face to drag him eagerly back into a kiss - anything to wipe that horrible expression off of his face.

He wasn’t sure he’d actually be able to _remember_ to say Penguin if things went too far, but unlike Phil, Dan was _certain_ that all it would take was a loud “stop,” to make him stop. Lips rough against Phil’s, Dan took back some of the control he’d given up moments before, and made quick work of working Phil back up again. Phil’s hands found his hips once more, nails dragging roughly up his sides, and moving around him to dig into his shoulder blades. Dan moaned at the touch, feeling heat climbing through him, as Phil slowly seemed to get a hold of himself once again.

When he did, he bit at Dan’s lip and dragged his mouth from Dan’s to resume his attention on Dan’s neck.

Dan could feel his cock beginning to hurt from the pressure of his jeans against it, but he didn’t exactly have room to reach down and do anything about that. He was laying on the kitchen table yet, held up merely by Phil’s arms, their bodies crushed so tight together that Dan couldn’t wiggle a hand between them if he tried, but he couldn’t wait for Phil to strip him down the rest of the way.

More than that, he couldn’t wait until Phil pressed his cock inside of Dan and fucked him into next week.

Phil’s mouth kept Dan distracted enough from the uncomfortable sensation, though. Phil biting down at him with wild abandon, was _everything_. It felt so good Dan was shocked they’d never tried it before. Sure, he loved the gentle way Phil usually kissed him, and the soft way he carressed every part of Dan’s body, but this? _This_ was something _more_. Intense in a different way.

Now that Dan knew he liked this, he’d make sure Phil threw a little bit more of it into their future sex lives.

Eventually, Dan’s body began to shake in time with the quivering of Phil’s hands, that all too familiar tell tale sign that Phil always got when they had sex. Tired of waiting for _more_ , Dan reached up and threaded his fingers into Phil’s hair, pulling his mouth away from Dan’s neck and forcing Phil to look up at him.

“I want you to fuck me, Lester,” Dan whispered, trying to pitch his voice low and sultry. Phil’s eyes, impossibly dark, seemed to grow darker still at the words, but rather than giving in to what Dan wanted, his expression only seemed to harden.

“I’ll fuck you when I’m good and ready,” Phil whispered back, leaning in and nipping sharply at Dan’s bottom lip. Despite the clear act of dominance, Phil seemed to wince at his own actions, and reached up to gently smooth his fingers over Dna’s bottom lip. The gesture was enough to remind Dan, again, that Phil would never truly hurt him.

The reassurance, the overall _dominance_ , was everything that Dan could ever need. Dan wanted Phil to hurt him, wanted that edge of pain to sharpen the feeling of pleasure, and he knew that he could trust Phil to give it to him without going too far.

He wanted Phil to fuck the anger and suffocating feeling of betrayal still searing at Dan’s veins out of him. He wanted to be marked so intensely that Dan would feel like he belonged, and no one would ever be able to tell him that he was wrong.

Not even his parents.

Phil’s mouth returned to Dan’s neck, but this time he trailed his teeth down the skin sharply, rather than sucking or biting a bruise into Dan’s skin. His mouth trailed all the way down Dan’s neck, over his collarbones, and down to his chest, where he stopped to bite down hard on Dan’s nipple. He tugged with his teeth, making Dan arch and convulse under his ministrations, gasping out a loud sound of pleasure. His hands, previously entwined in Phil’s hair, reached between their bodies, where Phil had finally moved enough to expose his cock, and shoved his hand against the bulging ache pressing there.

Before Dan could so much as _think_ of attempting to pleasure himself, Phil’s hands shot out and grabbed _both_ of Dan’s - the one pressed to the front of his jeans, and the one that had latched onto Phil’s hip.

“Who said you could touch?” Phil asked, voice just this side of dark. His eyes were shuttered, hiding every bit of emotion he was currently feeling, and yuet that only seemed to turn Dan on _more_.

Slowly, Phil shuffled his hands down Dan’s hands, down to his wrists, and wrapped his fingers around the bone. Without warning, Phil pushed Dan backwards onto the kitchen table, and locked his hands above his head, pressing them into to the hard wood with his own. “Your hands stay there, got it?” Phil demanded, gaze fierce.

Dan gasped, eyes going wide at the sudden movement, at the way it pushed Phil’s cock against Dan’s, and the dirty sense of friction it sent through Dan.

The movement was hot, hotter than Dan could have guessed it would be, and he let out a low moan as he rolled his hips up into Phil’s.

Phil growled, and leaned in close to Dan’s body.

“Don’t move,” he whispered, letting go of Dan’s wrists.

Dan did as he was told, frozen in place by the sheer heated look Phil was giving him, and the desperate desire Dan suddenly had to give everything to Phil, to let him take control, without complaint.

Or, at least, Dan felt that way until Phil unwrapped Dan’s thighs from his waist and started to walk away.

“Wait!” Dan shouted, “Where are you going?” The words lacked the impact Dan wanted them to, but he couldn’t help that his throat was already wrecked. It didn’t help that half of Dan’s lanky body was now falling off of a wooden table, and he was struggling to stand up, let alone sit. He scrambled for purchase on the hard wood anyway, until he’d managed to get himself sitting, his legs swinging off the edge and his palms flat on the table.

His face was hot, and he was sure he was red all over.

Phil sent Dan a confused look.

“I said I wouldn’t be unnecessarily rough, Dan. Did you think we were going to do this without lube?”

Dan bit his lip as he realized what that would mean. They’d moved Phil’s lube and condoms to the bottom drawer of his dresser, mostly because Dan had been sick of situations like _this_ , and now Phil was going to leave Dan to go and get them.

No. No way in hell. The last thing Dan wanted was for Phil to go upstairs and interrupt this moment.

Trying to think of a way to make Phil _stay_ , Dan’s mind flashed over Phil’s previous demand, and bit his lip. He wasn’t supposed to move. He’d already broken that demand when he’d scrambled to sit up, but while that hadn’t been enough to make Phil mad at him, Dan had an idea of what _would_.

While Dan wanted nothing more than to obey every single one of Phil's commands today, he wanted Phil to make him hurt even more. Lube wasn’t exactly part of that equation.

Eyes locked on Phil’s, Dan reached down and jabbed his fingers at the button of his jeans. Phil’s eyes went wide as Dan forcefully yanked the button free, and shoved his zipper all the way down. The bulge in Dan’s pants pressed outwards, cock straining through the cotton.

When Phil did nothing to stop Dan, Dan continued his movements, stripping his jeans down his thighs as best as he could, and kicking them away from himself. Once the restricting fabric was gone, Dan hooked his fingers under the waistband of his pants, and yanked them free as well, tossing them behind himself and hoping they’d land somewhere very, _very_ public, if for no other reason than a memory for Dan to think on anytime he looked at that place.

Finally bare, Dan stared up at Phil in challenge, practically _begging_ him to be mad at Dan for not staying still, but Phil didn’t look mad. In fact, he just looked sort of _surprised_ , and that was enough to make Dan push the whole situation even farther. There was no way in _hell_ Dan was letting Phil head upstairs, no way in hell he was letting Phil grab the lube, or work himself down from the flurry Dan had worked so hard to push him into.

So he did the only thing he could think of. He flopped back onto the kitchen table, and gripped his aching cock in his hand, directly disobeying Phil’s order in the hopes that it would piss Phil off enough to return to Dan’s side.

It did.

Phil growled, and while Dan couldn’t see Phil from where he was now laying down, it didn’t really _matter_ , because he could hear Phil moving towards him. His breathing was heavy, and while just a moment ago he’d looked like he might not be as into this as Dan wanted him to be, now he sounded almost angrier than Dan had been expecting - not that he was going to complain.

Dan cried out when Phil finally reached his side, looming over Dan’s body and slapping Dan’s hand away from his cock. Before Dan could so much as taunt Phil in an attempt to make _certain_ Phil didn’t leave his side again, Phil leaned and kissed him, his lips bruising on top of Dan’s. His hands found Dan’s ribs, and he pinched the sensitive skin hard enough to hurt.

But it was good. It was so fucking _good_. It was everything that Dan had wanted, and a sharp enough reprimand that Dan thought he might have actually _won_.

“I told you. Not. To touch. Yourself.” Phil punctuated each word with a harsh nip to Dan’s lip, and an almost harsher pinch against Dan’s ribcage. The sensations made Dan feel wild, his head spinning with the almost overwhelming sense of intense pleasure.

“It’s the only thing I asked,” Phil added, sucking Dan’s lips into his mouth and licking over it with harsh intent. Dan shivered at the way the words sounded, and he gasped as Phil bit his lip yet again, this time the feeling almost _worse_ for the sharp contrast of Phil sucking and licking. “The. Only. Thing.”

Bite.

Nip.

Suck.

All the way down Dan’s neck. From the sharp, aching feeling that each motion aroused, Dan was certain that he must be covered in bruises by now, just like Dan had begged Phil. Both sides of his neck throbbed in pain, but it was good pain. So fucking good.

This wasn’t exactly the reaction Dan had been expecting when he’d grabbed his dick, hoping to work Phil back up again, but he couldn’t deny that it made his cock ache and his balls draw up to his body. Being punished for disobeying Phil made Dan feel hot all over, and the biggest reason was because Dan knew the moment he asked Phil to stop, Phil would _stop_.

But for this moment, they were _playing_.

“Phil,” Dan gasped, as Phil dragged his mouth down Dan’s chest and bit down at his collarbone, sucking there too. “Phil, _please_ ,” he whined, spreading his legs open wide, and hoping Phil would take the invitation.

Phil ignored him.

“You asked for this, Daniel,” Phil growled, moving his mouth into the hollow Dan’s collarbones made everytime he inhaled. He licked at the sensitive area, causing Dan to arch into him, and nearly forget his own name. “You follow my rules,” he added with a sharp nip. “So don’t touch.”

His breathing was heavy, exasperated enough that Dan could tell Phil meant every word of what he’d said. Rather than being frightened, he just felt _hot_.

Nodding his head desperately, Dan let out a pitiful whine in reply.

Phil kissed him again. His nails scraped roughly against Dan’s rib cage as he dragged them up, and then back down, his hands finding Dan’s hips and dragging his legs back around Phil’s hips. Dan clenched tight, happy to have this back, happy that Phil hadn’t gone, and that he was just as in this moment as Dan was.

The fact that Dan could feel Phil’s hips were unclothed, making it quite clear Phil had stripped himself of his boxers, _finally_ , definitely added to the moment. It meant that Phil was finally done with the foreplay, and he was _finally_ going to give Dan what he wanted.

Dan didn’t care about the preparation it usually took for them to fuck. He didn’t care about the condoms, or the glove, or the lube. He just wanted Phil to take him _raw_.

“Fuck me,” Dan whispered against Phil’s lips, gasping the words between sloppy, anger-filled kisses. His head felt filled with nothing but endorphins, and his gut was boiling with that familiar sensation of overpowering arousal. Pleasure sparked through him at the very idea of Phil being pressed deep inside of him, and while Dan _and_ Phil knew that a mere handjob wasn’t going to get Dan off, it was clear that Phil’s desire for Dan to _not touch_ was about far more than whether or not Dan could pleasure himself.

It was about power. And Dan was happy to give that power to him.

Phil shook his head against Dan’s lips, a clear refusal. He didn’t stop kissing Dan, dominating his mouth, his hands clawing at Dan’s body, nails scraping over Dan’s nipples, and down his sides, doing everything he could to make it clear to Dan that Phil was in charge. Dan was going insane, though. They both knew he couldn’t come like this, both knew what Dan _really_ wanted, and he didn’t understand why Phil wouldn’t give it to him.

So Dan decided to take matters into his own hands. He lifted his bum, spread his legs, and reached for Phil’s dick without a second thought, prepared to penetrate himself if he had too.

Dan hadn’t accounted for Phil’s response to _that_ , however, and gasped when Phil instantly pulled away from Dan, chest heaving, and smacked Dan’s hand away.

“What the hell are you doing?” Phil demanded, his tone dripping with rage. His expression was so fucking _furious_ that Dan actually felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach. His eyes widened as he stared up at Phil, surprised by the way his nostrils flared, and he gritted his teeth so hard Dan could see Phil’s jaw clenching. His hands were wrapped into fists at his sides, and he was holding his body so tightly that Dan thought he might explode.

He didn’t, though. Instead, he stood, waiting for some kind of response from Dan, gaze a heavy weight pressed against Dan’s skin.

“I - I - I just -” Dan tried to stutter out, getting nowhere as a real kind of fear settled into his chest. Had he fucked up? He’d never seen Phil like this. He’d never thought Phil could _look_ like this. Dan had just... He’d just wanted…

He’d just wanted Phil to fuck him, wanted him to make Dan _hurt_.

Tears welled to Dan’s eyes, quicker than ever before, and Dan suddenly realized just how important it was to him _not_ to fuck this up with Phil.

“Never try that again,” Phil demanded, his voice ruthless, _serious_. “Never, ever try to make me fuck you without stretching, without _lube_ , ever again. Are you insane?” Phil hissed. “I could _tear_ something, I could seriously _hurt_ you, Dan, and not like you so clearly fucking want right now. I could do real fucking damage!” He groaned, slamming his eyes shut and reaching up to press his fists against them, hands sliding up under the black rims of his glasses. He was trembling, but this time, it didn’t look like he was trembling from passion.

No, he looked like he was seriously ready to call this whole thing off because Dan was being a fucking _idiot_.

Swallowing thickly, Dan shifted his body up and forced himself to rest on his elbows. He was slipping off the wood of the kitchen table a bit, but he couldn’t bring himself to fix that when all he wanted was for Phil to look at him, to tell him it was okay, that Dan hadn’t royally fucked up _this_ too. Dan couldn’t stand the thought, not after what he’d gone through yesterday. Not after what he’d gone through the last eighteen years of his life, questioning and unsure of himself and his place in the world and whether or not he’d ever _really_ be loved.

Biting his lip, Dan did his best not to cry, waiting for Phil to _look at him_ , to just show him that they were okay. Anything, even if it meant stopping what they’d been doing just moments before. Dan would do anything to keep Phil in his life.

Isn’t that why he’d told his parents about them last night?

Finally, Phil opened his eyes. He dropped his fists, fiddling with his glasses to get them settled on his face right, and looked at Dan.

“Did you have breakfast this morning?” Phil asked, his voice gruff.

Dan bit his lip, trying not to get his hopes up that Phil was asking for the reasons Dan wanted him to be asking. Still, Phil looked like he was pulling himself together, like he wasn’t so mad that he was going to break up with Dan, or kick him out, or never touch him again. Instead, he looked determined.

Dan shook his head. “I didn’t have dinner last night either,” he added for good measure, hoping that it would be enough.

Phil inhaled sharply, face going red. “You didn’t -” he started, cutting himself off with a low groan, and shoving his fist against his mouth. Dan thought he could see Phil biting at the skin of his knuckles, but the moment didn’t last long. He pulled his hand away, and let out a frustrated breath. “Never mind. We’ll talk about that later. Just… Stay there. And don’t _move_ ,” Phil added, tossing Dan a hard glare.

Shoving himself further back on the kitchen table so his bum was resting on the wood, Dan sprawled backwards, and placed his hands above his head in submission. Phil watched him do it, eyes narrowed, but nodded in satisfaction when Dan froze there, staring back at Phil with a nervous look in his eye. This time, rather than turning towards the lounge and the stairs on the other side of the wall, Phil walked into the kitchen and started opening cupboards, very obviously searching for something.

Dan’s brow furrowed in confusion, trying to decipher what Phil was looking for. What could he possibly find in the kitchen that could - _oh_.

As Phil turned back around with a bottle of olive oil in his hand, Dan realized just what Phil was planning to do, and heat flared anew in his belly.

“This is a _last resort_ kind of deal, Daniel,” Phil growled, returning to Dan in a matter of seconds, his hands already fumbling on the cap of the oil. Phil stepped between Dan’s legs, his eyes hard as he met Dan’s gaze, and his mouth firm. “It’s safe enough, but it means no condoms, and _that_ means I’m not coming inside of you. Understand?” Phil demanded.

Dan gasped at the idea of Phil fucking him bareback, without the latex barrier of a condom preventing Dan from feeling the soft ridges of Phil’s dick inside of him, and he shivered involuntarily. It was something he’d wished for in the past, but he hadn’t expected it so _soon_. His eyes fluttered shut, and he nodded his head in agreement instantly, despite not being happy with all of the conditions Phil had set before them.

He’d much rather Phil came inside of him, marking him on the inside just as much as he’d marked Dan on the outside, but they could argue about that later.

In the meantime, Dan just wanted to get a _move_ on already. His legs were shaking in anticipation, and he was craving the chance to wrap them back around Phil’s waist, but he held still. He’d promised he wouldn’t move, promised he wouldn’t touch, promised to give the control to Phil.

So he would.

This time he really would.

As the cap came free, Phil drizzled the liquid over his fingers, over his whole _hand_ , it rushed out so quickly, and rubbed his fingers together in an attempt to spread the makeshift lube around.

“We shower after this,” Phil muttered, “And you’re going to let me clean this _out_ of you, because I’m not risking some kind of infection,” he added, but nevertheless placed the bottle far enough away from Dan he hopefully wouldn’t knock it over, and reached for Dan’s legs.

While a part of Dan worried what Phil meant about an _infection_ , the rest of him was focused on the fact that Phil had promised this was safe, that they’d take a shower after, and that Phil would take care of Dan, make sure every preventative measure was taken to keep Dan from getting hurt. Giving in to the moment, giving in to the knowledge that Phil had him, that Phil was going to take care of him, Dan lifted his legs and allowed Phil to guide them back around his waist. All the while, Phil’s fingers moved between Dan’s legs and quickly found his rim, teasing at the puckered skin with the tip of his index finger.

Dan’s body tensed for all of a moment, before almost instinctively relaxing. Dan’s body knew Phil well, and he took the first finger easily as Phil gently pushed it in, teasing at Dan’s rim and pressing in and out a few times with just the tip. When he finally got his entire finger inside of Dan, right up to the first knuckle, Dan clenched his body down with a soft, needy whine, and fucked his arse downwards.

Phil groaned, and leaned in to nip at Dan’s belly.

“Knock it off,” he growled, pulling his finger back, and pushing it back in just as slowly as before. Dan’s toes curled, despite the fact that the first finger never felt exactly _good_. Dan just knew what was coming, and he wanted it _now_. Ignoring Phil’s demand, Dan fucked his arse down again in an attempt to take more of Phil in, and moaned loudly when Phil leaned down and bit at his belly all over again. The feeling was a shock to Dan’s system, much harder than the first bite, and filled with far more intent. Dan’s body convulsed a little, and he found himself panting as Phil dragged his finger out of him.

Slowly, he pressed it back in.

Dan had had enough.

“Philip Michael Lester,” Dan growled, propping himself up on his elbows, and meeting Phil’s glare with one of his own. _“Fuck me_ , or so help me _god_ ,” he said, breath stuttering out of him as Phil very abruptly shoved his finger back inside of Dan, none too gently starting to fuck into him.

Dan gasped, and he fell back against the kitchen counter as Phil started to _really_ stretch him. He wasn’t playing around anymore, wasn’t in the least bit gentle, the way he normally was when he took care of Dan. Instead, he was giving Dan exactly what he’d wanted, and the sharp burn of Phil’s finger pulling in and out of him, stretching at his walls, forcing Dan to take him, was _everything_. Dan’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he reached down in an attempt to hold onto _something_ , only for Phil to growl at him.

“I said _don’t move_.”

Instantly, Dan dropped his hands back to the table, clenching at nothing, nails digging into his own palms, as Phil finger fucked the life out of him. His body jerked up and down the table, his shoulders digging hard against the wood, just the way Dan had imagined they would, his cock bouncing against his stomach. Phil didn’t stop. Phil didn’t rest or slow down. He pressed a second finger to Dan’s rim on a downstroke, and shoved it in alongside the first on the upstroke.

The action burned, forcibly stretching Dan open, and while it hurt, it made Dan feel _alive_. He let out a loud wail, arching his back and shoving his body down against Phil’s fingers, right up until Phil’s unoccupied hand found his hip and forced him back down. Dan’s hips stilled, but the sounds dripping from his mouth did not. He couldn’t seem to stop himself, wailing with desire and crying out with every rough thrust into his body. It felt so fucking good, now, that Dan thought he might explode.

“This what you wanted?” Phil asked, panting, voice sounding hoarse. “God, Dan, you could have just _asked_ ,” Phil grunted, spreading his fingers apart inside of Dan, and pressing in deeper and deeper still. He wasn’t looking for Dan’s prostate, wasn’t looking for _anything_. Dan could tell because Phil wasn’t so much as trying to crook his fingers. Instead, he was going for the straight approach, with nothing on his mind but spreading Dan open enough to take Phil’s cock.

Dan couldn’t bring himself to care. It’s what he wanted, after all - for Phil to take him, for Phil to _wreck_ him, to mark him all over and show _everyone_ that Dan belonged to Phil. Dan panted loudly, drool beginning to pool at the corner of his mouth from the force of the sounds he was making, from the force of his desire, but he didn’t care. He was too far gone already, so far gone in fact that he almost didn’t notice when Phil fit a third finger in alongside the first two, stretching Dan’s rim even further.

The feeling sent another flash of pain through Dan that made his cock twitch and spurt precum across his belly. His hips jerked under the heavy pressure of Phil’s hot palm on his hip, but Phil kept him from moving anywhere. Dan was grateful, in a way. It meant less chance of Dan actually hurting himself, if he just let Phil be in charge.

Which Dan thought he was doing a pretty good job of so far.

His body ached. Every inch of him felt like it was on fire, the marks Phil had bit into his neck, into his collarbone, into his _belly_ and along his ribs, _burned_. His nipples ached from being bitten and pulled, and his arse didn’t know whether to accept more of Phil, or reject him.

Dan did his best to force it to accept him, because there was no way in hell Dan was stopping now.

Heat coiled in his belly. His balls ached from where they’d drawn up against him. He could feel that familiar sensation of orgasm properly beginning to build, that long impending end that Dan wanted more than anything, and he found himself thinking of his of his parents, of the way treated him, and how they seemed to want to take this away from him.

Tears pricked at his eyes.

To hell with Phil’s rules.

Dan reached up and grabbed Phi’s shoulders.

“Please,” he begged. His voice sounded choked up from the pressure of the lump in his throat. His nails dug into Phil’s shoulders. Phil looked up, mouth downturned in frustration, clearly ready to yell at Dan, but then he saw Dan’s face, and the pain etched there, and something started to change.

While just a moment ago, Phil had seemed to be working through his anger at Dan nearly forcing Phil to hurt him by taking him raw, now Phil looked almost _heartbroken_. That strange, hurt expression from earlier, the one that had made Dan wonder if he’d said the wrong thing, was back. But along with it came a fierce kind of determination that made everything else fade away.

Tears trickled down Dan’s cheeks against his will. He felt his lip began to tremble.

But all that he could see anymore… was _Phil_.

His vision had narrowed down to blue eyes. Phil’s pupil was so dilated Dan could only make out a thing line of blue, but he didn’t care. Phil’s eyes were still the most beautiful, grounding thing Dan had ever seen, and he never wanted to look away.

Slowly, Phil pulled his fingers out of Dan’s body, and reached between his legs to slick his cock up. Dan didn’t bother to look and confirm that was what Phil was doing, he just _knew_ , and he kept his gaze locked on Phil’s as he continued to silently cry. A sigh of relief tumbled past Dan’s lips, coming out almost as a sob, as Phil finally moved to line his cock up with Dan’s body. The head pressed against Dan’s rim, a sure sign that this was finally about to happen.

The hand that had previously worked to hold Dan’s hips down, moved to hitch his thigh up further on Phil’s hip instead, while the other stayed in place on Phil’s cock, ready to guide it inside of Dan.

But Phil was frowning.

“I never want to see you cry again,” he whispered, voice heavy with pain. His hands were shaking. His body was tense, and wired, and clearly ready to go, but his gaze was serious. “Never,” Phil added for good measure, and finally allowed his cock head to press just inside Dan’s rim.

Dan’s breath whoosed out of him. Unlike the way Phil had fucked his fingers into Dan’s body, he took _this_ slow. In a strange way, Dan was grateful. His body already felt raw, and it burned with every inch Phil pressed in. Dan didn’t know if he could have taken _this_ as fast and hard as he’d taken the prep, but he hoped that by the time Phil had filled him, Dna would be ready for Phil to fuck the life out of him.

Because he still wanted that. He still _needed_ that. A lump had formed in Dan’s chest, a knot of pain he hadn’t quite realized he was still feeling. It went deeper than the anger and the betrayal he’d been feeling since last night - much deeper. It felt like the deepest kind of sorrow, and Dan just… Dan just… he just wanted it to go away.

Phil’s movements were steady. His fingers gripped tight to Dan’s thigh - probably not tight enough to bruise, but tight enough to _hurt_. Dan couldn’t ask for more. He’d already asked for everything.

He didn’t mind. Every inch of him was covered in Phil’s mark, and soon enough, Phil would be inside of him as well.

It seemed to take forever, but eventually, Phil bottomed out. With a shuddering sigh, Phil shoved his hips all the way forward, his hand releasing his cock and moving to shift Dan’s other thigh further up Phil’s waist. The movement sent Phil’s balls slamming against Dan’s arse, and his dick sliding deeper. Both Dan and Phil let out a loud moan, but Phil’s was deeper, more husky, and he threw his head back in pleasure as well.

Dan knew, because he couldn’t stop looking at Phil. His eyes were half lidded, he was drunk on pleasure, and he wanted nothing more than for Phil to start fucking him properly, but he also wanted nothing more than to stare at Phil in this moment for the rest of his life.

Phil just looked so fucking _good_ , so fucking _wrecked_ , and Dan felt so _full_. His body ached from the pressure of Phil, _bare_ , pressed inside of him. He could feel every fucking ridge, every fucking vein, that made up Phil’s glorious cock, and it was the best feeling in the world.

He never wanted to let it go.

The damn seemed to break then as Dan suddenly started crying in earnest. His chest felt tight as he choked out at sound that was half moan, half sob, and he reached up to dig his nails into the tender flesh of Phil’s back in an attempt to hold onto him tight. Toes curling in pleasure, as the movement made Phil rock forward, Dan pushed himself down against Phil’s cock, and stared up at Phil in ecstasy. He never wanted to stop looking at Phil.

“Phi _iiiiil_ ,” Dan managed to moan out, gyrating his hips down in the hopes that Phil would finally get the message. Phil, who’d finally seemed to pull himself together enough to look down at Dan, looked shell shocked for all of a moment, before something shifted and he seemed to regain his composure.

Aware that Phil could see how hard Dan was crying, and beyond grateful Phil wasn’t going to stop to ask _why_ , Dan merely let out a breath that quickly caught in his throat and turned into a gurgle as Phil abruptly started to fuck into him. His hips pulled back, and he slammed his cock back so deep inside of Dan that Dan forgot how to breathe.

Eyes wide, mouth gaping for air, Dan watched as Phil started to work his hips properly, dick pressing into all the right places. His arms shook as he worked to hold Dan in place, but even so, Dan felt his back judder up and down the table with every forward thrust of Phil’s hips.

Phil’s expression, however, was one of absolute conviction, his brow heavy with an unknown emotion of his own. It was clear that Phil hated to see Dan cry, that he wanted to make it _stop_ , and all Dan could think was that he was endlessly thankful Phil was giving Dan what he’d begged for.

Maybe he knew this was what Dan needed, maybe he just didn’t know how else to help, but it didn’t matter. The fact of the matter was, Dan knew that Phil was just trying to help Dan in anyway that he could.

And Dan had begged him to fuck him.

His thighs hurt. Dan could feel the muscles burning with every press of Phil inside of him, with every pull of Phil’s hands against his skin. Phil’s grip forced Dan further off the table until it was mostly just his shoulders and his upper back braced against the hard wood, ricocheting up and down with each thrust. Every movement hurt, and Dan was certain his entire back would be bruised by tomorrow morning, but he didn’t care.

He didn’t care, because ecstasy was swimming through him. He was crying out, loud sounds of pain and arousal echoing through the kitchen, bouncing against Dan’s ears. Phil was groaning lowly on top of him, fucking Dan with wild abandon in a way he’d never done before. There was no rhythm or pattern to the way he fucked into Dan, he just let himself go. Every thrust pressed against a different part of Dan, rough and quick and impossible to focus on. A few times, Dan thought he felt Phil graze his prostate, but it didn’t matter.

It couldn’t matter.

Because Dan wasn’t focusing on _that_ anymore. He was focusing on the way it felt to have Phil filling him up, taking him, marking him as his own. He was focusing on the fact that Phil was bare inside of him, the first person, the only person, who’d ever get to take Dan like that, mark him like that. He was focusing on the way that every thrust made the pressure in Dan’s chest disperse as pleasure took its place, and the feeling of impending orgasm started to take over.

He was close. He didn’t know how close, but he was close. He could feel that every nerve ending was on fire, that every muscle was trembling. His stomach clenched as his balls drew impossibly tighter against his body, ready and waiting to let go. He wanted, so fucking badly, to come, but he knew he wasn’t there just yet.

Not for the first time, Dan wished it wasn’t so hard to get him off, and yet at the same time, he was grateful.

Because it meant that this wasn’t going to end. At least not yet.

Tossing his head against the table, Dan allowed himself to continue to wail. Sobs wracked his body, but they were a release, a good release, and he needed them. He clung to them with the same ferocity he clung to the pleasure crashing through him in waves.

For a moment, Dan found himself able to open his eyes again, and realized that Phil was just as far gone as he was.

There were tears wet on his cheeks, too, but he looked _angry_ , like he was furious with whoever had hurt Dan, and Dan lost himself to the comfort that brought him.

Phil would do anything to protect Dan, to help him, and to be there for him.

That had never been more clear than it was tonight, right then, in that exact moment.

Practically slumping to the kitchen table, Dan just let go. He didn’t have it in him anymore to attempt to meet Phil’s thrust. Instead, he just let Phil take over, hunching over Dan a bit and fucking him as best as he could. His thrusts were becoming shorter, more sporadic, as Phil’s orgasm quite obviously starting to approach.

Dan’s orgasm felt elusive. It was hiding, and he didn’t quite know where it was or how to grasp onto it and milk it from his body, but he did know that Phil did. So Dan gave in. Dan gave in to the push and pull of Phil’s body against his, gave in to the way his own muscles had given out, and his body went lax, and let the sensations wash over him while he waited for his orgasm to hit him.

It took another few forceful thrusts of Phil’s dick, and a cry from Phil that sounded a lot like he wasn’t sure he could take it anymore, before his orgasm finally rushed over him - but when it did, it seemed to knock Dan off of his feet.

He cried out, the sound a high keen that faded out as Dan lost all the air in his lungs. Dan felt his body work itself down, trying to keep Phil’s dick deep inside of him as he came, but mostly just felt himself get lost in the feeling of pleasure, and the relief that came from letting go - the anger at his parents, the hurt, the betrayal, it all drained out of him as he came, come spurting out of him and coating both his and Phil’s chest.

Phil didn’t stop fucking Dan, but he did drop Dan’s thighs and brace himself on the table as his thrusts became shallow, his cock spending more time inside of Dan than out. Dan could feel every pump of his hips, every thrust of his cock inside of Dan, the pure, raw sensation of it rubbing against Dan’s walls. He clenched down when he thought of it, tried to give Phil everything that he could while he was blissed out on his own, and mumbled Phil’s name into the heavy air surrounding them.

“‘M close,” Phil mumbled, the words almost lost on Dan. He strained to hear them, strained to _understand_ , and then he did.

Phil was about to come. Phil was about to come, and he was pulling out, and Dan didn’t want him too. Dan wanted him to come _inside_ , to mark Dan as his, to leave his mark in a place that no one else ever could.

Gathering up every last bit of strength that Dan had within him, he shifted his thighs, and wrapped his legs tight around Phil’s hips, locking his ankles at the small of Phil’s back, and _forcing_ his cock back deep inside of him.

“Dan,” Phil gasped, shaking his head. Dan’s eyes were half open, he was half conscious, but he could see the sweat beading across Phil’s forehead. “Dan, can’t - gonna - please, let me -”

“Inside,” Dan demanded, tightening his thighs even harder, and doing his best to keep Phil as deep as he possibly could. “Please, please, _please_ ,” Dan begged.

Phil groaned, his head falling forward, bangs falling into his face, glasses falling between them, and fucked his hips erratically into Dan.

The motions were sharp, short, and desperate.

Dan thought he could feel it, the moment that Phil came inside of him. There was the quick thickening of Phil’s cock as it pulsed inside of him, and then the feeling of something warm filling him up. Dan gasped, eyes going wide, body jolting at the feeling, as Phil groaned and pumped his hips lightly, milking himself inside of Dan’s body. His arms shook where he held himself over Dan, bicep’s bulging. It was really no surprise to Dan when Phil quite suddenly collapsed forward, bending Dan’s body funny in order to rest against him, against the kitchen table, where Dan was practically falling off.

Phil’s hips finally stilled, and Dan moaned in appreciation.

He felt… complete. He felt like he _belonged_ , and if Phil could accept Dan exactly how he was… then who cared about anyone else.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [@imnotinclinedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com) because she’s amazing and loves me a lot. But no, really, she always helps me so much to feel more confident in my writing, and is often the encouragement I need to keep going. Also thank you to everyone who messaged me tonight when I asked for you to cheer me on, that was WONDERFUL. You’re all good beans. 
> 
> To the rest of my readers, thank you for being patient while waiting for this update. My friends were visiting from out of state AND out of country the last week and a half, and I was soaking up every second I could get with them because it was our first time meeting irl, so I didn’t try too hard to write in that time. Thankfully, I mostly just needed to edit, so the chapter is finally here! Not quite what you’re all expecting, but I think you’re going to like it regardless ;)
> 
> (Also, yes, I researched this chapter, and what Phil does IS possible, and olive oil really is a safe-ish alternative for lube, as long as you clean up.)

For a long while, Dan felt too content with Phil's cock buried deep inside of him, and Phil’s body braced over his, to pay attention to the way the rest of his body was beginning to ache. Eyes closed, Dan found himself breathing in Phil’s scent, not caring about the cramping in his legs, or the fact that he could feel his body slipping from the table. Phil’s hips were the only thing keeping him in place, shaking a bit against Dan’s thighs, but managing to hold both him, and Phil, up.

It was such a wonderful state to be in that Dan didn’t want to move.

Eventually, however, his own limbs started to shake, and the ache in his bum and his back, became too much. Groaning softly, Dan opened his eyes, and bowed his back up in an attempt to get Phil’s attention, dragging their wet chests together. His legs fell from where he’d hoisted them up around Phil’s hips, and he whined when that only caused his body to start shifting even further down the kitchen table.

Dan’s movements roused Phil, eliciting a deep groan. Phil repositioned his hips, pulling out of Dan. Dan winced as the movement sent an aching flare up his back, and adjusted himself a bit to accommodate it. His own movement, combined with Phil pulling out, caused a domino effect, and before Dan knew it, he could feel Phil’s come beginning to drip free from his body. Dan tensed instinctively, body clenching down to keep the liquid inside of him. He wanted to hold onto Phil as long as he could.

On shaking legs, Phil relocated his hands under Dan’s thighs, and helped him to move so he was laying all the way back on the kitchen table. Sighing in appreciation of Phil’s efforts, Dan let his eyes drift closed again, and his body properly relax. He could feel the ache of the forming bruises on his neck, his chest, and his ribs.

Every single fiber of him felt _alive_ , and it was the best sensation Dan had ever felt.

Phil was moving around. Dan could hear him trying to find his balance before he finally seemed to fall forward, shaking hands finding Dan’s hips. Dan cracked his eyes open, surprised at how unsteady Phil seemed, and felt heat fill his stomach with desire at the sight in front of him.

Phil’s head was hung low between his shoulders, fringe hanging right in his eyes, as he panted. Dan could still see the thick rim of his black glasses framing his face, and the sight was intoxicating. Phil really, really looked good in his glasses. Dan needed to make sure Phil wore them more often. He would say _always_ , but Dan wasn’t sure he had the self control for Phil to always be in glasses.

Phil was also covered in sweat, and Dan could see Phil shaking just as much as Dan was, something that made Dan’s heart leap in joy. He’d made Phil feel just as good as Phil had made him feel, and in the end, that was all that Dan could really ask for.

It took a moment, but eventually, Phil looked up and caught Dan’s eye.

Something about his expression still echoed the heartbreak Dan had seen earlier, but the anger was gone. The tear stains from Phil crying were still wet on his cheeks, glistening a little from the glare of the sun streaking in from the window behind him. Heart aching at the sight, Dan reached up to wipe the trails away, and cupped Phil’s cheek when he was done.

Not sure how else to comfort his boyfriend, Dan merely offered him a soft smile, and managed to croak out, “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Phil replied. He still sounded hoarse and a little breathless, but his body wasn’t shaking so hard anymore, and he wasn’t panting so hard that it was the only sound Dan could hear.

Slowly, the heartbreak made way for a gentle smile, as Phil’s eyes lit up with humor. “But this,” he asserted, grinning as he indicated the kitchen table they’d just _fucked_ on, “Goes to our grave,” he vowed, trying and failing to look serious. “I swear to god, Dan, no one can know we fucked on my _parents’_ kitchen table!”

The last of his sentence dissolved into a high pitched laugh, as Phil let his head fall forward again, hanging between broad shoulders.

“Fuck,” he added, body shaking over Dan’s as he continued to laugh. “You have no idea what you do to me,” Phil murmured close to Dan’s ear.

The entire situation was _just_ this side of ridiculous, and anything was better than the pain that had been on Phil’s face before. Letting out a high pitched laugh of his own, Dan reached up and pressed his fingers through Phil’s shaky black hair, tugging a little in order to force Phil to look up at him.

Phil did. His cheeks were still flushed, his eyes bright, and his smile the best thing in the world. Dan felt his heart swell.

Dan was incapable of wiping the smug look off his face. It finally felt like Phil had been _just_ as into this as Dan had been. Maybe Phil really had just been upset that Dan was upset, and his tears had been for Dan’s pain. If that was all it was, Dan could die happy.

It took a moment for Phil to seem to register Dan’s change in demeanor, but when he did, he rolled his eyes and leaned back in for a chaste kiss.

“Someone looks pleased with themselves,” he joked.

His voice, somehow, had gone huskier, and it made Dan’s cock pulse. His eyes went wide as passion suddenly overtook humor. Dan thought he could feel another bead of cum ooze from the tip of his cock, and tried not to flush at the realization that he had more to give.

Phil didn’t miss it, though. Dan watched his eyes drift down to Dan’s cock as Dan’s face paled, and his smile fell away. Phil’s grin faded into a look of shock.

“I’m gonna need, like, another hour if you want more from me, Dan,” he murmured, sounding both exasperated and amused as his eyes flitted back up to Dan’s. Slowly, he leaned down to kiss Dan again. His lips were sweeter this time, and he kept his tongue to himself, instead sucking lightly at Dan’s bottom lip.

Slowly, he drew away, pressing one final chaste peck to Dan’s lips before raising up enough to look him in the eyes, properly this time. His expression had gone soft, and a little hesitant.

“And you owe me a conversation before that,” he whispered.

Dan knew immediately what Phil was talking about. He _had_ promised he’d explain everything afterwards, and Dan didn’t _mind_ talking to Phil, it just was that… well, Phil had a way of making Dan crave _more_.

Nevertheless, Dan nodded his head. Anything for Phil.

“Great,” Phil replied, eagerly acknowledging Dan’s compliance. “But first we need a shower.” Before Dan could so much as reply, Phil hoisted himself up from where he’d bent over Dan, and steadied himself on shaky legs. Instantly, his arms found Dan’s waist, and he started to help Dan climb off of the kitchen table. His hands were warm and comforting, a reassuring weight that Dan would never tire of.

“Thanks,” he murmured, cheeks flushing, once his feet had hit the ground. Of course, being vertical meant the steady flow of _things_ dripping out of him picked up pace a bit, and Dan grimaced at the feeling.

Glancing down at himself, Dan tried to take stock of just how much of a mess he was making, and grimaced again at the sight of his legs covered in far more substances than they probably should be.

Before Dan could even look up and judge Phil’s reaction, Phil sighed.

“And that would be why I said I wasn’t gonna come inside of you today. Only _someone_ decided they didn’t care,” Phil teased, his voice just this side of snarky. His gaze was knowing, and his lips curled up in an amused smile that left Dan unable to do anything more than snort at Phil’s displeasure.

Dan, he tucked his face into Phil’s neck, and allowed his body to fall back into Phil’s. His arms moved up to wrap around Phil’s neck in order to hold on tight as he squeezed him.

Phil’s arms tightened around Dan’s waist in return, and he sighed into Dan’s hair.

The moment made Dan’s chest feel light, and for the first time in the last twelve hours, Dan actually felt content. He wasn’t fighting off the anger, hurt, or resentment towards his parents anymore. He was just enjoying his time with Phil.

“Might wanna get in the shower soon,” Phil murmured after a moment. His hands moved from around Dan’s waist to his hips, fingers drawing small circles against the tanned skin there. He made no effort to make either of them move, however, and when Dan peeked up at Phil to find out what was distracting him, he realized that Phil’s chin had moved to his shoulder, and he was quite obviously staring at Dan’s bum.

Phil’s expression was confusing. He definitely didn’t look happy about the clean up, and yet he was biting his bottom lip as if -

Dan grinned, realization dawning on him. Slowly, he pulled back, dislodging Phil’s chin from his shoulder, and stared up at him. His eyes were dark, seductive.

“I told you I wanted you to mark me up,” he murmured. “And I meant _everywhere_ ,” he added, breath puffing out hotly against Phil’s lips. “I wanted you to claim me… and having your come inside of me was just for me.”

Phil let out a soft groan at Dan’s words, the sound a hot puff against Dan’s mouth. His hands tightened on Dan’s hips, and he drew him in tight to Phil’s chest, his cock pulsing against Dan’s thigh in sudden interest. Dan grinned.

“Don’t say things like that,” Phil murmured, voice breathy. “Fuck, Dan.” He was stuttering, and it was clear he wanted Dan just as much as Dan wanted him.

Humming, Dan let his eyes fall shut as he closed the space between them and kissed Phil again. This time, Dan was the one to press his tongue inside of Phil’s mouth, not giving him the smallest chance to argue against it, and sighed when Phil let out a huff of pleasure.

“Why not?” Dan asked, voice just this side of husky as he pulled away. “It’s true,” he breathed. “And it’s clearly turning you on.”

Dan could feel Phil’s cock thickening against his thigh, starting to curve upwards, like it wanted _more_. So much for Phil needing another _hour_. The feeling was intoxicating. Groaning a little at the thought, Dan found himself tempted to reach down and take Phil’s cock in his hand, to stroke him fast and hard in his fist until he came all over Dan, and marked him that way, too.

“Do you like the thought of marking me up?” Dan asked, making his voice as low as he could manage. He let his eyes flutter, and he did his best to look as sensual as he could manage, “Of marking me with your come?” he breathed, ghosting his lips over Phil’s cheek. Phil’s breathing hitched, and he gasped under Dan’s touch, his hands shaking where they held Dan’s hips. “Do you like being able to see yourself leaking out of me?” Dan practically _moaned_ , mouthing over Phil’s jaw, and skimming his tongue just under Phil’s bottom lip.

Slowly, Dan released his hold around Phil’s neck, spurred on by the soft sounds Phil was beginning to make. They weren’t quite moans, just sighs of pleasure and desire, and Dan suddenly wanted nothing more than to do just what he’d been imagining, and stroke Phil to a second orgasm. Fingers trailing down Phil’s chest, Dan leaned in for an actual kiss, aching to touch, and to stroke, but before he could reach Phil’s dick, before his lips could find Phil’s, Phil stopped him.

His hand found Dan’s wrist, stilling it, and he took an actual step back as his fingers wrapped tight around Dan’s wandering hand.

When Dan looked up into his eyes, Phil’s pupils were completely blown. The tiniest sliver of blue outlined the black of his eyes.

“If it were up to me, you’d always be filled with my come,” Phil growled, his voice gravelly. He almost looked as intense as he had earlier, when he’d glared at Dan and dominated the _fuck_ out of him, demanding that Dan follow his rules and _dont touch, don’t move_.

But it was his words, more than anything, that made Dan’s eyes roll to the back of his head, and his cock twitch in interest. He let out a long, low moan that came from deep inside of his chest.

“If it were up to me, no one would _ever_ forget you were _mine_ ,” Phil added, voice filled with raw _desire_ that sent arousal straight to Dan’s groin.

Deciding _fuck it, who cares_ , Dan shoved in close to Phil again, and tried to wrench his wrist from Phil’s hand so he could finally _touch him_.

But Phil stopped him again.

He grabbed Dan’s hip, and angled him carefully away from Phil’s body.

“We can’t. Not here,” Phil said gruffly. “Not right now. We need a shower first,” he insisted, sounding just as put out as Dan suddenly felt. Pouting a bit, Dan tried one more time to encourage Phil to let them just _do it_ , but Phil’s hand’s tightened on Dan’s hip, and on his wrist.

He looked more than a little sexually frustrated himself as he spoke up again. “Dan, I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d have to clean you up afterwards. Olive oil isn’t exactly the safest thing to have in your body. At least not… _that_ way,” he insisted with a pained smirk. “I don’t want to leave it in you any longer than necessary.”

His words were strained and a little stuttered as Phil very obviously tried to maintain some control, a sight Dan hated to see. He much preferred the out of control Phil. Besides… who said a shower had to ruin their fun?

“I’ve always liked showers,” Dan murmured slyly, lowering his lashes and staring up from under them in an attempt to entice Phil, to convince him that they could have sex just as easily in the shower as they could downstairs.

Phil groaned, and for a moment, Dan thought he’d won. But then Phil let go of his wrist, of his hip, and took a step away from Dan’s body.

“Are you _trying_ to work me up again?” Phil sighed, reaching up and pressing a hand through his hair, pushing his fringe up into a quiff. Dan licked his lips at the sexy sight _that_ made, and almost stepped forward to kiss Phil again, except that Phil was giving him a very stern look.

Freezing in place, Dan just kind of looked at Phil, and hoped he hadn’t finally pushed him too far.

“I’m serious, Dan, I need like… a _minimum_ of an hour before I think I could come again,” Phil insisted, trying and failing to frown with a raging hard on hanging between his legs. Slowly, Dan’s gaze drifted down, taking in the sight of Phil’s _very_ interested dick, and raised an eyebrow at it.

“I think your cock would beg to differ,” Dan replied slyly. He didn’t even attempt to hide the way he licked his lips, and slowly trailed his gaze back up Phil’s body, lingering for a moment on the little scruff of hair in the middle of Phil’s chest.

By the time Dan was looking at Phil’s face again, Phil had already narrowed his eyes at him.

“Knock it off, Dan,” Phil hissed, reaching down in an attempt to hide his cock from view. It was no use, though. If there was one thing that was true about Phil, it was that he was rather hung. If Dan wasn’t mistaken, he was at least a _little_ more than average, and his hands were not quite big enough to shield his erect cock.

“And if I don’t?” Dan teased, taking another step forward that was matched easily by Phil, who was slowly beginning to look more and more pissed off.

“Don’t fucking test me right now, Dan,” Phil challenged, crossing his arms over his chest. His expression was dark, and strained, but despite the obvious frustration, Phil’s voice still shook like he _wanted_ to give in, but couldn’t. Dan stopped moving, and bit his lips he realized that Phil was actually serious, and that Dan _really_ need to stop.

“I’m serious, Dan,” Phil pressed. “Not _now_.” Without another word, Phil turned his back on Dan, and headed straight to the kitchen sink where he turned on the faucet and grabbed a paper towel. “Go upstairs. We need a shower. I’ll meet you in there in a minute.”

Frowning at the rather harsh dismissal, Dan took a step forward. The least Phil could do was _come with him_.

“Come with me at least,” he complained. He didn’t know if Phil was flat out rejecting shower sex, or if he was just rejecting going any further until they’d cleaned up a bit, but either way, Dan didn’t particularly want to be separated from Phil just then. Not when Phil had already made him feel so good. Not when Dan was so afraid that being alone would send him spiraling back into the pain his parents had left him with that morning.

The sink faucet turned off, and Phil turned around to look at Dan with a wet paper towel in his hand. His expression was schooled back into that blank look he was so good at, and he stared pointedly at the kitchen floor.

Dan glanced down, and flushed as he remembered that he was leaking bodily fluids that weren’t exactly his.

“I need to clean up, Dan,” Phil insisted. “I’ve got a feeling we aren’t going to want to come back down here later,” he muttered with a sigh.

While the words weren’t exactly what Dan wanted to hear, they were enough to send a small thrill coursing through him. That didn’t sound like an outright rejection, at least. Maybe Phil _would_ be up for that second round, if Dan would just behave and do what he said.

Shivering a little at the thought of that, of Phil continuing along in this dominate role, Dan briefly closed his eyes. When he opened them again, Phil was still staring him down, clearly waiting for Dan to walk away.

“Fine,” Dan finally agreed. “Just don’t take too long, okay?” he pleaded.

Phil nodded dutifully, and Dan sighed as he finally turned away.

Doing his best to keep from making any more of a mess of the kitchen, Dan squeezed his legs together a bit to keep the come and olive oil mostly on himself, not the floor, and followed the trail of their clothes he and Phil had left in their wake. He was quick to gather them in his arms, adamant that there would be no evidence of what they’d done for Phil’s parents to see, and even grabbed his suitcase while he was at it.

Tugging the rolling bag behind him, Dan headed for the stairway, and did his best to struggle up the steps with his arms full and his bag falling behind him. He didn’t bother to attempt to carry it, and just let it thump along behind him, knowing Phil would understand what was going on.

Once inside of Phil’s bedroom, Dan dumped the pile of clothes into Phil’s hamper, dropped off his luggage case, and headed back out of Phil’s room for the bathroom. He wasn’t entirely sure when Phil’s parents would be home, but he was confident it would be long after their shower, at the very least. Rummaging through his pack for a change of clothes was hopefully unnecessary.

The Lester’s had a fairly unique shower head that Dan had originally taken a bit of time to get used to, but now he stepped into the large stall without hesitation, and flicked the water on, turning knobs and pulling the little bit of string that brought the water pressure up as soon as the water was warm enough for his liking.

The water was soothing against the sore muscles of his back. Dan sighed as he bent his head forward, allowing the water to wash over the tense tendons. He didn’t bother starting to wash himself down, hoping that Phil would wash Dan when he joined soon.

Dan wanted to wash Phil as well, wanted to have that same moment they’d had months ago, the first and last time they’d ever shared a shower. He wanted to replicate the intimate feeling of washing each other down. It would be the cherry on top of the morning they’d already had. And maybe it would help put off that whole conversation they needed to have…

His mind drifted, soaking in the memories of what it had felt like to have Phil fuck him like that, to have Phil dominate him and take control, to show Dan a side of him he’d never seen before. He felt himself getting aroused again, and prayed to a god he wasn’t sure existed that Phil would take him up on that offer of shower sex. Maybe. He hadn’t seemed _completely_ opposed.

It seemed to take forever before Phil joined him in the shower, though. Dan eventually heard Phil walk into the room and turn on the sink faucet, but he didn’t open the shower door and join Dan right away. Instead, he seemed to hesitate, and Dan poked his head out from around the glass door to find out why.

Phil was putting his contact lenses in, the lense pot balanced precariously on top of the tap. Dan pouted at the sight.

“No, leave your glasses on,” he insisted, startling Phil a bit, who jumped fumbled with the little plastic lens on his finger. Dan would have felt worse if he wasn’t so against Phil putting them in in the first place.

Frowning, Phil turned around.

“I can’t see anything, Dan, and I can’t exactly wear my _glasses_ in the shower,” he explained.

“But you look so hot with your glasses,” Dan insisted, doing his best to give Phil his best pout. “And you never wear them around me. Please?” he begged.

Phil wasn’t having it. His frown deepened as he stared at Dan, and he shook his head determinedly. “Not now, Dan. I need contacts to shower.”

Pouting further, Dan nonetheless gave in. It wasn’t as if he knew what it was like to be blind as a bat, the way he knew Phil was, so he couldn’t exactly argue. Still. Dan needed to get on that whole, _encouraging Phil to wear his glasses more often_ thing.

Eventually, Phil joined him in the shower. The sound of the glass door sliding open, and a gust of cold air alerted Dan to the fact that Phil was coming in, and then there were warm arms wrapped around his waist. Dan sighed as Phil pulled him back against his chest, and pressed a tender kiss to the top of his head.

“Mm, hi,” Dan murmured, sinking into Phil’s touch. His head hit Phil’s shoulder, and he tilted his head back to look up into warm blue eyes.

Phil grinned back.

“Hi, yourself,” he whispered. He squeezed his arms around Dan’s waist again for good measure, and then slowly helped to turn Dan around in his arms. Dan went willingly, and hummed when Phil pressed their chests together, forehead falling onto Dan’s. His eyes, that familiar, beautiful blue, looked like they were glowing as Phil smiled down at him.

“You look good in my shower,” Phil added, and then kissed him without waiting for a response. Their mouths slotted together easily, the motion familiar and almost natural, now. Dan’s eyes fluttered closed, and he forgot about everything else. For the first time all morning, their kiss was gentle. It was softer, and kinder, with that little bit of the romance and affection that Dan knew Phil desperately loved - and that Dan loved just as much.

Dan’s hands wrapped around Phil’s neck, and he held himself close to his boyfriend. Phil’s hands moved to cup Dan’s cheeks, and he stroked under his eyes gently, kissing Dan with all that he had. His every movement was gentle, reaffirming, and exactly what Dan had needed.

So Dan was understandably upset when Phil pulled away.

Whining, Dan tried to chase Phil’s lips, which only caused Phil to laugh at him and step away. His hands moved to Dan’s shoulders, holding him back from pressing too far into Phil’s personal space, while he offered Dan a soft smile.

“Shh,” Phil hummed, “We can make out later. Come on. Let me take care of you now, and then we can talk.”

Unable to argue, Dan just sighed, and relaxed under Phil’s touch. Slowly, Phil guided him around so he was stood just in front of Phil, but not quite under the spray of the water, and then reached for the body wash sitting on the shelf.

Dan let his eyes slide closed as Phil started to wash him down. He worked a warm wash cloth covered in body wash down Dan’s chest, and over his arms, working up a nice lather and soothing Dan at the same time. His touches weren’t completely gentle, but they weren’t rough either, and Dan loved it.

It was times like these Dan thought Phil would be an amazing dad. Maybe one day, they could both be…

But Dan wasn’t going to think about that just then. He had far more important things to think about right now, one of which… included his parents. Unfortunately.

Letting out a disgruntled sigh, Dan turned dutifully in Phil’s hold when his boyfriend nudged him to do so, and allowed Phil to push him under the spray of the water. The suds on Dan’s upper body slowly washed away, and then Phil moved back in close to wash his hands through Dan’s hair as well.

Dan allowed himself to get lost in Phil’s ministrations, shoving all thoughts of the future to the back of his head, and doing his best to live in the here and now instead. It was far better to be warm and taken care of in Phil’s arms, then have to worry about any sort of eventuality.

But Dan’s fathers words still echoed in his head. _Whatever you have with that **friend**_ _of yours ends now. Do you understand me?_

“My turn,” Phil murmured against the shell of Dan’s ear, startling him out of his thoughts. Dan jumped, not having realized that Phil had finished washing his hair, and was now trying to hand Dan the washcloth. Taking it, Dan did his best to shake away his thoughts, and offered Phil a gentle smile.

Lathering up the washcloth for Phil this time, Dan set to work.

But his head was still far, far away. All he could think about was how horrid he’d felt when he’d left that morning, and how terrible he’d still felt when he’d shown up at Phil’s.

The fact that Phil had taken him in without question that morning still seemed almost unbelievable.

But Dan hadn’t even given Phil a chance to talk before he’d jumped on him. He hadn’t given Phil a chance to ask what was going on, or to even push and find out just what Dan had meant when he’d begged Phil to make him _Phil’s_.

There was a part of Dan that felt horrible for that, if only because Phil had looked so heartbroken. Sure, it was possible that Phil had just been upset that Dan was upset, but what if it was more than that?

Dan hadn’t realized he’d stopped scrubbing Phil until Phil turned around in his arms and sighed. Startled, Dan nearly dropped the washcloth, and jumped when Phil’s fingers wrapped around his wrist to hold it in place.

“Okay, what’s going on, Dan?” Phil asked, his voice soft as he leaned in close. Dan bit his lip, a little ashamed at having been caught out, but more so that he’d been so distracted he hadn’t been able to take care of Phil the way Phil had taken care of him.

Shrugging a little, Dan tried to ignore the issue, rubbing the wash cloth on Phil’s chest with renewed vigor, but Phil wasn’t having it. He sighed again, and nuzzled at Dan’s face with his nose.

“You know you can tell me anything, right Dan?” he asked, breath warm against Dan’s cheek. Dan felt his eyes start to burn a little, emotion welling inside of him, but he didn’t cry. He didn’t want to cry. There was no _reason_ to cry. So he held it back, and shrugged his shoulders again.

“I guess I’m just… worried I upset you, earlier,” Dan muttered. “I didn’t exactly explain what the hell was going on,” he continued, avoiding Phil’s gaze, “and I’m starting to feel guilty about it.”

Phil’s movements stopped before Dan had even finished talking. His fingers were warm against Dan’s wrist, and his breath continued to puff against Dan’s cheek, but his nose stopped skimming soothing movements against Dan’s. He seemed frozen in place, a fact that didn’t settle well in the pit of Dan’s stomach.

Unable to think of anything more to say, Dan just waited for Phil to respond.

“Oh,” Phil murmured, drawing away and letting go of Dan’s wrist. When Dan risked a glance at his face, he found that Phil’s expression was unreadable. Dan swallowed thickly, that swell of emotion from earlier lodging in his throat, and causing him to feel even more terrified than he already did. “Right,” Phil added after a moment, without so much as looking at Dan.

Dan didn’t know what to make of that. It wasn’t exactly an answer, after all.

But he didn’t have to wait long for Phil to continue.

“I’m not… upset at you,” Phil sighed, reaching up to brush wet hair back and off of his face. He still wasn’t looking at Dan. “It’s more like… I’m upset in general?” His voice trailed off into an uncertain question as he grimaced. “I just… don’t know how upset I should be, or if I should be worried,” he explained.

Finally, finally, he turned his head to look at Dan, and the heartbreak Dan thought he’d seen earlier was back. It was clear Phil was trying to hide it, though, clear that he didn’t want Dan to be worried about _him_ , and that, more than anything, hurt.

Before Dan could say anything, though, or even try to interrupt and explain to Phil what was going on, Phil shook his head and forced a pained looking smile onto his face.

“But it’s fine, Dan. _I’m_ fine. We can talk about all of that later. For now… I just want to be with you. Besides, we _really_ need to finish this shower,” he explained with a small chuckle. “Olive oil might be a good enough substitute for lube, but it’s not a very _comfortable_ one, nor should we leave it inside of you for too long. Besides, I uh… kind of… came inside of you, and I’m not sure that’s the most comfortable feeling in the world,” Phil said, his voice trailing off into that same deep, dark tone of desire that Dan had heard downstairs, just before Phil had stepped away from Dan and kept them from going any further.

Dan shivered at the sound, reaching out to prop himself up on the shower wall beside him as a wave of desire crashed through him. He couldn’t help it. The reminder that he’d taken Phil’s entire load of come not more than an hour ago was making his head spin.

Somehow, Dan knew it had been Phil’s intention to distract him. The smirk that spread itself across Phil’s face was enough of an indication, not to mention the way he stepped in close, and pressed the palms of his hands to Dan’s hips.

“No, it’s not,” Dan agreed, biting his bottom lip. His eyes flicked back and forth between Phil’s, trying to decide if he should push their earlier conversation, or give Phil this.

The look on Phil’s face told Dan that maybe, just maybe, it was Dan’s turn to give Phil what he wanted without question.

“But I liked it,” he admitted, allowing his voice to go breathy. While he might be letting Phil get away with changing the subject, it didn’t mean that Dan wasn’t _serious_ when he said he liked the feel of Phil’s come inside of him. “Like, _a lot_. It felt so good, when I could feel you coming undone inside of me… I felt like… like… like I was _yours_ ,” he whimpered, pressing his body in close to Phil’s, and groaning when their erections rubbed against each other.

Phil groaned, rolling his hips into Dan’s. He seemed to go speechless as he pressed his face into the crook of Dan’s neck and sucked a kiss into the sensitive bit of skin. The touch caused Dan to push into Phil’s hips, and let out a small gasp.

Dan felt Phil grin into his skin.

“You like that, don’t you, Dan?” Phil asked, maneuvering an arm between their bodies, and letting hot fingers roam over heated skin. “You like the way our cocks feel pressed together, hmm?” he continued, drawing his fingers to Dan’s nipples, and squeezing one lightly between the tips of two fingers.

Dan let out a loud moan, and felt his hips twitch forwards.

Phil chuckled, and let his fingers move further down, caressing them over Dan’s ribs, before allowing them to move to Dan’s bum. Dan felt his breathing hitch as Phil’s fingers played with the cleft of his ass, but before he could press any farther, he pulled away completely.

Dan whined.

“Shh. We’ll get there,” Phil murmured, both amused and sensual. “I’ll make sure you come again. Just let me clean you out first,” Phil insisted softly. “I’ll make it worth your while,” he added for good measure, voice coy, and while Dan wasn’t _entirely_ sure what that meant, he was willing to take anything Phil offered him just then.

“Okay,” he agreed breathlessly. Phil’s dick pressing against his was starting to get him excited again, and he couldn’t deny that he was eager for another round, if Phil was willing to give it to him.

Phil chuckled, and moved his head to press his lips to Dan’s ear.

“You wanted me to mark the hell out of you earlier for _someone_ … well this time, I think I want to remind _you_ just how much I love you.”

Dan shivered at the implications, letting out a soft moan, regardless of the fact that Phil hadn’t even touched him yet. His voice, hot against Dan’s ear, was enough to make Dan’s cock twitch and his breathing go unsteady.

Phil’s hands moved until both were gripping Dan’s hips, and then he turned Dan completely, and walked Dan forward until Dan’s chest was pressed against the cold tile of the shower wall. The warm water of the shower head pounded against his low back as Phil adjusting Dan’s hips so that Dan was extending his bum out.

Dan felt like he was being presented, as Phil pushed his feet apart and forced him to open himself up to him, and he couldn’t help but _love_ that. He had to force himself to remember that Phil was doing this to _clean him_ , and not to get him off.

“Remember when I promised you a prostate massage?” Phil purred, his words just loud enough to be heard over the pounding of Dan’s blood in his veins, and the shower driving down over Dan’s head.

 _Fuck_ , Dan definitely remembered that promise.

He let out a guttural moan, and shoved his hips back further, practically begging for what Phil was offering him, despite the fact that just a moment ago, Phil had implied that sex was _not_ on the agenda right away.

They hadn’t had a chance to explore a prostate massage yet, though, because every time they’d tried, they’d been unable to restrain themselves and always ended with Phil fucking Dan instead. Now, though… Now Dan thought they might succeed, and he _really_ liked the sound of that.

Chuckling darkly, Phil shuffled around behind Dan. Dan could hear Phil moving, but he couldn’t see him. No matter how hard he tried to strain his head over his shoulder, the position Phil had put Dan in made it impossible to see anything.

Dan had his arms pressed up against the shower wall to keep him in place, and he was bent over like he was going to get fucked. His head swung low between his shoulders, and Dan honestly wanted nothing more than to reach between his legs and tug at his cock.

God, he wished that were possible, but if he _did_ , Dan was afraid he might fall. Besides, he knew better than to give his cock too much stimulation. He didn’t want to hit that wall of oversensitivity that had always previously prevented him from coming, and with Phil, he hadn’t run into that problem in a long time.

Finally, the sound of Phil’s knees hitting the shower floor reached Dan’s ears, and he moaned at the mental image that gave him. He could feel his heart beat in his ears as Phil’s fingers came up to massage at this bum, cupping each cheek and squeezing lightly the way he liked to anytime he had a chance to focus his attention on Dan’s arse. Dan’s eyes closed as heat started to blossom inside of him, and he let out a steady stream of soft whines as Phil played with his bum.

“I’ve done a bit more research on prostate massages,” Phil said after a moment, his breath hot as it puffed against Dan’s bum. Dan tried to look over his shoulder again, and failed, his cheeks surely flushed red with want.

“Mm?” he managed in response, wondering what Phil was getting at with that.

“Mm,” Phil replied on a soft chuckle, his mouth trailing warm, wet kisses over the skin of his bum, now. He bit down lightly, and then a little deeper, sucking at the skin and surely leaving a mark that Dan was sure would ache every time he sat from here on out. The thought of that alone made him want whatever Phil wanted to give him even more.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now,” Phil added when he pulled his mouth away, his hands starting to work at drawing Dan’s butt cheeks apart, exposing Dan’s red rim to Phil’s gaze. Dan could just imagine how he looked, with Phil’s cum still oozing out of him, clinging to Dan’s puffy rim, and making Dan look as used as he currently felt.

A tremor worked its way up Dan’s spine, and he grunted out a soft affirmative, an encouragement for Phil to keep going, to keep talking, to keep _touching_ \- whatever he wanted.

So Phil did. He started to press more kisses along Dan’s bum, pressing his tongue alongside his own fingers, and inching far too close to Dan’s rim for comfort. Dan wiggled a bit, though he couldn’t help wondering what it would feel like to have the heat of that warm muscle against him _there_. Shaking the thought away, Dan tried to keep himself still and relaxed, putting all of his trust into Phil, whose fingers finally moved to tease at his rim.

“I’ve learned a few tricks on the internet. The most interesting of which says I can probably get you to come two to three times in a row with just this.”

Dan, who hadn’t realized his eyes had drifted closed, felt his body spasm and his eyes fly open as a gasp ripped itself from his lips. His cock, previously half hard, jerked to full attention, pulsating where it hung between his legs. Dan could feel the sensation all the way down to his balls.

The thought alone of having multiple orgarsms, when Dan hadn’t even have been able to have _one_ until just a few months ago, made his knees weak.

Thankfully, Phil wrapped a supporting hand around Dan’s hip to help settle him and keep him in place.

He grinned against Dan’s skin.

“Do you like the sound of that, Dan?” Phil asked, his voice husky. Dan was almost surprised he could hear it over the sound of the shower, beating down on them.

“Do you like the sound of me dragging multiple orgasms out of you with my fingers alone?” Phil continued, mouthing along Dan’s arse. His lips were hot, hotter than Dan thought possible, and his teeth grazed lightly against his skin.

Phil kept going.

“Do you like the sound of me taking such good care of you that you never forget who you belong to again?” This time, his words were more of a _hiss_ as he bit down sharply on Dan’s inner bum. Dan gasped, surprised by the feeling, as Phil pressed one finger, wet with nothing but the stream of the shower water, against Dan’s rim.

Phil was relentless - both with his words and his movements.

“You asked me to mark you up so everyone would know who you belonged to, but what about you? Do _you_ need reminding?” Phil asked, pressing that finger _just_ beyond Dan’s outer walls.

His hips jerked back as he realized he was still so slick inside that Phil didn’t need any more lube. It was Phil’s words, however, that punched all of the air out of Dan’s lungs and made him gasp so loud he was sure the _neighbors_ in the next fucking house could hear. His bum thrusted back, pushing more of Phil’s finger inside of him, the pleasure contorting his spine into a deep arch

God, _god_ , Dan could feel Phil pressing his own come back inside of Dan. He hadn’t thought something could feel so fucking erotic, so fucking _sexy_ , and yet this, _this_ , was… was… fucking _ecstasy._ Dan’s body was on fire. Every last nerve ending was reacting to not just the feeling, but the _knowledge_ that Phil’s come was inside of him, and Phil was using it to loosen Dan up.

For a moment, Dan’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, and his ears rung with the sound that came from his veins humming, his blood pulsing through him so fast he could _feel_ it.

And then Phil spoke again. This time, his voice was somehow closer to Dan, like he was leaning over him to get in close, to make _sure_ that Dan heard every word of what he had to say.

“I think you do. I think you need a reminder that _you’re mine_.”

Abruptly, Phil bit down on the soft pudge of Dan’s side while his finger wriggled in deeper, the sensation of Phil’s come squelching within him making Dan’s toes curl, and his arms nearly give out. Doing his best to brace himself a little more securely, Dan let his knees give out instead, until they hit the floor and he was no longer half-bent over. A part of Dan felt bad for making it even harder for Phil to get inside of him now, but the other part of him just felt relieved that he no longer had to hold himself up.

All of the sensations currently coursing through him were just too much - in a good way. Dan never wanted them to stop, but if Phil planned to milk multiple orgasms out of him in one sitting, Dan wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold himself up past the first one.

Phil’s mouth worked at Dan’s ribs, biting harshly as he fingered him as deeply as he could get with one finger. He wasn’t massaging Dan’s prostate yet, but it was clear he was working up to it, as he jerked his finger around inside of Dan to make sure that he was still nice and loose.

But Dan wanted more. He was already panting and desperately in love with everything that Phil was doing, everything that he was saying. He wanted Phil to make him come his fucking brains out, wanted him to work Dan up again, and again, and again. He wanted Phil to remind Dan that he was Phil’s, he wanted Phil to -

“Prove it,” Dan gasped

 

Phil’s ministrations abruptly stopped. His finger stopped pressing inside of Dan, and his mouth pulled away from his ribs, hot breath panting against Dan’s sensitive, bruised up skin.

Dan couldn’t see Phil’s expression, but he could imagine it. If the way Phil had looked at him earlier today was anything to go by, he knew Phil must look… fierce, unyielding. Dan shivered, his shoulder blades drawing together as he breathed in deeply.

For a moment, Phil said nothing. He didn’t so much as move. He remained perfectly still, pressed against Dan, but refusing to give him anymore attention. His finger remained pressed inside of Dan, but it didn’t so much as _twitch._ Dan’s body shook, the hot spray of the shower teasing at his over sensitive skin, but giving Dan little to nothing compared to what he knew Phil could give him.

And then Phil pulled his finger free from Dan, and leaned up over him so his face was pressed up against Dan’s ear, and his wet hair was tickling at the side of Dan’s head.

“I intend to.”

Suddenly, two of Phil’s fingers were pressed up against Dan’s rim, and he leaned back so he could bite at the edge of Dan’s bum while his fingers mercilessly stroked over the puckered skin of Dan’s entrance. Dan squirmed at the sudden onslaught, unsure what to make of it, as Phil rubbed water against Dan’s body and not only cleaned it, but used it to tease Dan and draw arousal tighter around his belly.

He refused to dip his fingers in past the very tip of Dan’s hole, pushing and prodding at Dan’s entrance, stretching it and making Dan’s body ache with the need for _more_ , but not giving it. Instead, Phil worked his mouth along Dan’s bottom, his unoccupied hand moving from Dan’s hip to his butt cheek, pulling it wide so Dan’s hole was completely exposed to Phil. Phil’s mouth moved down along him lower and lower still, until once again Dan was tensing up from how close Phil was to his actual _arse hole_ , a place Dan considered to be unsanitary enough without Phil’s _mouth_ being there.

And then Phil leaned in even _closer_ , his breath hot and wet against Dan’s rim, a place that no one had so much as _looked_ at before Phil. The realization of how close Phil was to his entrance sent a flare of electric _need_ through him, so strong that Dan nearly cried out, and pressed his body back against Phil.

Suddenly, something wet slid along the edges of his rim in a lapping motion, and Dan _groaned_ , his entire body rocking back into the motion the same way Dan had wanted to rock back onto Phil’s mouth.

That’s when it hit him. The wet thing _was_ Phil’s mouth - his tongue, to be specific, and it was smoothing over the entire pucker of Dan’s rim in long, generous licks.

Dan’s entire body convulsed, his cock throbbing angrily as his hips thrusted back against the _insanely_ erotic feeling. Sparks of intense pleasure began to radiate up and down his spine, the feeling like nothing Dan had ever felt before, and while a part of him was mortified at the fact that Phil was licking _there_ , the rest of his brain was so far _gone_ from pleasure that he couldn’t so much as open his mouth to protest.

Instead, Dan merely let out a string of unintelligible noises as Phil’s mouth kept going, his tongue prodding along Dan’s rim, licking every bit of him, clearly trying to take in the taste of his skin. Dan’s body shook with the overwhelming sensation, his cock straining for a release that wasn’t quite ready to come. At the same time, the tension was rising so fast, Dan thought he might come _quickly_ for the first time in his entire life.

Unfortunately for Dan, that was the moment Phil tore his mouth away.

Over the sound of ringing in his ears, Dan could hear Phil chuckling at him.

“You taste good,” Phil rumbled, now tonguing at Dan’s buttocks instead while his fingers went right back to teasing at Dan’s rim. Two of the tips of his fingers pressed in and out a few times, before pushing deep inside, water covered enough to hopefully clean the oil from Dan’s body the way Phil so clearly seemed to want to. Phil’s other hand finally let go of Dan’s bum, and moved between his thighs, to the spot right between his balls and his arse. Phil’s fingers pressed up tight against the skin, pushing in deep like they were looking for something, but Dan couldn’t quite puzzle it out.

He was too busy coming down from the high that was the feeling of Phil licking at his _bum_.

“Wha-whaaa-whaaat was _that_ ,” Dan managed to gasp out, his arse clenching around the two fingers slick inside of him. His entire body was radiating with the lingering pleasure of Phil’s mouth against him, and while Phil’s fingers felt good as well, currently nothing could compare to wet heat of his mouth.

Phil chuckled again.

“That,” he mumbled, just loud enough Dan could hear him over the sound of the water pounding around them, around the sound of Dan’s heavy breathing, “That was my _tongue_ , Daniel.”

Dan nearly groaned at the words, a confirmation of what he’d already known. His entire body clenched up, sending another shock of pleasure through him as that forced Phil’s fingers deeper, forced them to rut up against his walls and _really_ start to pleasure him. Dan’s mouth dropped open on a cut off moan, too busy panting into the steamy air to really make any coherent noises, and he shoved his bum backwards onto Phil’s fingers.

The thought that Phil usually wore gloves for this kind of activity was bouncing around in Dan’s head, however. Not a few minutes earlier, Dan had wondered what Phil’s mouth on him might feel like, but he’d recognized that was an impossibility before it had even happened. Now, though, now Dan was doing his best to chase his thoughts and articulate his worries to Phil.

“Isn-isn-isn’t that unsanitary?” Dan managed, his voice a high pitched squeak as he fucked himself backwards on Phil’s fingers. Phil let him, massaging the space behind Dan’s balls while he jerked his fingers in and out of Dan to the rhythm of Dan’s movements. Phil’s mouth never stopped its gentle movements biting and licking at Dan’s arse, but he did draw away a bit at Dan’s question.

“Mm, usually,” Phil hummed, his voice dark. “But you haven’t eaten since _yesterday afternoon_ ,” he added with a sharp nip of reprimand to Dan’s bum, “and not only are we currently in a shower, but I’m washing you clean as we speak. In this instance,” he said, voice going lower, lips trailing up Dan’s bum and across his ribs, “We’re _definitely_ safe. Trust me, Dan. Let me take care of you.”

Phil nibbled at a tense bit of skin Dan was sure was already bruised, and yet the sensation burned a deep feeling of desire through his veins. He couldn't believe he’d once thought he wouldn’t be able to go a second round so soon after this morning, couldn’t believe how he’d gotten so lucky that Phil was willing to take care of him like this, didn’t know how he’d managed to find someone willing to _eat him out_ , something Dan had previously thought only ever happened in porn.

But he wasn’t going to complain, and he sure as hell trusted Phil.

Phil bit down harshly on another part of Dan’s ribs, sucking a bruise there, and groaning softly as his own actions. Dan barely heard the sound over his own violent moan, but he was glad that he did.

Slowly, Phil drew his mouth away from Dan’s skin.

“Do you trust me?” he asked.

Wordlessly, Dan nodded his head vigorously.

“Then let me take care of you,” Phil replied simply. He didn’t elaborate, didn’t explain what he was going to do. In fact, Phil seemed to give up on speaking entirely. Instead, Phil went right back to mouthing along Dan’s bum, went right back to work on Dan’s body

Dan had _no_ idea what was coming.

All he knew was that that Phil had researched prostate massages, that Phil wanted to _milk him_ for all that he was worth and give him as many orgasms as possible, that Phil wanted to maybe even push Dan to his limits, and that Phil planned to get his mouth involved in the process.

He had no idea how to prepare himself.

So he didn’t.

Phil’s fingers worked him open again, pumping in and out of him as Dan’s hips thrusted back. His mouth worked more and more bruises into the sensitive skin of Dan’s bum, as if Phil couldn’t get enough of tasting Dan’s sweet skin. The fingers pressed just behind Dan’s balls just kept massaging up, digging deep, _looking_ for something, while Dan could do nothing more than just _take_.

The slick feel of Phil’s fingers in and out of him only seemed to continue far longer than seemed necessary for _just_ a thorough cleaning. From time to time, Phil would remove his fingers completely, presumably washing them off, before returning them to Dan’s body. Each time this occurred, Dan only felt arousal build deeper and deeper inside of him, his body arching into the lost contact, and something swelling deep inside of him. The combined heat of Phil practically all over him, with the water from the shower and Dan’s own body temperature rising almost seemed too much, but Dan relished in it.

He couldn’t get enough.

His nerve endings were on fire as Phil continued to pleasure him. He still hadn’t pressed a third finger inside of Dan, however, and he didn’t seem inclined to search for Dan’s prostate, a frustrating realization that made Dan want to scream. He was too choked up to ask Phil what was going on, however, too worked up to even consider opening his mouth to make any kind of noise other than the unintelligible ones currently dripping from his lips. Dan had no control over himself as he started to shake.

And then a feeling that was oddly familiar and yet oddly not began to burn between Dan’s legs, right where Phil’s fingers were pressing. One moment, Phil was pushing up between Dan’s legs, pads of his fingers massaging a place Dan thought was odd, and then the next, a sharp surge of pleasure rocked Dan’s legs even more than they’d already been rocked.

Hands still holding himself up on the wall, Dan felt himself start to slip as he screamed out Phil’s name.

“That’s it, baby,” Phil murmured, breathing hot and heavy against Dan’s low back, where he’d quite suddenly moved. The feel of hot water flowed over Dan, but Phil mouthed over him anyway, moving hurriedly but purposefully, trying to get his face out from under the spray and yet seemingly intent to cover every last inch of Dan’s skin in the feel of Phil’s mouth. “You feel that?” he asked, adjusting himself so that his legs were resting on either side of Dan’s shaking ones.

As pleasure continued to ricochet through Dan, a slow burn of heat building low in the pit of Dan’s stomach, and Dan’s hands started to slip from the bathroom wall to the floor, Dan couldn’t help feeling grateful. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep himself still if it weren’t for Phil’s legs barring Dan’s in place.

Breathless, mind hazy with the feeling of overwhelming pleasure, Dan didn’t respond.

Phil didn’t seem to mind in the least.

“Believe it or not, that’s your prostate, Daniel,” Phil explained, voice wrecked beyond belief for someone who wasn’t currently getting any stimulation himself. “And I’m massaging it from the outside of your body.” His voice was gravely, desperate with desire just at the _sight_ of Dan. Dan’s thighs tensed, and his body clenched around Phil’s fingers, hips rocking down against Phil’s hand that was pressing into what was apparently his prostate, rather than back on the fingers inside of him.

Dan’s mouth dropped open in ecstasy. He was glad he wasn’t under the direct spray of the shower head, or else Dan was certain he’d be drowning from swallowing water.

“I’m going to make you come just from this,” Phil breathed, “I’m going to make you come _dry_ , so you can go again, and again, and again. I’m going to massage you from the inside with my fingers, I’m gonna get my mouth all over you, _inside_ you, until you never forget that you’re mine.”

The feeling was all too much. It was nearly overwhelming, and yet not at the same time. Dan could feel the orgasm growing, the feeling of pleasure washing over him as his vision seemed to white out. Phil’s words were echoing around sharply in his head, knocking the breath out of Dan’s lungs, and yet he couldn’t stop the nonsensical stream of moans dripping from his lips. His orgasm was building, that unending feeling of desperation sparking heat through Dan. The feeling of Phil’s fingers massaging against him was intense beyond belief.

Dan just wanted to come.

His legs jerked and shook as Phil pushed his fingers up against Dan, digging in deep, rolling in smooth, confident circles. His fingers thrusted in and out of Dan so fast, now, that Dan thought he was getting _fucked_.

He groaned, his nails digging into unyielding linoleum, and his head hanging so low his fringe no longer dripped, it _pooled_.

A final surge of white hot heat burned through Dan’s veins, and he screamed Phil’s name as he came.

Or at least, he sort of came.

At the last moment, as Dan’s body tensed so hard Phil couldn’t draw his fingers from Dan’s body, Phil drew his hand away from Dan’s prostate and stopped touching him. All stimulation stopped, and while Dan’s hips jerked, while the feeling of orgasm washed over him, his cock stayed hot and hard between his legs, straining and sensitive, but practically useless at what was supposed to be its job.

No come came out. In fact, while Dan felt the euphoria of orgasm wash over him, while Dan recognized that he had technically _come_ , his body continued to roar with arousal and desperate need.

Dan slumped forward, his arse pushing back against Phil, his cheek flat against the shower floor.

He was certain he was drooling.

“Wow,” Phil murmured. “I wasn’t sure that was going to work on the first try,” he admitted, sounding completely awed and so turned on Dan imagined it must hurt.

Phil wasn’t done with him though.

When Dan’s bum unclenched, Phil was able to go back to pushing his fingers in and out of him, this time a much slower drag, one that allowed Dan a moment to catch his breath. Phil moved his other hand to brace it against Dan’s bum, and pulled his cheeks apart in preparation for _more_ , something that Dan’s entire body was already begging for.

As much as Dan wanted _more_ , as much as Dan was _desperate_ for it, Phil didn’t give it to him right away. He took his time, working Dan up slowly, languidly.

Working him up for what, Dan couldn’t remember. His mind was whirling with the fact that he’d just come, untouched, and that his cock wasn’t waning in the least bit. In fact, other than feeling exhausted, Dan wasn’t even oversensitive, the way he usually felt immediately after an orgasm. Instead, his skin was buzzing with the desire for _more_ , an impossibility that only Phil had ever worked to bring out of Dan.

Then, Phil’s fingers pulled free of his body, and he leaned in to press a gentle kiss over Dan’s probably puffy rim.

“Ready, Dan?” Phil asked, voice just loud enough over the never ending stream of the shower.

 _God_ , Dan thought. Today alone was going to run the water bill up, but Dan couldn’t bring himself to complain.

The water had run lukewarm, but Dan didn’t mind. He was so hot by now that he almost wished the water was _cold_.

Closing his eyes, Dan managed a broken nod. While the orgasm had felt good, his cock was throbbing with the desire to _come_ , and something inside of Dan felt incomplete.

He needed _more._

Without another word, Phil pressed three fingers against Dan’s rim, and smoothly pushed inside. Phil’s movements were less frantic now as Dan started doing all the work, working himself backwards on Phil’s fingers slowly, hips canting in a gradual rhythm that made pleasure move through Dan’s body in gentle bursts of warm, slow building tension. He never wanted the feeling to end, but he couldn’t deny that when Phil started to take back some of that control, pressing in deeper and very clearly searching for that bundle of nerves inside of Dan, it felt even better.

Moving his hips a little, Dan did his best to help Phil find that spot deep inside of Dan, desperately ready for round two - well, technically, _three._

From Dan’s position on the bathroom floor, his body half turned, Dan could just barely see Phil’s face looking down on him, watching the way Dan’s body took his fingers with eyes so dark Dan could see no blue. The sight was intoxicating, and it didn’t help that Phil’s body was flushed a dark red, dripping with water. Dan could only imagine the way Phil’s cock must look like just then.

The hand on Dan’s bottom suddenly moved, disappearing between Phil’s legs, and the sound of slick skin on skin started to fill up the steam filled shower.

“God, you look good like this,” Phil grunted. His fingers fucking into Dan deeper. The movements were a little less measured as Phil seemed to try and take the edge off of his own arousal, but they were still so fucking good that Dan couldn’t find it in himself to complain. He didn’t _want_ to complain, didn’t _need_ to complain, because his mind and his body were coated in a blissful haze of pleasure that every little thing Phil did to him was good.

Dan didn’t know how long it took, or when it happened, but the pads of Phil’s fingers finally found Dan’s prostate, and at the first wild whine from Dan’s hips, Phil turned his fingers down and started to massage Dan from the inside the same way he’d massaged Dan from the outside. They moved in slow, practiced circles, the movements a bit more jerky than before as Phil continued to stroke himself, but nevertheless wonderful. The slow burn of orgasm that usually built in Dan’s stomach started to rise once again, building even slower than when they had fucked that morning, and yet it felt even more deep than any other time they’d fucked. It was like the previous orgasm had crested the needy wave Dan usually felt building inside of him, and was now urging along another side of Dan that Dan wanted to cling onto for dear life.

It was deeper, more primal, more _intimate_ , and with each passing stroke of three fingers over Dan’s prostate, he felt himself slipping further and further into the ever mounting pleasure. Phil felt like heaven over him. Phil felt like an extension of Dan’s body, and as Dan peeled his eyes open to stare at Phil, to stare at the way he touched Dan, the way he worked Dan up, opened him, built the the pleasure inside of Dan in ways he’d never known existed, Dan felt more connected to Phil than he’d ever felt connected to another person.

They felt like one person. Phil was touching Dan in ways Dan had never thought to touch himself before, like he knew Dan’s body better than Dan knew his own. The heat sizzled inside of him, melting like butter, coating his veins and his nerve endings in such bliss that Dan didn’t know how he’d ever live his life again after this. It just felt so good that Dan lost himself to it, giving in completely, jerking his hips backwards, and allowing himself to mumble nonsense at Phil.

His ears were ringing. He couldn’t hear a thing. The pleasure was too much, all encompassing, taking over every single one of Dan’s senses. He didn’t know how he was going to take much more of this, let alone _a third_ orgasm, and yet Dan never wanted it to end.

He wanted Phil’s tongue on him, in him, _all around him_. He wanted Phil’s body pressed to his, and Phil inside of him for the rest of eternity. He wanted to float on this haze of never ending pleasure for the rest of his life until his heart gave out and he died on the brink of orgasm. He wanted to exist on this plane of existence, with Phil and no one else, for as long as his body would let him.

So of course that was when the second orgasm unfurled inside of him coating his insides, rushing through Dan and rocking him to his core. Phil’s fingers seemed to know just when to withdraw, as he pulled them free at _just_ the right moment again, preventing Dan’s cock from releasing, preventing Dan’s body from untensing, uncoiling.

The motion, the way he was encouraging Dan’s body to orgasm again without actually coming, seemed so well practiced Dan was having trouble believing that this was Phil’s first time. It was hard to believe he’d only just done the research, that he’d only _just_ learned how to milk Dan’s prostate, and yet here he was. Dan’s mouth fell open and he garbled out a broken sounding _thank you_.

Phil chuckled, and whispered back a soft, “You’re mine,” in the spot just behind Dan’s ear.

He didn’t mind.

He was Phil’s, and he loved Phil, and he knew Phil loved him, and to hell with Dan’s parents. They could pry Phil away from his cold, dead hands, because nothing, _nothing_ , could ever compare to this. Nothing could ever make Dan feel as complete as Phil did, and it was only partially due to the way Phil was working him over, drawing pleasure out of Dan that Dan had never felt before.

Mostly, it just had to do with the fact that Phil was willing to give Dan _so much_ to make him happy. He’d neglected his own cock while simultaneously allowing Dan to work him up into a frenzy. He’d denied his own need to know why Dan was upset, to instead give Dan the kind of comfort, the kind of _reassurance_ , Dan had begged for. Phil had dropped everything the moment Dan had called and asked to come over. Phil had opened his arms, his heart, his home, his _life_ , to Dan, and now he was giving Dan a connection that Dan thought was unbreakable.

It took some time for Dan to work himself down from his second orgasm. His cock ached between his legs, burning from the sensitivity. Dan could feel his balls hanging heavy, desperate for release, and yet his body was warm with the afterglow of a second orgasm. He was floating on a cloud, and it was a struggle to open his eyes to so much as look at Phil.

Phil, who’d removed his hands from Dan’s body, was now desperately jerking himself off over Dan’s back. Dan could now see the angry red tip of Phil’s dick, and the way it oozed at the tip. He could see the unrestrained need flexing every single one of Phil’s muscles, could hear the desperation in his voice as he groaned and grunted, teeth biting down so hard on his bottom lip Dan thought it might bleed.

Phil’s hand was working over himself so fast Dan wondered how it didn’t _hurt_.

But all he could really focus on was the way Phil had lifted his body to hover over Dan, dick poised to unleash all over him, marking Dan for the millionth time that morning alone. He craved the sensation of Phil coming all over Dan for once, and he forced his eyes to remain open in the hopes he’d actually get to see it. He wanted to watch Phil come apart, wanted to watch the way his cock twitched, wanted to see him drip come all over Dan’s body.

Phil’s wrist flicked as he pushed and pulled at his own foreskin, dragging it up and over his cock so fast it was nearly a blur. Drops of precum oozed down his hand, so much of it Dan was surprised Phil hadn’t actually already _come_. Phil’s hips fucked into his palm, uncontrollable, the sound of skin on skin growing louder and louder until they were finally eclipsed by the long sound of Phil moaning out his release.

Dan watched as Phil threw his head back, neck arching, adam’s apple bobbing. He watched as Phil’s hips jerked, as come started to stream from Phil’s cock, jerking out in spurts that splattered half on Dan’s back and half on Dan’s bum. The feeling of the shower water, probably long past cold, mixing with the come as it cascaded all over him made Dan shake with pleasure of his own, and he let out a moan that practically matched Phil’s.

He belonged to Phil. He was _Phil’s_ , and no one could take that away from him.

If the way Phil looked while coming all over him was any indication, Phil was his as well. Dan knew that without a shadow of a doubt. If Phil owned Dan’s heart, then Dan owned Phil’s.

Body throbbing with the desire for more, Dan nonetheless couldn’t find it in himself to ask for more, to whine or beg or even let Phil know that Dan was ready for that third round. Instead, he watched Phil through half lidded eyes as Phil came down from his own orgasm.

And wasn’t that a sight - Phil, ruffled and wet, cheeks flushed and mouth dropped open, slack, from pleasure. His hips were shaking, legs straining on the shower floor. The only thing seeming to keep Phil from slumping over _was_ his pleasure, something that seemed to make Phil unable to relax completely. His back was still ramrod straight, back curved in a small bow, as he shook through the feeling.

Dan had done that, technically. Dan had done that purely with his noises, with his body, with the _sight_ and _feel_ of him. Phil had come all over Dan _just from pleasuring Dan_ , and that was enough to make Dan shake with love and affection.

God, _fuck_ , he was the luckiest man alive.

Eventually, Dan couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He could still feel the steady pulse of water against his skin, but he felt nothing, wasn’t even sure the water wasn’t _ice cold_ , something Dan normally couldn’t stand. He was too hot, his body aching with two orgasms and the feel of Phil’s mouth burned into his skin, and he was so far gone at this point that he wasn’t sure he’d notice if the world started to end.

He recognized the feel of Phil touching him, though. That wasn’t something Dan was likely to forget for a long time yet. Letting out a soft, needy whine, Dan gave in to the push and pull of Phil’s body against his, as Phil pulled Dan’s bum backwards, and got him settled in a position that was arguably more comfortable.

Then the familiar stream of water came to an abrupt end, and Phil’s body slumped forward, collapsing onto Dan. One arm circled around Dan’s waist, helping to hold him in place.

“I’ve got you,” Phil murmured, pressing kisses all over Dan’s shoulder blades and his back, one hand running soothingly up and down Dan’s side. “Shh, baby, I’ve got you,” he said again, the words turning into a steady mantra as Phil’s hands kept moving. His voice was like gravel, but it was warm and affectionate at the same time. For a moment, Dan didn’t know why Phil was trying to soothe Dan, and then Dan realized that he was crying, softly, panting out whines of pleasure. Tears were definitely dripping down his cheeks, however, and while Dan was sure Phil knew he wasn’t in pain, it was still a little bit mortifying.

Phil had fucked him passed the point of coherency, and gotten Dan to cry.

Fuck, _fuck_.

His balls hurt with the need for release.

“Needa come,” Dan mumbled, unsure if Phil would hear him.

He did.

“I know, let me help you,” Phil murmured back, starting to skate his mouth back down Dan’s back, licking and biting over the curve of Dan’s spine, dipping into the small of his back, and flowing down the curve of his arse.

Dan knew what was coming, but he still wasn’t prepared for it. Phil’s hands gripped both buttcheeks and stretched Dan open, and his face moved in between so Phil could get at him with his mouth.

The first touch of his tongue against Dan’s rim was torture. It felt so good that Dan’s body spasmed, and he clenched around nothing. Phil’s fingers tightened around Dan’s bottom as he started to work at Dan in earnest, his tongue moving in long, heady stripes up and down Dan’s entrance. Dan could feel every breath that Phil took, could feel the way he panted against Dan, but his mouth was warm and wet and the hot muscle of his tongue was laving over Dan so insistently that Dan could do nothing but whine and arch his bum backwards, doing all that he could to get _more more more_.

Phil’s hands kept Dan mostly in place as Phil licked him, his tongue _everywhere_. It ran around Dan’s rim in circles, flicked up, and down, and over it. It smoothed over him in delicious waves that made ecstasy fill Dan’s veins. It was wet, and slippery, and very much so unlike a dick or even _fingers_ in the deft way it could move.

Not to mention the _feel_.

There was nothing quite like it.

Suddenly, Dan wondered if this is how his ex-girlfriend used to feel when Dan would eat her out, because if it was, he suddenly understood just why she liked it so much.

Dan’s skin was on fire. He could feel himself shivering. He could hear the sounds Phil made slurping at Dan’s body, taking all that he could get.

It was _everything_. Phil moved his mouth like he’d never tasted something better than Dan’s _arse_. He sucked at Dan like he couldn’t get enough, puckering his lips around Dan’s rim and sucking sharply. The feeling sent sharp, pulsing sensations through Dan’s body, made his legs feel like jelly. Dan would have fallen if it weren’t for the way Phil was pressed up behind him, hands on his bum, locking him in place.

Dan inhaled water, and gasped it back out in the same moment, eyes bunching up with need.

And then Phil pressed the tip of his tongue inside of Dan, and Dan felt himself starting to unfurl. Phil was proper tongue fucking him now, wiggling the slick muscle past Dan’s loose muscles and getting in as deep as he could. The first touch of Phil’s tongue against Dan’s inside walls made him scream, and his toes curl, his body shaking with the need for release. His orgasm rushed at him, faster than it ever had before, as Phil thrust his tongue in and out, sucking at Dan’s rim with the warm pucker of his mouth, and licking into him so deftly that Dan thought he would die from just this.

Perhaps it was the fact that he’d been, technically, on edge for so long. Perhaps it was because he was ready to burst, or just the fact that this was about as much as Dan’s body could take before it, too, had to unravel. Perhaps it was just the fact that Dan had technically already come twice in a row, far more times than he’d ever come so close together before, but whatever it was, Dan’s orgasm ripped through him so quickly Dan almost felt _normal_.

He lout out a long, wailing keen, his hips fighting against Phil’s tight grip, as his balls clenched and then released, his cock _pulsating_ as Dan started to come. Thick, long ropes of come painted the shower floor as Dan’s body slumped, and exhaustion took him over. The electric feeling of orgasm sparked through him, and as he gave into it, Phil continued to lick at him, hands rough but oh so _good_ on Dan’s skin.

Dan’s vision went black, but he didn’t pass out. Not really. He could still feel the wonderful feeling of orgasm flooding through him, could still feel Phil licking at him, nudging him through his orgasm, working his body like the expert that he was.

Dan was just floating.

His head felt overcome with endorphins, and he was floating.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to [@imnotinclinedtomaturity.](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com) I’m honestly so happy you’ve encouraged me to keep writing this story even though I’m a shit head who keeps saying I’m running out of steam. The story will likely be 6~8 chapters in length completely depending on how things go, as I have a vaugue outline, but I keep finding myself avoiding it entirely (this chapter wasn’t supposed to happen). Anyway, thanks to [@thoughtfullightcollectionii](thoughtfullightcollectionii.tumblr.com) for the inspiration for this chapter in particular, and I hope to see you guys again soon with another update!

It seemed to take ages for Dan to come down from his orgasm.

Slumped against the floor of the shower, Dan panted into the wet linoleum, and tried to breathe through the feeling of Phil continuing to lick gently at his rim. Phil’s hands were holding tight to his hips, his fingers curled around the jut of bone, moving in soothing motions that only made Dan’s orgasm feel even more intense.

It was beyond wonderful. It was something Dan had never imagined he’d feel, something he couldn’t have foreseen.

It was bloody brilliant.

Not only had Phil made Dan come _four times_ that day, but Phil had managed to draw three of them out of Dan one after another. The experience was enough to leave Dan feeling positively _weightless_. He could feel a slow, dazed smile growing on his face as he fought to catch his breath.

Slowly, Phil dragged his tongue up Dan’s rim one last time, and pressed a final peck ot Dan’s hole, before pulling away. Dan groaned, his hips instinctively jerking back in search of the wonderful feeling, but the rest of him slumping against the shower floor in relief. He wasn’t sure how much more stimulation he could take before he absolutely _exploded_.

Phil’s hand remained on Dan’s hip, though. His touch was warm, and steadying, his fingers still tracing comforting circles on Dan’s skin.The feeling was a solid physical anchor that Dan could focus on as he attempted to regain some semblance of coherency.

It wasn’t happening, though. Dan was too far gone.

Eventually, he started to make out the sounds of Phil speaking to him in a low tone, his words a constant mantra that soothed Dan. There was something caring and affectionate laced in Phil’s voice that made Dan feel safe, whether he could actually decipher what Phil was saying or not. It was nice. It was exactly what Dan needed as he tried to work himself down from his last incredible orgasm.

Eventually, however, Phil’s hands moved to wrap around Dan’s waist, and he carefully maneuvered Dan up onto his knees. Dan whined at the position, unable to hold himself up, but Phil didn’t give in. He manhandled Dan as gently as possible until he was kind of sat upright against Phil’s chest, and then he wrapped his arms around Dan’s waist.

“Up you go,” Phil murmured, just against the shell of Dan’s ear.

Against the protests of his joints, Dan found himself being lifted to his feet.

He groaned, and nearly collapsed backwards, only for Phil to catch him easily, and chuckle into his ear.

“Looks like I wore you out,” Phil teased. His voice sounded croaky, like he’d been screaming just as much as Dan had been, but Dan knew that wasn’t true. His brow furrowed as he tried to understand what had caused _that_ sound in Phil, but he was distracted pretty quickly by Phil sliding his arms up from Dan’s waist to the space under his armpits.

“Come on, Dan. Let’s go,” Phil murmured, still hoarse, carefully working to turn Dan around in his arms, and slotting Dan’s arms around his neck. Dan stumbled into the movements, but Phil never let him fall. His touch was far more sturdy than Dan was, though Dan couldn’t figure out _how_.

Carefully, Phil wrapped his arms around Dan, and held him as securely as possible. Once he was done moving Dan about like a rag doll, Dan let his head loll forwards onto Phil’s neck. His eyes closed as he inhaled the sweet scent of Phil’s shower gel, and he opened his mouth to press a kiss over the prominent jut of Phil’s adam’s apple.

Phil groaned, but it sounded more worn out than turned on.

Dan frowned, and tried to kiss at Phil’s throat more insistently.

“Dan,” Phil sighed, sounding as tired as Dan felt, “No more. Come on, you’re exhausted,” he insisted, dragging his neck away from Dan’s mouth. Dan whined at the loss of contact, and tried to open his eyes to pout up at Phil, but couldn’t quite manage it.

He tried harder, pushing his lips out despite being blind and unable to give Phil the puppy eyes he _wanted_ to give him, and was disappointed when Phil just laughed.

“You’re adorable. Let’s get you to bed, sleepyhead,” Phil whispered warmly.

Despite wanting nothing more than to argue against the decision, Dan couldn’t deny that he was exhausted. He felt _wonderful_ , and he wanted to kiss the fuck out of Phil until Phil understood just how much Dan loved him, but he was _exhausted_.

The combination of so little sleep, lack of food, and heavy physical exertion finally seemed to be catching up with him. Dan should have known this would happen when he’d decided to make the early trip out to Phil’s that morning, but he hadn’t realized they’d be having such rigorous sex…

And so much of it, too.

Dan needed a nap, and he needed it, like, _yesterday_.

Only, wasn’t there something he was meant to be doing right now? Hadn’t he promised Phil something?

Brow furrowing, Dan did his best to remember while Phil settled Dan down on the toilet seat, and moved away. Too busy with his thoughts, Dan didn’t bother to protest, though he _did_ wish Phil hadn’t let him go.

There was something Dan was meant to tell Phil, wasn’t there?

Phil wasn’t gone very long before he returned with a big, fluffy blue towel that he wrapped around Dan. Sighing as the soft cotton engulfed him, warming him up from the frigid water, Dan snuggled into the fabric and nearly fell off the toilet seat.

Before he could, Phil caught him with a low laugh, and dragged Dan back into his arms.

“Careful, now,” he whispered, maneuvering Dan until his arms were wrapped around Phil’s neck again, and the two of them were standing. Wait… Dan needed to say something, didn't he?

“Somethin’ ‘m mean’ ta tell ya,” Dan mumbled, trying, and failing, to recall what it was. “Needa tell ya… sumthin’,” he explained, frowning.

Phil, whose arms had been tight and secure around Dan moments before, seemed to grow tense where they held Dan in place. Dan’s frown deepened at the strange reaction.

Was whatever he needed to tell Phil important?

Desperate to remember, Dan tried to untangle his arms from around Phil’s neck, and fought against his heavy eyelids. While having Phil so close made Dan feel _whole_ in a way he didn’t often feel, it was also making it hard for him to think straight.

“Gotta - gotta talk ta ya… promised…” Dan mumbled, hands moving wildly as they came free from Phil. He wanted to fight against Phil’s hold on him, wanted to fight against the strange, horrid feeling starting to build in his gut that something was _wrong_ , but he couldn’t.

He couldn’t because as soon as Dan started to fight against Phil’s hold, Phil started moving again. His hands pulled free from Dan’s waist, and caught Dan’s wrists in a vice like grip. He tugged Dan forward until their chests bumped, and forced Dan’s arms to wrap back around his neck.

Phil’s arms moved back to Dan’s waist, and he held on so tight, Dan actually winced.

“Needa - needa… _Phil_ ,” Dan whined.

But Phil wasn’t listening.

“Stop it, Dan,” Phil whispered, clearly aiming for an authoritative voice and missing by a mile. More than anything, he just sounded _broken_. “Stop fighting me. Shhh, baby, shh,” he said, his lips right next to Dan’s ear again. His hands moved, and then his arms were wrapped tight around Dan’s waist, and now it felt like he was _clinging_ to Dan.

“It’s fine, everything’s fine, everything’s okay,” Phil insisted, desperate and bordering on a little hysterical. He shushed Dan again for good measure when Dan whimpered.

“But -” Dan tried to say, but Phil cut him off.

“No, Dan, shh. You don’t need to tell me anything right now. You’re fine, you’re _safe_. Please Dan, just… let me get you to bed,” Phil practically begged. Giving in, Dan sagged into his hold, defeated. “We can talk later, when you’re coherent. Please, Dan, I want to hear it when you’re… sober.”

Dan didn’t know what _that_ meant, but he didn’t have it in him to argue anymore. His heart felt a mix of heavy and elated. His body was screaming to _relax_ , even while his veins continued to thrum with the passion that had just been running through him.

But more than anything, Dan just wanted Phil to stop sounding so _worried_.

So Dan collapsed against Phil, deciding not to fight him.

Phil sighed, the sound one full of relief.

Now that Dan had relaxed, Phil was able to navigate them both out of the bathroom, across the hall, and into his bed. Dan didn’t know how, but he did, because the next thing Dan knew, he was laying on the soft duvet of Phil’s bed, and Phil was curling up behind him, immediately tucking his face straight into the crook of Dan’s neck.

Dan sighed in pleasure, and let sleep take him again.

**

By the time Dan woke up, he actually felt properly rested. His entire body ached from the after effects of so much sex combined with just how _rough_ he and Phil had been. His mind, on the other hand, felt clear for the first time since yesterday, and he actually felt calm.

He yawned loudly as his eyes fluttered open. The first thing he noticed was Phil’s alarm clock, bright red numbers: 1:30PM. Surprised by how good he felt for what had to have been a short nap, Dan turned over, only to find that Phil was curled up in bed next to him, just as dead to the world as Dan had been moments ago.

The sight made Dan smile. Phil looked so cute when he was asleep. He wasn’t wearing his glasses anymore, and if Dan remembered correctly, had most likely fallen asleep in his contacts. He clearly hadn’t gotten a chance to shave that morning, because stubble still littered his chin. But he looked soft, and content, and untroubled.

It was nice, getting to see Phil like this, and Dan found himself tempted to reach out and touch Phil.

Shifting to do just that, Dan went to stretch out his arm, only to realize that he was physically restrained. Terrified for all of a second, Dan glanced down, only to realize he’d somehow gotten so tightly wrapped up the towel Phil had given him that he couldn’t move his arms.

Blinking in shock, Dan continued to stare down at himself for a few seconds, and then once again tried to move his hands.

He couldn’t.

Of course he couldn’t. He was fucking wrapped up in a towel, what had he been thinking? Giggling a little to himself, Dan rolled over, out of Phil’s embrace, and did his best to untangled himself from the towel.

It was a bit of a struggle, leaving Dan to wonder how the _fuck_ he’d gotten so wrapped up in the first place, but eventually he managed it.

Throwing the towel off of himself entirely, Dan rolled back over, only this time he wasn’t so close to Phil that Phil could tuck his face into Dan’s neck, and Dan could properly see Phil’s face. Dan smiled at the way Phil slept with his lips slightly parted, and his wet hair plastered against his face.

Getting to see Phil like this, waking up to him in bed next to Dan, was something that Dan would never tire of. He wanted to spend the rest of his life just like this, in this warm, intimate moment they created any time they were together.

Dan knew that it wouldn’t always be just like this, and that sometimes they’d fight, or that eventually things wouldn’t feel so bright and new anymore, but it didn’t matter. Because regardless, Phil had this way about him that always made Dan’s heart flip.

Sighing, Dan let his eyes drift shut again for a brief moment, just soaking in the moment, before he opened them again and shuffled in closer to Phil. Their chests touched, and Phil stirred a little, but he didn’t wake.

Dan grinned, proud that being in bed with Phil was comfortable enough that Phil didn’t startle awake from the mere touch of Dan against him. Confidence rising from the lack of reaction, Dan leaned in even closer, and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to Phil’s lips.

Phil’s lips twitched in a mimic of a smile, but he still didn’t seem to wake. Instead, he sighed against Dan’s lips, and shifted on the bed, drawing his body even closer to Dan’s.

They were pressed all along their bodies, now. Dan could feel Phil’s cock nestling softly against his own, just this side of erect - the way it could get sometimes early in the morning. Liking the feel of that, and the fact that Dan kissing Phil could make him smile - _even in his sleep_ \- Dan kissed him again.

This time, he pressed his lips a bit more firmly against Phil’s, and moved them slowly. His hands came up to cup Phil’s cheeks, holding him in place as Dan coaxed Phil into wakefulness.

He didn’t want to startle Phil - he just wanted to wake him up with something _sweet_. Something they rarely got to experience.

Slowly, Phil begin to stir. As Dan kissed him, gently taking Phil’s bottom lip between his lips, and sucking lightly, Phil started to kiss back. His hands found Dan’s hips naturally, and while the movements of his mouth against Dan’s were a little sloppy, a little awkward, Dan didn’t mind.

It was clear that Phil was waking up, and Dan wanted nothing more than to snog him until his brain came fully online.

Sighing against Phil’s lips, Dan deepend it a bit. He let his teeth dig into Phil’s bottom lip, tugged on it lightly, and sucked over the sharp pain he was sure he’d left behind, reveling in the way Phil groaned softly at the feel. His hands shifted from Dan’s hips, and up to ribs, both palms stopping for a moment to rest just over Dan’s nipples.

Dan shivered at the touch, pushing his tongue past Phil’s lips, as Phil started moving again, his hands continuing their unhurried exploration of Dan’s body.

Slowly but surely, Phil’s hands found Dan’s clavicles, skimming over the sensitive skin, before they moved up to Dan’s neck. He played with the small hairs at the back of Dan’s head, and pulled gently on a stray curl.

Dan let out a whine against Phil’s mouth.

A deep, sleep-filled chuckle was Dan’s answer, as Phil met Dan’s tongue with his own.

Finally, Phil seemed to be mostly awake.

Unable to help himself, Dan rolled them both over until he was on top of Phil, and shuffled around to get his hands on either side of Phil’s head, holding himself up. He pressed his tongue deeper inside of Phil’s mouth, and kissed the breath out of him until Phil was the one groaning against Dan. Phil’s hands continued a burning trail up and down Dan’s back, stopping every once in a while to bury themselves in Dan’s hair, before moving back down again.

Phil played with every bit of skin he could find, clearly intent on worshiping Dan’s body the way he always did. A few times, he pressed right into the forming bruises he’d left on Dan’s neck, his torso, his bum, and seemed to revel in the resulting sounds dragged out of Dan.

So Dan decided that maybe, just maybe, it was his turn to take Phil apart.

How many times had Dan allowed Phil to touch literally every last part of him? Pretty much every time they’d had sex. But how many times had Dan done the same to Phil? Practically none.

Sex had always seemed to be focused on Dan, and while Dan appreciated that - especially since he’d never had an orgasm before, and Phil had been the one to figure out how to give Dan one - he _did_ feel pretty shitty that he hadn’t given back to Phil yet.

Besides, after what Phil had given him in the last few hours, Dan figured Phil _definitely_ deserved something in return.

Phil deserved _the world_ , but Dan would have to start with this.

So he dragged his mouth away from Phil’s, savoring the disgruntled sigh that wrenched from Phil, and trailed his mouth down Phil’s body. Dan started at Phil’s neck, sucking along the prominent jut of his adam’s apple hard enough to leave marks behind and finally return the favor, and trailing his lips down over his collarbones. His tongue dipped into the little crevice Phil created when he inhaled deeply at the sensation, and Dan grinned when that only made Phil shudder even more.

It felt good, being able to work Phil up like this. It felt good, getting to taste him, to take care of him, to show him just how much Dan loved him. Actions spoke louder than words, and up until now, Dan sometimes felt like all he had were words.

It was time he gave something back to Phil.

As Dan’s mouth dragged hazy shapes down Phil’s body, his lips caught onto Phil’s nipples. Without a second thought, Dan flicked his tongue out to trail around the firm nub, before taking it directly into his mouth. He sucked until Phil was arching into his touch, his voice wrecked as he let out a stream of unintelligible words.

Phil was practically _moaning_ , a sound Dan so rarely got to hear. Phil was normally quiet during sex, or at least quieter than _Dan_ , but now… now Phil seemed completely uninhibited.

Like he might actually be out of control.

That’s when it hit Dan. Phil wasn’t really _awake_ yet. At least, not fully. Not enough to remember to keep quiet the way he usually was, and somehow, the thought made the whole situation even better.

Because it meant that when Dan eventually took Phil’s cock in his mouth, the way he _very much so_ intended to do, Phil wouldn’t see it coming, and it would only feel ten million times better.

Dan couldn’t wait.

Biting down gently on the nub in his mouth, Dan released Phil’s nipple and turned his attention to the other one. Giving it much the same treatment as he had the first, Dan gave it one last lick before moving on.

Phil’s hands suddenly found Dan’s hair, and they dug in sharply to the wet curls.

Dan didn’t mind.

“Ah, Dan,” Phil gasped out, as Dan’s mouth moved even lower still. Knowing his ribs were his weak spot, Dan took his time paying particular attention there, sucking bruises and hickeys into the soft flesh, and licking over the jut of bone when Phil inhaled so deeply, his ribs actually _showed_. The taste of him was intoxicating, and suddenly, Dan wanted nothing more than to get to the main event.

So he moved on, pressing a final kiss to Phil’s ribcage.

But he didn’t move _too_ fast.

He found himself stopping at Phil’s belly button first, dipping his tongue into the crevice for no other reason than because he could, and because Phil tasted good. As he did so, Dan felt Phil’s cock start to rise in earnest, pressing against the jut of Dan’s chin, the warmth of precum staining Dan’s skin. Dan let out a gasp at the feeling, and darted his tongue in and out of Phil’s belly button quickly, a teasing reminder of the way Phil so often fucked Dan with his dick.

Phil _whimpered_ , and arched his body up into Dan’s.

“Dan,” he gasped, sounded delirious, fingers tugging not so gently on Dan’s hair. “Fuck, _fuck_ ,” he muttered.

Dan drew away from Phil’s belly button, delighted that he could make Phil sound like _this_. He almost looked up at Phil with a knowing smirk, but he wasn’t quite done kissing him all over yet, so instead, Dan bit into a spot just under Phil’s belly button, and sucked a bruise there, too.

Satisfied with what he’d done to Phil’s belly, Dan let his lips trail lower still. Ignoring Phil’s cock, which kept bobbing against his chin insistently, Dan licked down Phil’s happy trail instead, enjoying the way it marked a path straight to Phil’s cock.

Just above Phil’s pelvic bone, Dan bit down, and marveled at the way Phil absolutely _jerked_ at the feeling. His hands _yanked_ at Dan’s hair, nearly pulling him away, before they relaxed and fell from Dan’s hair entirely.

Instead, they found Dan’s shoulders, and Phil dug his nails in deep against the skin, surely forming crescent shaped divets in Dan’s skin.. Dan would have hissed at the pain if he weren’t so into it. Instead, he filed away _that_ reaction for a later date, and went right back to what he’d been doing.

Not yet ready to give Phil’s cock attention, Dan continued to trail his mouth over every bit of skin that he could reach - licking, biting, _sucking_ , at every last inch of Phil’s lower body. He started at Phil’s thighs, biting at the inner bit of skin where Phil was apparently so sensitive he _trembled_ with need. Then Dan moved up to the crease of Phil’s leg, skimming his nose along the little bit of skin, and licking when that seemed to get an even better reaction out of Phil.

Phil was not only shaking, but crooning too, his hips jerking irregularly, and his hands flying back to Dan’s hair. He tugged at Dan’s curls when Dan continued to lick at the little dip in skin, until Dan finally pulled away.

Then Dan allowed his mouth to trail lower, flicking teasing little licks at Phil’s ball sack that wouldn’t be _nearly_ enough for proper stimulation, but enough to make Phil’s blood boil with want. It seemed to do the job, because Phil gasped and pulled extra hard on Dan’s hair, mumbling something else incomprehensible as his body wiggled on the bed.

Dan ignored every sign that Phil wanted Dan to get his mouth on his dick, and kept going.

His lips found the underside of Phil’s knees, and then his calves, before turning his head to give Phil’s other leg the same treatment. When he’d kissed as much of Phil’s legs as he could, Dan languidly made his way back up Phil’s lower body. He sucked bruises into Phil’s hips, licked stripes into his skin, and made it blindly obvious that Dan loved _every. Single. Inch. of. Phil._

But Dan wasn’t done yet. He wanted to take his time with Phil. Dan wanted to show Phil that he was just as much Dan’s, as Dan was Phil’s.

Then Dan trailed his hand down Phil’s ribs, over his thighs, and tucked it up under his legs to find Phil’s balls, relieving just a bit of Phil’s tension with his touch. The moment he cupped the soft sack in his palm, Phil let out a quiet moan, and Dan realized he had a _much_ better plan than just giving Phil a blowjob.

Oh, yes. Dan could do _so_ much better than that.

Phil had _just_ explained multiple orgasms to Dan.

Apparently, the prostate could be found on the _outside_ of the body just like it could be found on the _inside_ … and if Dan massaged _that_ , he might be able to coax two or three ograsms out of _Phil_ , too.

Just like Phil had given Dan.

Grinning to himself, Dan sucked a little harder at Phil’s thigh, where he’d let his mouth rest when he’d gone on a quest to pleasure Phil with his hand. Allowing his fingers to play with Phil’s balls for a few moments, Dan eventually dragged his hands and his mouth away so that he could search for that pleasurable spot between Phil’s legs that Phil had found on _him_.

Fingers massaging against the skin between Phil’s balls and his rim, Dan did his best to feel for that little ball of nerves Phil was so adept at finding. Phil was far more practiced with sex than Dan was, particularly when it came to sex with a _man_ , but Dan was determined to make Phil feel as loved and indulged as Dan had felt that morning.

He was determined to give Phil a prostate massage, and _then_ , after Phil had come, Dan would give him a blowjob as well.

Worried that Phil would start to grow annoyed with Dan’s fumbling, Dan moved back in to kiss Phil again. This time, his mouth found the underside of Phil’s belly, and he sucked along the small bit of pudge there, loving the way it made Phil whine.

Phil’s hands, which had continued to card through Dan’s hair, tugging from time to time, and scratching at his scalp, seemed to slow in their movements. Frowning, Dan did his best to encourage Phil to give him _more_ , to let out everything he was feeling into his touches on Dan, but he didn’t know how to do that without pulling away from Phil’s skin, so he just kissed Phil harder, and bit down on places that seemed extra sensitive.

Despite Dan doing his best to distract him, Phil didn’t seem inclined to ignore what was happening.

“Dan,” Phil whispered, voice hoarse, but seeming more coherent now than it had been before. “Mm, what are you doing...” he mumbled. Dan glanced up to find that Phil was staring down at Dan with squinted eyes, his expression mostly relaxed, but his brow furrowed in a little frown of confusion.

His eyes, though… his eyes were dark pools of desire.

Dan grinned at the sight, and felt his confidence come surging back.

“Thanking you,” he replied cheekily, his fingers pushing up against Phil in the hopes that he’d get some kind of reaction soon, something that would tell Dan he’d found Phil’s prostate. Phil’s hips jerked a bit, but other than a soft sigh, Phil didn’t react.

For all Dan knew, the motion was in reaction to Dan’s _words_ , and their implications, rather than his touch.

Trying not to let that get him down, Dan shifted his body so that he could crawl up Phil’s body, and get in closer to his face. Hand crammed between Phil’s legs, Dan didn’t have much room to move, but he did manage to stretch up and press a kiss to the bottom of Phil’s chin. His lips trailed down Phil’s neck again for good measure, and he grinned to himself when that made Phil’s breathing stutter.

“Tha-thanking me for wh-wh-what?” Phil asked, stuttering as a quiet groan surged from his throat. Dan could feel his hands shaking where they pressed into Dan’s hair, and he felt his cock pulse in delicious reaction to the knowledge that he was working Phil up.

Nibbling knowingly at Phil’s throat, Dan grinned, and kept doing his best to work his fingers into the same motion that Phil had used on Dan.

“Thanking you for this morning,” Dan eventually replied, drawing away from Phil to watch his face. “And for that shower.”

Phil’s eyes were jammed closed again, and his face was scrunched up in a frown, but this time it seemed to be because of something _else_. His hips were starting to rotate down against Dan’s hand, seemingly searching for _something_. It took a moment for Dan to realize that Phil was searching for _pleasure_ \- Dan had evidently found his prostate.

Clearly, no one had ever done this for Phil before, because his current expresion, his current movements, reminded Dan so much of himself the first time Phil had fingered Dan.

Determined to make this the best experience of Phil’s life, Dan pushed harder against the spot he was touching, moving his fingers into deeper circles, and was rewarded with a high whine from Phil. His hips jerked down against Dan, and his thighs seemed to clench as he tightened around Dan’s arm. Phil’s eyes flew open to find Dan’s, expression wracked with pleasure, as he started to rock down against Dan’s touch.

“Do you like that, Phil?” Dan asked, as Phil’s fingers _wrenched_ at Dan’s hair, and his mouth fell open, panting. He looked absolutely _wrecked_ , and Dan had only just gotten started.

“Mmmm,” Phil replied, the sound close enough to a _yes_ that Dan grinned, feeling a bit smug. Phil’s eyes fell shut again as his fingers tangled further in Dan’s hair, and he just _held on_. He didn’t even try to tug anymore. He just gripped tight to Dan, as Dan went back to peppering Phil’s chest in wet kisses.

“Good,” Dan muttered against Phil’s chest, enjoying the way Phil shuddered everytime Dan pressed in particularly roughly with his fingers, and the way he groaned when Dan added the pressure of his mouth.

Proud that he was finally making _Phil_ feel good, Dan readjusted himself over Phil’s body, and sunk down lower so his wrist wasn’t in such a strange position pressing between Phil’s legs.

Unfortunately, as confident as Dan was feeling in making Phil feel good, he wasn’t exactly sure how to do what Phil had done for him earlier that day. He didn’t know how to get Phil to orgasm, didn’t know how to keep him from coming properly, or how to keep him primed for a second round.

But he wanted to.

So Dan pressed a few more kisses against Phil’s ribs, and pulled away.

“Tell me what to do, Phil. Tell me what you want,” he begged, sounding almost as wrecked as Phil.

The words seemed to elicit a primal response from Phil, whose hips suddenly rolled down harder against Dan’s fingers. He whimpered, peeking his eyes open to stare down at Dan, mouth hanging open in pleasure.

It was such a rare sight that Dan wanted nothing more than to hold onto it.

“Want your mouth,” Phil begged, breathless.

The words were like a punch to Dan’s gut - in a good way. He’d never gotten to hear Phil sound like _that_ , never gotten to hear Phil _ask_ Dan for something, to have Phil _beg_ him. It was unbelievably arousing, but at the same time… Dan knew he had to say no.

Because he didn’t want to do that. Not yet, anyway.

So he shook his head.

“Later,” he replied, “I wanna give you a prostate massage first. I want to make you come like you made me. Tell me what to do,” he insisted, trying to sound as determined as he felt.

Phil groaned, throwing his head back on the bed and jamming his eyes shut again at the words. He dragged his hands free from Dan’s curls, and shoved his palms against his eyelids, shaking his head roughly against his pillow.

Before Dan could worry Phil was telling him _no_ , however, Phil said, “God, you’re going to kill me.”

He dragged his hands down his face, and reached for Dan again, this time grasping the wrist that was between his legs, and pushing it in deeper where it was already trying to massage at Phil.

“Harder. Please,” he whimpered, and let go of Dan’s hand.

Nodding, Dan did as he was told. He worked his fingers harder against Phil’s prostate, starting to realize that he could just barely feel the jut of the gland, could feel it moving under his fingers, could feel that it was small, round, and _hard_. It was an interesting feeling, an interesting realization that Dan could actually tell it was there and that he’d very much so awakened it enough for Phil to feel it, and he found himself whimpering softly in his own excitement.

In that moment, Dan finally realized that his own cock was properly hard and dribbling pre-come, desperate for some kind of stimulation of its own.

Ignoring the feeling as best as he could, and determined to focus on Phil, Dan dropped his mouth back to arch of Phil’s hip. His fingers fumbled at Phil’s prostate as Dan did his best to learn how to touch him. Determined to make Phil feel amazing, Dan pressed his mouth all over Phil’s skin, continuing to mark him up, making Phil’s skin match his own.

Phil’s soft sighs and little whines started to pick up in frequency, growing more and more high pitched as Phil’s hips rocked down more and more forcefully to meet Dan’s hand. He didn’t seem close yet, though. In fact, he didn’t seem close _at all_ , and Dan worried that he was doing something wrong.

He glanced up to Phil’s face to find it contorted in pleasure, and did his best to stay calm.

“What else?” Dan demanded, _begged_ , desperate for some kind of direction to make this good for Phil.

Phil’s eyes fluttered open, darting down to stare at him. He licked his lips, eyes glazed over, every motion driven by pleasure.

“My balls,” Phil murmured, “Touch my balls.”.

Dan could do that.

He straightened up a bit, and used his unoccupied hand to cup Phil’s balls, stroking over them and feeling the heavy weight of them pressing against him. They were full with Phil’s arousal and his come, and the thought made Dan groan. His cock twitched, but once again, he ignored it, focused entirely on Phil.

He’d come enough times today. How his body could even imagine working itself up to another orgasm, Dan couldn’t fathom.

But more than that, Dan didn’t currently care about his own sexual pleasure. He just cared about _Phil’s_.

Leaning back over Phil, Dan took Phil’s balls into his mouth. He wasn’t willing to give Phil direct stimulation to his cock just yet, but his balls weren’t off limits. They tasted good, too, felt nice in Dan’s mouth as he licked and sucked gently at them, being as careful as he could in the fear that he might hurt Phil. Phil groaned in reaction to the unexpected touch, and arched his body up into Dan’s mouth.

Dan followed the movement with his hand, forcing himself to remain in contact with Phil’s prostate, and keep the stimulation going.

“Dan, fuck, _Dan_ ,” Phil mumbled, tossing his head a bit. His cock was beginning to drip precum now. “Keep doing that. That, exactly that, _fuck_.”

Encouraged at Phil’s words, Dan started to play with Phil’s balls with his mouth, sucking them into his mouth, and working Phil’s prostate harder and a little bit faster. He wasn’t sure if _faster_ was a thing that worked in this situation, but Phil seemed to like it, rolling his hips down onto Dan’s hand and actually moaning - _loudly moaning_ \- at the sensations.

Dan was partially convinced that Phil was only being so unrestrained because he’d just woken up, because Dan had never heard Phil moan _this much_ before in his life. It was glorious, and it encouraged Dan to keep going, to lick and suck at Phil, to play with his balls in his hands and to massage at his prostate like Phil was an instrument Dan was playing.

If the sounds Phil were making were any indication, Dan was doing a great job.

“More. Dan, please, _more_ ,” Phil begged, his head thrown back on the pillow. He seemed on the edge of something, but he couldn’t quite manage to push past it, and as Dan stared up at him he realized he was going to have to figure out another game plan. He didn’t want Phil to come, didn’t want him to finish before Dan had worked him up a second time, but maybe putting his lips on Phil’s cock didn’t have to mean _ejacualtion_. Maybe Dan could still make Phil come dry, leaving his body ready for that second orgasm, if he tried something a little different.

So Dan did. He released Phil’s balls, and he nuzzled his nose against the base of Phil’s cock while both of his hands continued their ministrations. Phil tensed at the feeling, his hands, which had been grasping at the bedsheets, flying back up to Dan’s hair. He tugged at the bottom strands of his hair, urging Dan forward, and Dan went.

He didn’t wrap his lips around the head of Phil’s cock. He didn’t lick at his slit, didn’t take him down. Instead, he moved forward and wrapped his lips around the bottom of Phil’s dick, and licked and sucked at him sideways. Phil’s cock jerked at the feeling, and quite suddenly, Phil was unraveling. His body tensed, and then shuddered, his hips canting down hard on Dan’s hand. He let out a guttural moan that bordered on too loud for Phil, and as Dan glanced up at his face, he saw Phil’s expression go slack.

He didn’t come, though. While it seemed clear he’d definitely reached an orgasm, he hadn’t _come_ , and Dan felt giddy with the realization.

Phil’s hands went limp, letting go of Dan’s hair and falling to the bed. Not wanting to let the momentum fall, and suddenly excited to make Phil come for real, Dan drew back from the base of Phil’s cock, and sucked the head into his mouth.

Instantly, Phil cried out. His hips jerked into Dan’s mouth, forcing him to take more than he’d planned. Phil’s lips were pursed into a perfect “o” as he shifted, Dan’s fingers still dancing against his prostate. Dan could feel them cramping up, but he wasn’t giving up that easily. He had another orgasm to wring out of Phil, and he was going to do everything he could think of to make it the best damn orgasm of Phil’s life.

Releasing Phil’s balls, Dan shoved a hand onto his hip in an attempt to keep him still, and drew his mouth back up to the head of Phil’s cock. He wrapped his lips tight and sucked as vigorously as he could manage at the tip, his tongue flicking at Phil’s slit and working him up the way Dan had learned. Phil thrashed under Dan, cleary oversensitive and yet enjoying every second of it.

Slowly but steadily, Dan took more and more of Phil’s cock into his mouth, keeping the pace of his sucking just as fast as before, but teasing Phil with the slow in take of more and more of him. Phil was panting under Dan, his nails digging hard into the covers of his bed, and his hips canting as best as they could under the pressure of Dan’s grip. Dan’s hand on Phil’s hip kept him mostly in place, however, preventing Phil from taking more than Dan was ready to give him just yet.

“God, Dan, please, yes, _Dan,”_ Phil whimpered, his voice beyond hoarse, seeming out of his mind with pleasure. It was a sight that Dan would never tire of seeing.

Dan licked over Phil’s cock and took in his heady scent. Phil tasted and smelled _so good._

Dan’s own dick hung thick and hard between his thighs. He was tempted to shift downwards so he could rub off on the covers of the bed, but he knew it wouldn’t work - it might even _ruin_ Dan’s chances at pleasure later. Direct stimulation to his cock never brought Dan to orgasm, no matter how badly he wanted it too.

But he couldn’t think past giving Phil pleasure to come up with another way to take the edge off his own raging hard on.

The sound of Phil’s pleasure, the taste of his cock, was getting to Dan though. He couldn’t seem to help it. He wanted to chase his own release so, so badly.

But more than that, Dan wanted _Phil_ to come.

Hyper focused on his task, Dan dropped his mouth further and further down Phil’s cock, beginning to bob his head to go along with the sucking motions. The blowjob started to get wet, saliva dripping from the corners of Dan’s mouth as he worked over Phil, sucking and slurping at him while he bobbed his head. Dan did his best to keep his tongue involved, knowing how much Phil loved the feeling of Dan licking at him, but it was difficult to focus on all of it when he was doing so much.

Dan’s jaw begun to hurt, but he didn’t give up. He was no longer moving his wrist as much on Phil’s prostate, but he was putting a constant pressure on the hard bundle of nerves he could feel, and the hand on Phil’s hip was starting to dig into the skin lightly with the force Dan was using to keep Phil still.

“Shit, shit, shit, _fuck_ ,” Phil whined. “Dan, please, please, _please_ ,” he begged.

Dan knew what he wanted.

Releasing Phil’s hip, Dan let his mouth drop all the way down Phil’s cock, and allowed Phil to fuck his face. He gagged the moment Phil’s cock hit the back of his throat, his mouth having fallen to the base, but he didn’t pull back. Phil’s hands found his head, gripping either side of it, and started to properly fuck into his mouth.

Dan’s lips kept hitting Phil’s base.

His head was spinning, he was breathing through his nose as best as he could, and Dan slowly lost his grip over himself entirely.

Releasing Phil’s prostate, Dan reached between his own legs, and pressed a dry finger to his rim. He knew it wasn’t going to be enough, he knew he needed lube if he wanted more than one finger, and he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to come _with_ Phil, but Dan didn’t care.

He just needed _something_.

As Phil fucked Dan’s mouth, and Dan did his best to remember to breathe, he pressed a finger all the way inside of himself, and moaned around Phil’s cock.

The vibration seemed to be enough to set Phil off. Dan hadn’t so much as started to pump his dry finger in and out of himself before Phil was coming. His hips jerked hard into Dan’s mouth a few more times, before he slammed in as far as he could, coming hard. Hot come filled Dan’s mouth, nearly choking him. Dan had to drag his head back and pull off of Phil’s cock in order to cough, some of the come dripping onto Phil’s thigh, but Phil was too weak and too sated to complain. His hands fell from Dan’s head, releasing him and taking his cock in hand instead to stroke himself through orgasm.

Without waiting a second, Dan pulled his finger free of himself, and scrambled off of Phil’s bed to find the bottle of lube in his dresser. The moment the bottle was in Dan’s hands, he popped the cap and scrambled back to the bed, smearing the liquid all over his fingers.

Phil’s eyes were closed, his fist tight around the tip of his cock, the head red and dripping with come, when Dan settled down next to him.

He didn’t bother to sit or lay down. Instead, he got on his hands and knees perpendicular to Phil’s body, bum in the air, and cock settled next to where Phil’s hand was fisting his own cock. Hoping Phil was _watching_ , Dan reached behind himself to jam a finger back inside of him.

The sounds he was making were a million times louder than the ones Phil had made. There was no way Phil couldn’t tell that Dan was getting himself off, but Phil was so consumed by his own second orgasm (his _fourth_ of the day), that he didn’t seem able to help - or even pay attention to - Dan.

Dan didn’t mind.

He worked a second finger into himself, focusing on the feeling of pleasure coursing through him, on the memory of what it had looked like to have Phil laid out like that for him, and the feeling of Phil’s mouth on him in the shower.

He knew his orgasm was far off, it always was, but that didn’t stop him. He worked himself over, feeling himself start to drip with sweat, mind hazy with need. Phil’s breathing was evening out below him, but Dan’s eyes were squeezed shut so he couldn’t check to see if Phil was asleep or not. He couldn’t bring himself to open them either, gasping from the penetration of his own body, hoping, _praying_ , he could make himself come on his fingers alone, and then -

And then Phil’s hand met his, and his middle finger slid in alongside Dan’s, pushing all three of them deeper inside of him.

Dan let out a guttural moan, surprised at the feeling and just how _hot_ that was. His body clenched up around Phil, but it didn’t matter. He was far too gone now for that to hurt. Instead, he started to fuck himself even more in earnest, Phil following his example, and doing his best to keep up with Dan’s strokes.

Somehow, the fact that they weren’t in tandem made it all the better. With each pull out of his own fingers, Phil’s finger was just a little bit behind, and with each push back in, Phil’s finger seemed to be dragged along.

It was amazing. It was hot as hell. And Dan never wanted it to end.

Then Phil pulled his finger free, and Dan sobbed out a, “Please, no, no, no, _Phil_ ,” to which Phil responded with a quiet “Shh, baby, be patient with me.”

Too wired up to listen, Dan just kept chanting “please,” waiting for the return of Phil’s finger alongside his.

What he got was better.

Phil managed to drag his body out from under Dan’s, and crouched behind him. Dan couldn’t imagine how he was managing to stay on the bed, considering they were now laying across the _short way_ , but he couldn’t bring himself to give a shit when Phil’s thighs bracketed his own, and he pressed down on the middle of Dan’s back in order to force his chest to the bed.

Then, Phil pressed not one, but _two_ fingers into Dan, giving Dan more than he’d ever had before, and started pressing kisses all along Dan’s back.

Their fingers worked in tandem as best as they could, considering how full Dan felt, how tight his body felt, and how vigorously he was working his hips. Dan rocked back and forth into the touch while Phil’s mouth bit and sucked at Dan’s skin, his teeth sinking in just the way Dan liked it.

Everything started to build.

Dan could feel himself coiling up, could feel his body tensing with the desire to come. He wanted nothing more than to reach that brink, still able to see the look on Phil’s face when he came on the backs of his eyelids. It was so good, so _so_ fucking good, that Dan jerked his hips backwards, spread his thighs, and sent Phil falling forward onto Dan’s back, crushing Dan further into the bed.

Dan’s hand jerked hard inside of himself, as his cock strained against the sheets. Phil’s hand never stopped moving, keeping both of their fingers moving. Now, he was leading, dragging Dan’s fingers along behind him, forcing them to keep up their movements, as Dan shuddered and whined. He arched his back into Phil’s touch, straining to come, surprised that his body had even managed to get worked up this much.

Phil’s lips found the shell of Dan’s ear a moment later.

“Fuck, Dan, you look so hot like this,” he whispered. “Waking me up with a blowjob, making me come _twice_ after I _just_ taught you how to do it,” he continued, voice like gravel. “Fingers shoved up your arse ‘cause you just couldn’t help yourself. You feel fucking amazing, Dan, sucking me all up.”

Dan groaned, rutting his hips backwards, begging for more. Phil gave it to him, He shoved his fingers in harder, twisted them up, searching for Dan’s prostate while Dan’s hand stilled, stretching himself open with two fingers but otherwise failing to do a thing.

It didn’t seem to matter.

Because the moment Phil found his prostate, Dan came. He felt the pit in the bottom of his stomach unravel rather suddenly, faster than Dan was used to, and his orgasm punched through his body. Dan moaned, the sound a long drawn out wail, and he felt himself go boneless. His fingers slipped free of his body as Phil worked him through it, pressing on Dan’s prostate over and over again, until Dan jerked away because it was just _too much_.

The slow pop of Phil pulling his fingers free caused Dan to let out another moan, as another wave of pleasure crashed over him. He was swimming in his fifth orgasm of the day, and when he collapsed on top of the bed, he felt more than just a little bit good. He felt _euphoric_.

The weight of Phil’s body pressing down on Dan’s disappeared, and then the bed rocked as Phil plopped down next to him. Great, now they were _both_ lying the wrong way on the bed. Dan could feel his legs dangling off the edge, now that he was no longer bothering to stay on his knees, and he could imagine that Phil’s were too.

After a moment, Phil moved again, shifting the bed, and wrapped a gentle arm around Dan’s waist. His lips found Dan’s neck, where he pressed a soft kiss.

Dan sighed at the contact, snuggling backwards against Phil’s body, and allowing himself to come down from the lasting pleasure of his orgasm gradually.

“You’re amazing, Dan,” Phil murmured, once he seemed to get his breathing under control.

Dan laughed.

“No, that’s you.”

“Shut up,” Phil groaned, nipping gently at Dan’s shoulder with a laugh of his own. Dan giggled, enjoying the pun.

“No, but seriously,” Phil said. “You really are amazing, Dan. I can’t believe you did that,” he explained. “When did you get so confident?”

“When I started dating you,” Dan replied immediately, feeling something warm curl up in the pit of his stomach.

It was true.

In a lot of ways, Dan had become a different person since _meeting_ Phil, but ever since they’d gotten together, Dan had started pushing his own boundaries more and more. While he still suffered from a lot of negative thinking, and social anxiety, he was far more willing to fight for himself than he once was.

That morning with his parents was proof enough of it.

Dan frowned as the memory swarmed over him, but shook it away. He and Phil could talk about that later, just like Dan had promised. But for now, Dan just wanted to revel in Phil’s attention.

Rolling over so that he was facing Phil, Dan stared up into his boyfriend's eyes, and offered him a smile.

“So it was good, right?”

Phil rolled his eyes good naturedly and pressed a kiss to the tip of Dan’s nose. He moved the hand that had been wrapped around Dan’s waist to Dan’s hair, carding his fingers through the soft curls.

“Yes, you spoon. It was amazing.”

“Better than anything you’ve ever had?” Dan asked, feeling cheeky.

Phil’s lips curled up into a smirk.

“Maybe. Wouldn’t you like to know,” he teased, waggling his eyebrows at Dan.

“Phil!” Dan complained, shoving at Phil’s chest a bit. “Shut up, it was, wasn’t it?” he challenged, a combination of bashful and proud. “I bet no one else has ever deepthroated you like that! I bet no one else has _ever_ given you multiple orgasms! And I’m almost _certain_ no one has ever touched your prostate before!”

Laughing, Phil released Dan’s hair, and reached between their bodies to grab Dan’s hands in his. He laced their fingers together quickly, easily, and drew Dan’s knuckles up to his lips.

“Daniel Howell,” Phil confessed. “Not only was today the best I’ve ever had, but _you_ are the best I’ve ever had. Because you are the only person who has ever mattered.”

Dan’s heart seemed to expand in his chest as he stared into Phil’s eyes, and took in his sweet words. The look on his face was nothing less than absolute adoration, echoing his words back to Dan’s soul. It wasn’t as if Dan hadn’t already known that, but hearing it said aloud still made him feel warm all over.

Grinning from ear to ear, Dan leaned in, and pressed his lips to Phil’s. He crushed their arms between their bodies, uncaring for the awkward position, and kissed the hell out of Phil, because Phil deserved it. He wanted Phil to know just how much Dan loved him, wanted Phil to know just how much what he’d said meant to him, and wanted Phil to know that Dan was never letting him go.

Fingers clenched around Phil’s, bodies still naked, Dan pressed in close to Phil and held on tight. Because this is what he’d come to Phil for. This was why he’d ran away from home. This was what love felt like.

**

It took them a long time to leave Phil’s bedroom. Making out curled up in Phil’s covers was just too hard to resist, and while they couldn’t quite manage another round between the two of them just then, that didn’t keep them from kissing until their lips went numb.

They hardly spoke, but Dan didn’t mind. The touches, and kisses, the sweet affection were all that he needed. Actions spoke louder than words, after all, and Phil’s actions spoke volumes. They always had, from the very beginning.

Dan was glad for that.

After cleaning up, Dan pulled on Phil’s pajama bottoms and one of his t-shirts in order to feel close to him. When they were both presentable, they headed downstairs and ordered a pizza.

It was four in the afternoon, and while Phil had said his parents would be home around six, when his mum would likely cook dinner, Dan hadn’t eaten since lunch the previous day, and Phil hadn’t had a chance to eat thanks to Dan’s early work up call. On top of all that, they’d worked up quite the appetite with all of the vigorous exercise they’d been doing, and were both starving enough to eat a whole pizza.

They did.

Phil ordered two mediums, one a meat lovers and the other a veggie, and while they shared the meal, they managed to devour both boxes in under an hour. It was truly a remarkable feat, one that Phil wouldn’t stop teasing Dan for for the rest of the afternoon.

“I _told_ you I haven’t eaten in ages!” Dan complained, shoving playfully at Phil’s shoulder. “And besides, _you’re_ the one who decided to get me off again in the shower! _Three_ times, might I add!”

“And you’re the one who decided our mid-morning nap should end in a prostate massage and a blowjob,” Phil shot back confidently.

Dan stared at him for a moment before turning away.

“Touché,” he muttered, chagrined.

“That’s what I thought,” Phil teased, nudging Dan with his shoulder, and moving to wrap his arm around Dan’s waist.

They were sat next to each other on the lounge floor, sofa to their back, and TV playing some mindless sitcom neither of them had paid attention to since they’d flicked it on. Dan didn’t mind though, because sitting and talking with Phil was enough for him.

“Speaking of which,” Phil suddenly said, jostling Dan a little. “Why didn’t you have dinner last night? I didn’t get the chance to ask earlier, considering… we were involved with other activities, but _really_ , Dan? You know how important is it not skip meals!” he berated Dan, frowning a bit. “I really hate it when you don’t take care of yourself.”

Sighing, Dan nodded his head. Phil wasn’t wrong, but he was also dangerously close to edging into serious conversation territory, and if Dan was being honest with himself just then, he wasn’t entirely sure if he was ready to break their happy little bubble and tell Phil about what had happened with his parents.

Before the shower sex that morning, Dan had thought he was ready, and while he _did_ still feel lighter, while he _did_ still know that the only way to heal would be through talking, the more time he put off the conversation, the more he wanted to _keep_ putting it off.

Because the more he avoided the topic, the more it felt like Dan could pretend it wasn’t real.

“I know, I know,” Dan finally replied, “I need to eat more. You’ve said it a million times. I just… forgot. There was a lot going on,” he explained, carefully averting his gaze from Phil’s in an attempt to ward off the inevitable questions.

He could hear Phil inhaling sharply, having been reminded that Dan had promised to talk, but before Phil could initiate that conversation, the sound of a key in the lock jostled them both, and reminded them that they weren’t entirely alone.

“Phil?” Phil’s mum’s voice called, “Is Dan here yet?”

“Yeah, mum! We’re in here,” Phil shouted back, startled. He released Dan and sent him a look that clearly read _this conversation isn’t over_ as he got up and went to meet his mum in the foyer.

Standing up as well, Dan awkwardly dusted himself off in an attempt to stall, and then followed after Phil.

He should have felt nervous about seeing Phil’s parents again, when his last interaction with his _own_ parents had gone so badly, but he just felt relieved, because Katherine’s arrival at home had been the perfect timing. Now, _now_ Dan could take the next few hours to prepare himself for what he was going to tell Phil.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to @[imnotinclinedtomaturity](http://imnotinclinedtomaturity.tumblr.com), who probably wasn’t expecting me to ask her to edit today since I hadn’t even BEGUN to re-write the second half of this chapter, and therefore is amazing for doing what she did. That being said, I was too impatient to wait for her to do a “proper” edit, so if there are any issues, that’s all on me. Thank you as well to everyone for being patient with me. I struggled more than I can even began to explain on this chapter, and it was insanely important to me that I got this chapter right. I hope the long awaited conversation ends up being exactly what you guys had been hoping for <3 There’s more to come, so stay tuned!

Kathryn was just as sweet as Dan remembered. The moment Dan entered the hallway to greet her with Phil, Kathryn pulled him into a warm hug, her arms all encompassing despite her slight frame.

She felt like a mum. Not like Dan’s mum, but a _mum_. A proper mum who knew how to make Dan feel young and small again, despite being 18 and a foot taller than her. There was just something about her that felt _loving_ , and somehow, Dan was lucky enough to get some of that love from her too.

“It’s so good to see you again, Dan,” Kathryn greeted warmly, face pressed into the crook of his neck. “Nigel and I were wondering why we haven’t seen you around recently!” she complained as she pulled back from Dan.

Before Dan could even think about coming up with an explanation for her without having to explain the real reason - that his parents hadn’t known he and Phil were dating until last night - Kathryn’s smiling gaze flicked down to his neck, and began to follow the line of dark hickeys littering Dan’s neck.

Dan blushed deeply as he remembered that Phil had made a mess of him that morning. Terrified that Kath might be offended by the obvious signs of sex, Dan tried to shrink under her gaze, his shoulders drawing up some in an attempt to hide his neck. His eyes darted to Phil’s, who was staring back at him just as nervously.

Fuck, _fuck_ , what was Kathryn going to think of him now? Sure, this wasn’t the first time Dan had paraded around the Lesters’ house with his neck covered in hickies, and sure Kathryn had never said anything bad _before_ , but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t _eventually_.

Surely, there were only so many public displays of their sex life that any person could take, _especially_ a parent.

Dan had just wanted to Phil to make it clear to _Dan’s_ parents who Dan belonged to… he hadn’t exactly thought about the _Lesters_.

Now he wished he had, if only to avoid the awkwardness of this moment.

Eyes darting back to Phil’s again when Kathryn said nothing, Dan tried to silently plead for help.

Thankfully, Phil understood him. Clearing his throat awkwardly, Phil shuffled his feet a little, and opened his mouth to speak.

“Mum -”

“Oh! What were you saying, dear?” Kathryn asked, jumping a little and dragging her gaze away from Dan’s neck.

Rather than looking disgusted or annoyed, however, Kath just looked quietly amused as she turned to look at Phil. Dan watched as her gaze traced over Phil’s neck as well, saw the way she rolled her eyes playfully, and begin to strip off her coat.

“It’s only been a couple of weeks since Dan was here last, Mum,” Phil said, his voice far too loud in the small hallway, and his cheeks beginning to burn even more as he seemed to remember that he, too, was covered in Dan’s marks.

Mortified, Dan dropped his face into his hands.

“That’s _months_ for you two, Philip,” Kathryn replied, hanging up her coat and giving Phil’s _neck_ an obvious look. “You can’t keep your hands off each other,” she teased with a wink and a laugh.

Dan wanted to die on the spot.

“Right, uhm. Yeah,” he mumbled. “I guess I’ve just been busy,” he added, reaching up to ruffle his hair for something to do with his hands. His cheeks were on fire, and he wanted nothing more than to disappear into the ground.

Kathryn shot them both amused looks as she pulled off her shoes.

There was an awkward silence between all three of them while Dan tried to subtly disappear, and Phil did his best to retain some form of dignity in front of his mum.

Then, “So, what’s for dinner?” Phil asked hastily.

Rolling her eyes affectionately, Kathryn stood up straight, and started to head out of the hallway. Almost on instinct, both Dan and Phil followed her.

“Always thinking about your stomach, aren’t you Philip. I was thinking enchiladas, if you boys wanted to help me cook?”

Eyes wild, and terrified that saying no would make Kathryn think he and Phil were going to head back upstairs and have sex _again_ , Dan blurted out, “Sure! I’d love too.”

Phil shot him a horrified look, while Kathryn glanced over her shoulder and _beamed_.

“Wonderful! Thank you, dear.”

Phil’s hand found Dan’s, and he squeezed so hard that Dan whipped his head up to look at him. Phil’s eyes were filled with anxiety, but he didn’t stop Dan from continuing to follow after Kath.

“I hate you,” Phil muttered.

Dan’s stomach clenched a little.

“I thought you wanted to get away just as bad as I did, and now we have to help mum _cook_ ,” Phil practically whined, the look of mortification still plain as day on his face.

Dan’s stomach relaxed, relieved Phil wasn’t _actually_ mad, and he sent Phil a small smile in return.

“I just want her to like me,” he explained.

Phil paused, holding Dan in place for a minute, as he searched Dan’s face in surprise. Then, a small smile of his own crept onto his features. With an obviously fond roll of the eyes, Phil reached up and cupped his cheek, sweeping a finger just under his mouth with a look full of soft adoration.

“She already does,” he said, and leaned in for a quick kiss.

**

Cooking with Kathryn was easy. She had a soothing personality, and a soft voice, and there was a warmth about her that Dan hadn’t ever experienced in a mother before. She gave easy directions to Dan, having him cut up the vegetables while she prepared the tortillas, and didn’t make fun of Dan when he made a mistake.

Instead, she gently corrected him, teaching him the best way to cut an onion, and how big she wanted the tomato slices to be. She didn’t even complain when she had to throw out bits of food that Dan had “ruined,” where Dan’s mum would have fought to make do, and complained the whole time.

It made Dan feel like he truly was part of the family. It made him feel loved and cared for in a way that Dan’s own mum had never truly accomplished. It made him feel _included_ , and his heart feel warm, as Kathryn and Phil held up a steady stream of comforting conversation.

Of course, the whole evening had started out a little awkward thanks to Kath’s good natured teasing, but it had so easily flowed into something more natural that Dan was almost able to forget the marks littering his and Phil’s neck. From time to time, he’d glance up and catch sight of the angry red, and purple bruises on Phil’s skin, and he blush darkly in embarrassment, but just as quickly as he blushed, he found himself laughing at Kath teasing Phil, and Phil teasing her right back.

When Nigel Lester eventually got home, the atmosphere Kathryn and Phil had created pretty much stayed the same. While Dan’s father had a habit of darkening any room he walked into, Nigel was so calm and unassuming that Dan just felt at peace.

Dinner, therefore, was an easy affair filled with lighthearted conversations that were so different from dinner conversations at home that Dan’s head was spinning. Not once did anyone ask him about his plans for the future, or bother him about school and internships. Instead, Phil chattered about YouTube, and Kathryn mentioned having watched one of Dan’s videos and absolutely loving it.

The easy acceptance, the easy praise and affection, made Dan feel at home for the first time in his life, and for a little while, Dan was even able to forget about what had happened just last night with his own parents. There was just this sense of belonging in the Lester household that Dan wanted to revel in, and no place for thought of his parents.

“So, how do we feel about a movie night?” Kathryn suggested, as she and Dan finished up the dishes. Phil and his dad were talking quietly behind them, still sat at the table, and occasionally offering their help as well. Kathryn was quick to dismiss them every time, but Dan didn’t mind.

He was kind of enjoying his time with Kath.

Normally, Dan loathed having to do the dishes with his mum, as it was usually a chance for her to berate or lecture him, but with Kath, it just felt nice. It felt like bonding, and Dan hadn’t realized how desperate he was for some kind of motherly affection until just then.

“Movie sounds good. Phil and I could make the popcorn. What do you think, Dan?” Nigel asked, drawing Dan’s attention back to the question at hand.

He hesitated, unsure how to react. Dan wasn’t used to spending time with family - his or anyone else’s. His parents never wanted to do anything together outside of carefully constructed family holidays and stoic dinners together. He’d never been invited to spend much time with his ex’s family either, and the idea of hanging out was still so foreign to Dan. It had been strange enough the last few times Dan had been here, but _now_? After what had happened with his own parents last night?

But a movie _did_ sound good. Dan loved watching movies. It was probably his favorite past time after watching YouTube videos. He was just such a movie buff, and he _loved_ talking about them afterwards, _especially_ with Phil.

Dan didn’t know how to respond. Should he say yes, and risk a bad experience with the Lesters, or say no and disappoint everyone, including himself?

Phil must have taken Dan’s hesitance as a plea for a way to say no, as before Dan could come up with an answer, Phil spoke for him.

“Actually, Mum, Dad, Dan got in pretty early. He’s probably pretty tired already.”

“He got in early, did he?” Nigel asked, a teasing note to his tone. “Yes, I’m sure _that’s_ the reason he’s tired.”

Heat filled Dan’s cheeks as the words sunk in, and he whirled to face both Phil and his dad with his mouth open in protest. First Phil’s mum, and now his dad, too? Could today get any worse?

“That’s not -” Dan started to say, only to be interrupted by a chorus of laughter from both Kath and Nigel. Dan’s cheeks turned absolutely crimson as he stared back and forth between them, his eyes darting to Phil’s.

Phil looked just as mortified, covering his face with his hands at the kitchen table. Nigel reached across to slap Phil on the shoulder, while Kath attempted to muffle the sounds of her giggles.

Dan could do nothing but try his best not to groan out loud.

“I’m only teasing,” Nigel eventually said, when his laughter had petered out some. “It’s fine, Dan. If you’re tired, you and Phil should head up to bed.”

“I’m fine!” Dan blurted out, before he could _really_ think about it. “I’m not tired at all! A movie sounds great!” he continued, feeling more and more flustered by the minute. Whirling on his feet, Dan went right back to vigorously scrubbing dishes dry, and placing them carefully into the Lesters’ cupboards, eyes wild with mortification.

Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ , Dan had only _just_ gotten over being caught out and _called out_ by Phil’s _mum_ , and now this?

Dan’s cheeks were absolutely on fire by the time Kath reached out and touched him, her fingers soft against the inside of Dan’s wrist.

Dan’s head snapped up to look at her.

“If you’re sure, dear,” she murmured, her voice sweet, and her gaze understanding. “We could always watch a movie another night,” she offered.

But there was something about her gaze that made Dan’s previously racing heart began to settle back into a normal rhythm. There was something about the warmth she exuded that reminded Dan that her and Nigel’s teasing was nothing more than good natured ribbing, and while Dan _still_ felt humiliated, somehow, he felt better about it at the same time.

Slowly, he felt himself beginning to smile.

Because the Lesters… they felt like a _real_ family, and Dan had never had that before.

“I’m sure,” Dan murmured back, offering Kath a quick nod of his head when she cocked her head inquisitively at him. They stared at each other for another long moment, before Kath burst into a wide smile.

“Alright, dear. Do you think you and Phil could make the popcorn, while Nigel and I pick out a movie?”

Nodding, Dan finished drying off the last plate, and stuck it in the cupboard, before letting the door fall shut. Kath patted Dan on the arm one last time, and then turned to walk away, Nigel following behind her.

Phil took her place. As Dan turned, putting his back to the sink and letting out a huge sigh, Phil stepped in close, and pressed the palms of both of his hands on Dan’s waist.

“Sorry,” Phil giggled, his cheeks still a dark red. “Sometimes my parents don’t know where to draw the line.”

Dan shook his head.

“It’s fine,” he reassured Phil, though his cheeks still felt warm. “It’s kind of nice… you know, that they don’t care,” Dan explained, avoiding Phil’s gaze.

“Care about what?” Phil asked, clearly confused.

But Dan just shook his head, looking back up and offering Phil a smile. “Nothing,” he said. “Let’s make that popcorn, yeah?”

Phil cocked his head in confusion at Dan, but didn’t pry. Instead, he released Dan’s hips without so much as a protest, and went to retrieve the popcorn.

Dan mostly just left the cooking to Phil. He ended up watching the way Phil moved, puttering about his kitchen, making himself a quick coffee, and getting the popcorn going in the microwave. He shouted an offer for coffee or drinks to his parents, who both said no, and then offered Dan one as well. With a quick shake of his head, Dan said, “No, I’ll just steal some of yours,” despite the fact that he hated the way Phil took his coffee.

He just wanted to share _everything_ with Phil today. Even coffee.

When the two bags of popcorn Phil had pulled out had finished cooking, the two of them headed back into the lounge, with Dan and Phil each holding a bowl of popcorn. Still trying to make a good impression on Phil’s parents, Dan handed them the bowl he was holding, smiling at the way they curled up together on the sofa. Dan had never seen his own parents cuddle like that.

It was a reassuring sign that not all relationships had to be like his parents.

After dropping off the popcorn, Dan turned, only to find that Phil had already made his way across the room to the recliner, and sat down. He even had the foot rest already pulled up and out, so he was practically laying down, a sight that made Dan feel incredibly confused.

Pulling up short, Dan blinked at Phil a few times, and then walked over hesitantly to meet him.

What was doing? Did he not want to sit with Dan?

But then Dan got closer, and he realized that Phil was sitting with his legs spread, popcorn bowl in one hand, mug in the other, both resting on the armrests, as he stared up at Dan with such an obvious look of _come here_ , that Dan suddenly understood. Once again, his cheeks flushed a dark red, and he turned to glance pointedly at Mr. and Mrs. Lester. Neither parent was looking, though, and when Dan turned back to Phil, he was smiling as if his parents didn’t matter.

Who knows. Maybe in that moment, they didn’t matter to Phil.

“Come here, dork,” Phil said fondly, nodding towards his lap. “My parents don’t care,” he added in a much quieter voice, one that was very obviously intended to avoid catching his parents’ attention.

Dan glanced behind himself one last time _just to make sure_ , but Mr. and Mrs. Lester were giggling together as they fed each other popcorn, and they’d already pressed _play_ on the movie they’d picked out. Clearly, they weren’t paying Dan or Phil _any_ attention.

Dan turned back around to find Phil staring at him fondly, a playful smirk on his lips.

“Come _on_ ,” he insisted softly.

Biting his bottom lip, Dan finally gave in. What use was there in arguing anyway? He _wanted_ to sit with Phil, and the opportunity to sit in his lap was far too good to pass up. It was just - Dan was _nervous_. He’d never really done this kind of thing before in front of someone’s parents. With his ex, there had always been a carefully controlled amount of space between then, and limited PDA. Being so open was… new to Dan.

Still. He wasn’t going to give this moment a pass, not if the Lesters _really_ didn’t seem to mind. Which, from the looks of it, maybe they didn’t.

Stepping forward, Dan went to climb over the footrest and onto the recliner with Phil, when he remembered Phil’s coffee. His eyes caught on the precariously-held mug, and he reached out and grabbed it before he could think about it.

“Don’t want you to spill it,” Dan explained hastily, his cheeks growing somehow warmer. Phil’s mouth dropped open a little in surprise, but he didn’t protest. Instead, he just kind of stared at Dan.

Placing the mug down on the coffee table next to Phil’s recliner, Dan sent Phil a smile, and then went about climbing up into the seat with him. With Dan’s overly long limbs, the movement was a little bit awkward, and the fact that he needed to avoid touching Phil in any inappropriate places made him feel even more awkward.

As Dan crouched over the top of Phil, his hands on either side of Phil’s head, and his body caging Phil’s, Dan glanced over the Lesters. Kath was staring right at him.

The attention caused Dan to slip, and he gasped, eyes going wide, as his grip on the chair relaxed unconsciously. For a moment, Dan flailed, whipping his head back around to stare at Phil, and catching himself on his boyfriend's shoulder. Phil’s eyes were wide as well, though _he_ was laughing, but Dan couldn’t be bothered by _Phil’s_ reaction.

He was more concerned with _Kath’s_. Warily, Dan turned again to look at Kath, only to find her hiding a laugh behind her hand as she turned her attention back to the TV.

His cheeks flushed even darker now, Dan turned back to stare at Phil’s chest, and shifted to turn around on Phil’s lap.

Phil’s empty hand reached for Dan’s waist as he started to get settled, and helped guide him into place. His hand was hot even through the shirt Dan was wearing, and it made Dan shudder a little with desire, because every touch of Phil’s sent an electric shock through his body. What was even better, however, was the feel of Dan’s body settling on top of Phil’s as he sat, and his body naturally melted backwards against Phil’s chest.

Dan’s nervous expression softened into a smile.

Because this was _wonderful_ , and if he got to spend the entire movie curled up with

Phil like this, well then he was the luckiest man on Earth.

“Told you it’d be fine,” Phil murmured against the shell of Dan’s ear as he wrapped his arm around Dan’s waist, and placed the popcorn bowl on Dan’s lap.

Dan blushed all over again.

“I’m not too heavy for you, am I?” he whispered back.

Phil chuckled, and pressed a chaste kiss to the side of Dan’s neck.

“Course not, love. Don’t even think about it.”

So Dan didn’t. Instead, he turned and reached over to grab the coffee mug off the coffee table, then settled back into Phil, and did his best to relax.

It was difficult at first. Dan kept catching himself throwing glances over at Phil’s parents, wondering if they were staring at Dan and Phil, but they never were. The more times Dan looked, and the more times he found that neither Lesters were paying them any attention, the more comfortable Dan began to feel.

And then, as Dan finally relaxed properly into Phil’s body, Phil reached up and pressed a bit of popcorn to his lips. Startled, Dan turned his head a little, and looked back at Phil to find him smiling at Dan.

Gently, Phil nudged the bit of popcorn at Dan’s lips, and nodded his head as if to say _take it_.

Slowly, Dan parted his lips, allowing Phil to press the kernel into his mouth. Phil slipped his fingers in alongside the bite of popcorn, so Dan could taste Phil’s skin against his tongue just as much as the buttery popcorn, before he slowly pulled away.

Mouth watering for a different reason than the popcorn, Dan bit into the kernel, and chewed slowly for no other reason than because he was trying to control himself from jumping on Phil and kissing him right then and there. Furtively, Dan shot a glance over at the Lesters again, only to find that Nigel was doing much the same for Kath, but with far less sexual tension.

Turning to look back up at Phil, Dan opened his mouth to demand Phil stop teasing him, but before he could speak, Phil pressed another piece of popcorn into Dan’s mouth, this time drawing his fingers sensuously against Dan’s lips as he pulled away.

Dan’s mouth fell shut on instinct.

“Good?” Phil asked, voice husky.

Dan nodded his head.

“Good,” Phil said again, and settled back into the recliner as if nothing had happened.

Dan swallowed thickly, and chewed the popcorn currently in his mouth quickly, unsure when Phil was going to feed him another - but if Dan was being honest with himself, no matter how much he hated the teasing… he kind of wanted Phil to do it again.

And he did. For the rest of the night, in fact. Phil fed Dan the majority of their popcorn bowl, only pausing occasionally to offer Dan sips of his coffee, before starting back up again. At first, the sensation continued to feel sexual in nature, but as the night wore on, and the movie grew more and more serious, followed by an overly sappy ending, Dan noticed Phil’s motions becoming more sweet, and less teasing.

It was nice. It was _really_ nice. While Dan loved the sexual nature of his relationship with Phil, he liked the affectionate one just as much, and he knew Phil did too. Everytime Dan got to see Phil like this, Dan’s heart curled up in deep satisfaction, because Dan knew that he was special, and that he was the only lover Phil had ever acted like this around.

As the credits finally began to roll just past ten o’clock, Mr. and Mrs. Lester stood up with big yawns. Nigel stretched his arms over his head, while Kathryn turned to smile at Dan and Phil.

“Alright boys, I think it’s time for your father and I to head up to bed,” she announced.

Dan glanced over at Phil, who didn’t look the least bit tired (probably due to the coffee they’d been drinking) and then back over to Kath.

“Sleep well, Mrs. Lester,” Dan said.

Kathryn laughed, and shook her head.

“Call me Kath, Dan,” she said. “After what I’ve seen, I think we’re on a first name basis,” she added with a wink and a loud laugh.

Mortified, Dan’s cheeks flared red.

“Oh my god, Mum!” Phil complained with a surprised laugh, his arm tightening around Dan’s waist to hold him closer.

Kathryn rolled her eyes, while Nigel merely smirked at the two boys, arms crossed over his chest and body turned towards the stairs. It was clear he was ready for bed, and all Dan could think was _please take your wife with you and make her stop teasing us_. But he didn’t.

He just let Kath keep talking.

“Oh hush, Philip. A mother knows, you know,” she joked. “And do it keep down tonight if you two decided you’re not too tired to have another go,” she teased one last time.

Before either Dan or Phil could say another word, or defend themselves, Kath stepped forward, looped her arm through her husbands, and lead him straight upstairs.

Dan’s mouth fell open in utter shock.

“Did that just happen?” he asked, once Kath and Nigel had disappeared up the stairs. A few seconds later, Dan heard their bedroom door close.

“Yeah, it did,” Phil said, and immediately burst into laughter. Dan turned in his lap to find that Phil had thrown his head back, and his adam’s apple was bobbing from the force of his laughter.

“Oh my god, Phil!” Dan complained. “Stop laughing!”

Turning properly in Phil’s lap, Dan threw his legs over the armrest, dislodging the empty popcorn bowl from his lap and sending it tumbling to the floor, and swatted playfully at Phil’s chest.

“It’s not funny!” he complained.

“It sort of is,” Phil shot back, leaning in to press a kiss to Dan’s neck. He was still laughing, the kiss a little bit wet, and very warm, but filled with the sensation of Phil’s amusement.

Dan groaned, and wiggled away.

“Sto _oooop_ ,” Dan complained, “Your parents are home!”

Phil’s arms snaked more tightly around Dan’s waist, and he pulled him closer to his body, lips finding the shell of Dan’s ear. Dan shievered as Phil placed a kiss there, his humor from earlier clearly _gone_.

Dan wasn’t sure if he was ready to find out what the humor had been replaced with.

“Says the boy who wanted to fuck on my parents’ kitchen table. Do you know how difficult it was to keep a straight face while we were eating there?” he murmured, his voice husky and filled with warm desire. Dan’s eyes went even wider, his cheeks darkening, as Phil continued. “I’m not sure if I was more mortified, or turned on by the fact that what happened there is our little secret.”

Dan didn’t have a response to that. It wasn’t something he’d exactly been thinking about, considering he’d been so distracted by how pleasant Phil’s parents were, but now that he _was_ thinking about it, he definitely felt mortified. Shoving his face into his hands again, Dan groaned against his palms, and chose not to reply directly.

“Why were you thinking about _that_?” he asked instead.

Phil chuckled against Dan’s ear, and nuzzled at the sensitive bit of skin just behind it. “How could I _not_?” Phil asked, “Do you think I’ll ever be able to eat there again without getting turned on? Do you think I’ll ever be able to use my _shower_ again without having to jerk off?” he pushed, breath hot against Dan’s skin. He nuzzled at Dan’s ear again, before kissing it lightly, the sound of his voice and the feel of his lips sending heat coursing through Dan’s veins.

Dan’s cock stirred in his pants.

“Phil,” Dan gasped, turning his head a little. “Phil, stop… You’re gonna make me…”

“Make you what?” Phil asked, shifting a hand to play at the hem of Dan’s shirt.

Dan squirmed, and jerked away. He could feel desire beginning to course through his veins, but he wasn’t entirely sure he had another round in him, _especially_ not after all of Phil’s parents’ teasing. It felt entirely inappropriate to do anything more while the Lesters were home when they were already joking about Dan and Phil’s morning activities.

Turning his body completely, Dan swung his legs back off the arm rest, and pressed his back to Phil’s chest. Not so casually, Dan grabbed Phil’s wrists and tightened them around his waist, holding them in place. Then, he sighed and rested his head on Phil’s shoulder, face turned and tucked into his neck.

“I hate you,” he complained, only for Phil to laugh in return.

“I love you, too,” Phil shot back, his voice warm and affectionate. Sighing a little himself, Phil seemed to give in to Dan’s desire for non-sexual cuddles, and held him back easily, his fingers rubbing soothing circles against the skin of Dan’s hands. Despite Dan being the one holding Phil’s arms in place, it truly felt to Dan that Phil was the one holding Dan in place.

He was like an anchor keeping Dan from floating away. To where, Dan wasn’t sure - all he knew was that if it weren’t for Phil this morning, Dan wasn’t sure what he would have done. He clearly hadn’t been able to stay at home, not if he wanted any semblance of having control over his own life, but he’d also been so stuck inside of his own head that he’d been desperate for Phil to show him that everything was going to be alright.

And Phil had.

Because Phil… was truly a very special person.

They sat like that what seemed like a long time. The coffee had done it’s trick, Dan wasn’t tired, and he could feel by the way Phil was breathing under him that Phil wasn’t tired either. As Dan continued to dwell on the events of the day, he began to realize why Phil might have had them drinking coffee tonight.

He was still waiting for that talk Dan had promised him.

And Dan couldn’t blame him in the least.

Letting out a deep sigh, Dan relaxed further into Phil’s body, unsure how to get the ball rolling on that conversation. He wanted to stay in _this_ moment forever.

It wasn’t that he didn’t think Phil deserved an explanation… it was just, Dan had put it off so long that he was starting to feel more and more nervous about bringing it up.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to because Phil did it for him.

“Dan,” Phil murmured, pulling away from Dan some. Dan turned his head to find Phil shuffling to the right, putting some distance between their bodies. The movement forced Dan to lean further back into the actual recliner, rather than Phil’s body. “I hate to bring this up, but… you promised we’d talk,” he continued. His mouth was pushed into an uncertain grimace that Dan hated to be responsible for.

“I know,” Dan agreed instantly. Letting out a deep sigh, Dan pushed a hand through his curls, and turned his body on the recliner so he was facing Phil.

The problem was, he still didn’t know where to start.

His eyes found Phil’s and he held onto his gaze as tightly as he could, unblinking, a little uncertain, and a lot shy. Phil stared back, squinting at Dan as if he were trying to read through the shields Dan had had up all day..

Dan wished it were possible to read minds.

“What’s going on, Bear?” Phil asked after another moment of silence dragged between them.

The childhood nickname sent a shiver down Dan’s spine, and he blinked against the pain that washed over him.

 

Instantly, Dan recoiled, flinching away from the conversation, away from Phil, away from that _name_.

“Don’t call me that anymore,” Dan blurted out, his mouth clamping shut around the words. He felt his eyes go wide as Phil flinched away from Dan’s harsh tone. Phil’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“Dan…” he murmured, reaching over to press a warm palm on top of Dan’s thigh. “Dan, you’re scaring me. What’s going on? I thought you loved that nickname -”

“My parents told me to stop seeing you,” Dan blurted out again, cutting Phil off.

This time, Phil reacted with a notable gasp, the sound harsh and loud in the quiet of the lounge.

Unable to face Phil’s reaction, Dan bit down hard on his lip, and closed his eyes. Before he could stop himself, he curled up in as tight of a ball as he could manage, shuffling away from Phil’s body, and tucking himself into the far corner of the recliner. He wrapped his arms tight around his legs as his muscles clenched up, filled with a tension Dan had thought he’d managed to work out that morning. Apparently, he’d been wrong.

Phil didn’t say a word. In fact, the hand he’d pressed against Dan’s thigh had retracted completely, and if it weren’t for the rest of their bodies inadvertently touching, Dan might have actually panicked.

The silence between them was heavy.

Dan was too afraid to open his eyes and find out what Phil was thinking. Remembering what his father had basically demanded of Dan was bad enough, but having to say it out loud? Having to wait for Phil’s reaction? That was almost worse.

The silence was killing him, but Dan couldn’t bring himself to break it.

“Is that why...?” Phil finally asked, his voice cracking on the words. “Is that why you’ve been so clingy today? Are you - is this -” Phil choked, the sound shocking enough to force Dan to finally open his eyes and look up at Phil.

His eyes were wet, and he was biting his bottom lip so hard it had turned white.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Phil asked, lips shaking.

Dan’s mouth dropped open.

“What?” he asked, dumbfounded. Had he heard that right?

Phil’s eyes fell shut, and Dan watched on helplessly as the tears fell, dripping down his cheeks and stopping at his shaking lips.

“Dan, did you come here to break up with me?”

“No! What the fuck, Phil!?” Dan shouted, body uncurling as he scrambled back to Phil. Their knees knocked together painfully, but Dan didn’t care. He shifted his body so that he was straddling Phil, shoving him back into the recliner, and nearly sending both of them flying backwards. At the last minute, Phil reached out and grappled with the armrests, preventing them from tipping too far back. After a few precarious seconds, the recliner settled.

“How could you even think that?” he demanded, voice a more hushed shout now, as Phil shook his head venehemtely, eyes darting back and forth from Dan’s, to upstairs, where his parents had gone to bed.

“You just told me your parents told you to leave me!” Phil whisper-shouted back, expression filled with pain. “After I asked you to tell me what the hell was wrong with you today!” he added.

Dan shook his head. “That doesn’t mean I’m going to break up with you!”

“Well it doesn’t exactly come across as you not!”

Dan froze.

The realization that Dan hadn’t exactly told Phil one way or another what he was planning to do slammed into Dan, but it wasn’t as if Dan had exactly thought this whole conversation out. He’d just… kind of blurted out the first thing that had come to mind.

Still.

How could Phil ask him that?

Brow crumpling in pain, Dan groaned and leaned forward to press his face into Phil’s neck.

“I thot uw nu me ber than thot.”

“What?” Phil asked.

With a moan of distress, Dan pulled his face back from Phil’s neck and tried again. “I _said_ , I thought you knew me better than that,” he mumbled, avoiding Phil’s gaze. He could feel tears of his own flooding his eyes again.

It was bad enough that Dan’s parents had rejected him last night. But now this? Dan didn’t know what to do with this.

“Dan,” Phil murmured. His voice was soft, edged with a brokenness that forced Dan to look back up at him. “Dan, what did you expect me to think?”

“I dont know!” Dan nearly shouted, quieting at the last second thanks to a quick “shh!” from Phil. “Something other than this!” he added for good measure. His brow furrowed, and he drew back again, so his body was bowed, hovering over Phil’s, his hands on either side of Phil’s head.

It seemed impossible the recliner was still holding them up.

Phil shook his head, his expression fading back into the heartbroken one Dan had seen one too many times today.

“Dan,” Phil repeated, voice shaky. “Dan, how in the world could I think otherwise with the way you’ve been acting all day?”

That brought Dan up short. He inhaled sharply as he realized that Phil was right.

Dan couldn’t really imagine his behavior from an outsider’s perspective, but he _could_ recognize that he’d been acting incredibly abnormal - abnormal enough that Phil had questioned him more than once that morning.

He’d convinced Phil to have rough sex with him _in the kitchen_ , for fuck’s sake, and had been so desperate to feel something other than _rejection_ , that he’d tried to convince Phil to fuck him dry.

But erase the knowledge that Dan had been feeling absolutely fucking _devastated_ , and what did that leave Phil with?

A messy, needy boyfriend who’d refused to stop and explain anything to him.

Shame filled Dan as he realized just how irrational he was being. He couldn’t drop a bombshell like this onto Phil, and not expect him to react just as badly as Dan had when his father had _said it_.

Groaning, Dan fell forward into Phil’s body, and shoved his face back into his neck, doing his best to hide from the pain he’d caused. He could feel the tears starting to drip passed his closed eyelids as he struggled to get his arms around Phil’s body to hold him close.

Phil’s arms wrapped around Dan’s waist easily, squeezing him back. The touch came almost as a surprise. At least, the ease of it. The familiarity. Phil wasn’t holding back, wasn’t denying Dan the comfort he was so obviously seeking, and it gave Dan a sense of relief to know he hadn’t entirely fucked up.

“‘M sorry,” Dan mumbled.

Beneath his head, Dan could feel Phil trembling - a reaction Dan had never thought to expect. Of all of the emotions he’d expected from Phil - anger, empathetic hurt, calm reassurance - _fear_ had never been one of them.

Dan had never thought Phil would jump to the _worst_ possible conclusion.

In some sick, twisted way, it was comforting - a sign that Phil was _just_ as invested in this relationship as Dan was, to the point where he he couldn’t fathom losing Dan either.

Dan just wished it hadn’t come to this.

“I just want to understand what’s going on,” Phil sniffled, squeezing Dan tighter when he attempted to pull away. “I thought something had happened… I thought maybe you were second guessing our relationship, or -”

Dan made a sound of muffled protest, and tried harder to squirm away.

Voice trembling, Phil pushed on, ignoring Dan’s attempts to interrupt. “- or - or. Well, you asked me to _mark you up_ , Dan.”

Distressed, Dan finally managed to drag himself out of Phil’s arms. He could feel his heart breaking at the very _idea_ Phil had suggested - of what Phil had _feared_.

“Why didn’t you _tell me_?” Dan begged, grasping Phil’s face in his hands, and holding on tight. He was sniffling, but he couldn’t help it. His heart felt like it was going to fall right out of his chest, it hurt so bad.

How had Dan managed to fuck up so bad?

“Because you were hurting!” Phil shot back, eyes wet with tears of his own. “I don’t know, Dan, I was afraid! What do you want from me, I’m not a robot! I feel things, too! I’m not perfect, either!”

Dan didn’t have a response to that. He’d never felt like such a selfish asshole. The last thing he’d wanted was to hurt Phil like this. If he’d known… if he’d only just _realized_ … why hadn’t he questioned it more when Phil had given him those heartbroken looks earlier? Relationships weren’t one sided, Dan couldn’t just go along ignoring Phil’s feelings just because _his_ were a wreck right now.

Trying to hold back from making this any more about him than it currently was, Dan sat up on Phil’s lap despite Phil’s protests, and his grasping hands, and crossed his arms over his chest.

“You’re going to tell me _exactly_ what you thought was happening today, Philip,” Dan demanded, though his voice was so wet with his tears that he feared he didn’t come across nearly as seriously as he wanted too.

Phil groaned, closing his eyes for a brief moment and biting his lip again. When he opened his eyes again, they were filled with tears.

“Well I didn’t think I was marking you up for _your parents_ ,” he spit out, his voice wobbling. “I thought something had happened with someone. Or - like, someone was pushing in on our relationship, trying to get with you, or _something,_ ” he explained. His voice was shaking hard enough that Dan wanted nothing more than to tell Phil to stop, if it meant not having to hear his agony. But Dan needed to hear this, and Phil needed to get it out.

“Fuck, Dan, I don’t know. You weren’t exactly forthcoming this morning! You wanted me to mark you up, to show _someone you were mine_! What the hell was I supposed to think?” Phil asked, shoving his hands through his fringe, and grasping onto his roots a moment later. Dan watched as Phil yanked on them, eyes falling closed as he started to cry again.

“I thought - I thought - I thought you were trying to decide whether or not you should stay with me.”

Dan’s heart absolutely broke. That was the last thing he’d been expecting to hear from Phil. Not even for one moment had Dan considered Phil might think _that_ of all things.

His mouth fell open, but before he could even think to respond, Phil cut him off.

“You asked me to give it to you rough, Dan,” Phil said, pulling his hands free from his hair, and opening his eyes to stare imploringly up at him. “And then you wanted to have sex _again_ , and I just - I couldn’t help thinking you were trying to test me, or something. Like you wanted to know how good I could give it to you, or, or -”

Phil’s voice cut off as he inhaled sharply.

“I thought you’d found someone else who could - who could - help you _finish_ ,” he said, gasping. “That you didn’t _need_ me anymore, or like - like that’s all this was for you, that I was just -”

Dan whimpered, _horrified_ at the very idea of Phil not knowing that he was _so much more_ than sex for Dan, but Phil just continued to talk over him.

“And then there was cuddling, and you woke me up with a blowjob, and I - I - I didn’t know what the hell was going on.”

Suddenly, Phil absolutely deflated. His body sunk back against the recliner as if he were a rag doll that had just been wrung out. Dan watched as he pressed the palms of his hands into his eyes, and pushed down hard.

It took a moment, but Phil eventually let out a harsh gust of air, and pulled his hands away.

“I couldn’t figure out what you were doing. All I knew was… you were asking a lot of me, and you wouldn’t tell me _why_.”

Dan felt gutted. He knew he’d asked Phil to tell him, but still. It was a lot. And suddenly Dan realized that he’d put a hell of a burden on Phil’s shoulders today.

He never should have expected him to be able carry it, and yet Phil _had_ -at least in Dan’s eyes. Dan had never felt more safe and happy than he had today… it was _soul crushing_ to realize that it had come at the expense of _Phil’s_ happiness.

“God, Phil, I can’t believe -” Dan started to say, cutting himself off in frustration as he realized the words weren’t quite what he’d intended to say. He shook his head, feeling a little bit like he was going to throw up from Phil’s confession. “I’d never -” he tried again, stumbling over his words as he stared down at Phil.

“I’d never cheat on you,” he settled with, the words coming out a horrified whimper.

Phil stared up at him with tears in his eyes, but he nodded with a broken looking smile. “I know, I _know_ , I just -” Phil didn’t finish his sentence. Instead, he grimaced as if he _couldn’t_ finish the sentiment. But it didn’t matter, because Dan understood.

Phil had been insecure, and it had been all Dan’s fault.

“I _love_ you,” Dan pleaded, hiccuping a little. He could feel his voice breaking, and it sucked. It sucked because Dan wasn’t _done_. “This isn’t - this isn’t just about - I don’t care that -”

Dan stopped and shook his head, staring down at Phil in absolute misery.

“This isn’t about the _sex_ Phil. _This_ ,” Dan said, waving between the two of them, “Is about so much more than what you can do to me. Physically.”

In fact, Dan was almost _certain_ that Phil was it for him. He didn’t want anyone else, and as fucking cliche as it sounded, as much as Dan didn’t _believe_ in fate, it felt like Phil and him were meant to be.

“You’re everything I want, Phil,” he explained. “I should have just told you from the beginning,” he whispered, eyes beginning to sting again. “I should have just _told you_ ,” he repeated.

“Why didn’t you?” Phil asked, sounding hurt.

“Because I wasn’t ready to talk about it - about my parents,” Dan admitted, biting back tears. His voice was hoarse, so he tried to clear it, but it was a lost cause. He could feel the tears bursting to be released, and he tightened his hands into fists at his sides. “Because I was afraid that if I said it out loud… if I _told you_...”

Dan’s voice trailed off. He coughed, grimacing, his eyes falling shut.

Phil twitched underneath him.

“If you told me… then what?” Phil urged, his voice an obvious, broken plea.

“Then it would be real,” Dan gasped, releasing a truth he hadn’t realized he’d been holding onto. His shoulders slumped, and he felt himself sway forward as the reality hit him.

Phil’s hands finally came up and braced against Dan’s hips, holding him steady in a way that made Dan feel like Phil was lending him his strength. It was enough to get Dan to lift his head up and look at Phil, tears dripping down his face.

“Baby...” Phil said, frowning. “It is real,” he whispered, his voice soft and so, _so_ understanding that Dan couldn’t take it anymore.

“I know,” he admitted, and his face crumpled as he finally let go, and allowed himself to cry.

Phil didn’t even hesitate. Using his grasp on Dan’s hips, he urged Dan to fall into his arms, and held on tight. His fingers dug into Dan’s shoulders as he wrapped his arms around him, his mouth falling to Dan’s neck where he pressed several gentle kisses, and murmured an array of soothing words.

Dan’s body was wracked with sobs as he leaned into Phil. He could feel himself beginning to relax, however, the tension draining out of him as Phil held him. For the first time all morning, Dan realized that _this_ was what he’d needed all along. He just needed to cry, and be held by someone who loved him and accepted every part of who he was. He needed to mourn what he’d lost last night - any hope of his parents loving him unconditionally.

Sure, he’d needed the other things too. Twelve hours ago, he’d been too angry to even contemplate crying like this, to even contemplate the fact that he’d _lost_ something. He’d just wanted to get revenge, to make a statement, to make _sure_ that his parents would be able to visually _see_ who Dan was, and what he’d done with his boyfriend.

But he’d needed this even more, and now that the wave of pain was crashing over him, Dan wanted nothing more than to give into it.

So he did.

He let Phil hold him tight, and did his best to listen to the sweet, soothing words Phil whispered in his ear, while he cried his heart out into his boyfriend's neck. The sounds he made were probably far too loud for the two sleeping parents upstairs, but Phil never shushed him, and no one ever came down to figure out what was going on.

It was just Dan and Phil, against the world.

**

“So what now?” Dan asked what felt like ages later. He was still sniffling, and he rubbed at his eyes to get rid of the last of his tears, but he was finally sitting up again, this time wedged into the recliner next to Phil, one leg thrown over Phil’s.

Phil had an arm wrapped around Dan’s shoulder to keep him close. Dan could see that his eyes were red too, as if he’d been crying at some point too, but unlike Dan, he wasn’t sniffling or trying to wipe away the last dredges of his pain. Instead, he just looked determined.

Taking Dan’s chin in his hand, Phil pulled him in close and whispered, “We’ll figure it out,” and kissed him gently on the lips.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for the grand finale of my week of writing for the phanfichallenge! I uh. Literally spent most of the day working on this and didn’t think I was going to get it up in time, but it’s happened! I did it! I’m so very proud of myself, and would really like to thank all of you for being patient with me
> 
> Enjoy <3

Dan would never get tired of waking up in Phil’s arms.. The warm strength that Phil exuded always made Dan feel a little but safer, a little bit more in control. Phil may have made it clear last night that he was only human - that he had worries and insecurities of his own - but, of the two of them, Dan had always felt like the more fucked up one.

So to be able to lean on Phil, even just a little bit, even just in the calmness of sleep and half-morning, meant the world to him.

Especially today.

Yesterday had been a mess of emotions: both good and bad. But the worst had been finding out that Dan had scared Phil, not once, but _twice_. For the majority of the day, Phil had apparently assumed that Dan had cheated on him, or was about to leave him for someone else, and then when Dan had finally explained about his parents, Phil had jumped to the worst possible conclusion: that Dan was _actually_ going to break up with him.

It had been painful, to say the least.

But thankfully, Phil had been determined to _talk about it_ , and so long as Dan always had someone in his life in _his_ corner, ready and waiting to hear what was going through Dan’s head… Dan thought they’d be okay.

A gap in Phil’s curtain allowed the early morning light to stream in, just enough that Dan could tell that it was morning without having to grab for his phone or roll over. Of course, it being England, Dan couldn’t determine exactly _what_ time it was from the murky color seeping into the room, but it was enough knowing that it was _day_. Surprisingly enough, Dan even felt relatively well rested, for someone who’d gotten so little sleep yesterday.

Even more surprisingly, he’d woken before Phil.

Taking advantage of the quiet moment, Dan allowed himself to just look his fill. His hands twitched with the desire to reach out and touch, but he held still in the hopes that he could steal just a little more time gazing at the man he was head over heels in love with. The man he’d risked everything to be with.

The man Dan would do anything to make happy.

After yesterday, Dan swore that he’d do just that.

Reaching up, Dan placed the palm of one hand against Phil’s cheek, and allowed himself to stroke along the soft bit of skin with his thumb. He wanted to lean forward and kiss Phil as well, but he also didn’t want to wake him up when they’d been up so late last night. Phil had earned his sleep, and the last thing Dan wanted was to interrupt it.

Still. He craved the chance to remind himself that this was real - that _Phil_ was real. So Dan lay curled up against Phil’s chest, staring up at his face, while he gently stroked his thumb along Phil’s cheek.

Then his phone rang, and Dan jumped so violently he actually shoved his head against Phil’s wall. Hissing as quietly as he could manage so as not to wake Phil, Dan pushed himself up on the bed, and practically _launched_ himself out of Phil’s arms. He scrambled on top of Phil’s bed, desperate to find his phone before the deafening ringtone could wake his boyfriend up, and snatched the offending object up the moment his fingers made contact.

Before Dan could so much as check the Caller ID, he slid his thumb across the screen in an overly eager attempt to _shut the damn ringer up_.

“Hello?” he answered, yanking the phone up to his ear and speaking in a low whisper as he scrambled away from the bed.

Casting an unsure look behind him to make sure that he hadn’t already woken up Phil, Dan started to make his way towards Phil’s bedroom door.

“Daniel,” the curt voice of his father finally replied.

Dan’s blood ran cold in his veins.

Oh god.

Fuck, _shit._

This couldn’t be happening. This was the last thing Dan wanted right now. He’d come to Phil’s to get _away_ from his parents. Wasn’t it enough that he’d be home in a few days? Couldn’t they just _leave him alone?_ Surely a bit of distance would do them all some good.

“Your behavior the last few days has been unacceptable,” his father said sternly.“I have never felt more ashamed to call you my _son_.” His voice went low, and was filled with venom.

The words struck Dan like a slap in the face. Last night, Dan had come to terms with the fact that his parents would never accept him, but _hearing the words spoken aloud_ was Dan’s worst fear come to life.

He swallowed audibly, and tried not to let himself cry. Not now, not yet.

Not on the phone with his father.

“Your behavior the other night was completely inadmissible for a Howell, let alone a _man_. What kind of reputation are you expecting to gain with an attitude like that?” his father spit out, his words causing Dan to tremble as he worked a sweaty palm against Phil’s door knob. He couldn’t stand up for himself, couldn’t even _talk_. He was frozen in fear, completely unlike how he’d felt the other night when he’d faced off with his father.

Dan needed out. He needed out _now_ , because he felt like he couldn’t breathe, and the last thing he wanted was to feel like a coward in the safe haven of Phil’s room. And Phil didn’t need to hear this. Phil didn’t need to know the way his father spoke to him when Dan got him all riled up.

He didn’t need to know how much of a failure Dan was.

Somehow, Dan got the door knob to turn, and practically bolted out of the room, leaving Phil’s bedroom door wide open.

“I expect more from you. You’re going to carry on the Howell name whether you like it or not, and I will _not_ have my son looked down upon for being some faggoty _cry baby_ who throws a tantrum every time he doesn’t get his way!”

Dan flinched as the words were met with a loud _bang_ as his father presumably slammed his hand down on a surface of some sort.

Even through the tiny speaker of his phone, his dad was _loud_ , and Dan didn’t want to disrupt anyone. His legs carried him frantically down the stairway, as Dan did his best to put as much distance between himself and the Lesters as he could.

“The fact that you thought you could treat me like that when your brother was home to see it is beyond me, Daniel, but I’ll have you know that _I_ am the man of this house, and that means that you _will_ do as I say! And if that means settling down with some broad to carry on the family name, then you _will_. I don’t care if you like men, but I will not allow you to destroy my reputation just so you can spend your days practicing _sodomy_.”

Dan felt a sob slam into his throat at the cruel words, and he did his best to keep it inside.

He wanted nothing more than to dispute his father’s words, to scream back at him, call him a homophobe and put him back into his place - but Dan didn’t have the energy for that. He didn’t have the energy for anything anymore.

He just felt defeated.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” his father muttered when Dan didn’t reply. Clearing his throat, he continued more forcefully. “But I’ve had enough. Where are you?” he demanded, even though he _had_ to know exactly where Dan was.

Lips trembling, Dan rushed into the kitchen, thankful to find it empty, and collapsed into the first chair he found.

Dan fought to hold back the tears burning at his eyes, fought to keep the waver out of his voice, but it didn’t surprise him when he failed.

“At Phil’s,” Dan croaked out.

His father made a noise of disgust in response, the sound loud and harsh. Dan winced, squeezing his eyes shut and biting his bottom lip to hold back his own pained response.

“I told you to end it with him, Daniel, or did you forget the part where you still live under my roof?” HIs father made a derisive noise, a sort of snort, and pushed on. “Unless you really think you’re capable enough to go out there and survive all on your own, I expect you to abide by _my_ decisions,” he replied, outraged and more than a little derisive. The way he spoke told Dan volumes - he wasn’t asking a question. He was pointing out that Dan would never make it on his own. “You better be there to say goodbye, or I swear to _god_ , Daniel!”

Dan had never quite seen this level of homophobia from his father. He’d never seen this level of homophobia from _either_ of his parents, really, but the combination of their more violent outbursts these past few days, and Dan’s father’s current explosive anger, Dan no longer knew what to expect.

Dan’s father was known for his temper. Despite being a lawyer, he’d never been good at tamping down on the explosive way his anger sometimes lashed out. It was both a positive and a negative in the courtroom, but for Dan, it was mostly just a negative.

As far as Dan knew, his father had never been _this_ upset, though. He’d never been violent towards his wife, nor his kids, but right now… well, Dan wasn’t sure what to expect anymore.

In a strange way, Dan suddenly felt like he’d caused his parents to cross a line they’d never crossed before.

“Well?” his father demanded, when Dan failed to respond. He sounded so furious; Dan could practically _see_ how red his face must be. “Is that what you’re there to do!?”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut, and squeaked out a small, “Yes, sir,” that he wasn’t sure he meant.

Somehow, Dan didn’t think his father bought it either.

“Your mother and I have had _enough_ , Daniel,” his father shouted, enraged now. “I expect you home _tonight_ , and we’ll discuss what to do about your - your - _homosexual tendencies_ then. I will not have a faggot in my home. Do you understand me!?”

Dan’s heart was in his throat as he scrambled for some kind of answer, some way to deflect, to buy himself some time. His hands were shaking as he blurted out, “But I booked my train for Monday night!”

His father went stone silent on the other end of the line. Dan inhaled sharply, terror gripping him properly for the first time. He had no idea what his father was capable of, that much was now clear. Would he come up here? Would he hurt Dan? Phil?

Dan would do anything to stop that, even if it meant going home today.

Just as he opened his mouth to change his mind, his father spoke again.

“Fine,” he said, his voice so quiet, so low, so tight that it was almost worse than the yelling from before. “You have the weekend to sort out your - your - _relationship_ with that Phil _boy_.” His father sounded utterly _disgusted_ , spitting out the words. “And then I expect it to be _done_. This family comes _first_. If you aren’t free of that boy by the time we board that plane to India on Tuesday, don’t bother coming home at all.”

Dan didn’t so much as have a chance to respond before his father hung up.

Dan dropped his phone on the table with a clatter, and shoved his face into his hands. His chest was shaking with each heavy inhale he took, and the tears he’d been working so hard to hold back had started to drip down his cheeks, completely out of his control.

There was a mix of terror, and pain sat heavy on Dan’s chest. He didn’t know what to do. On the one hand, he was terrified of what would happen if he did go home, if he did break up with Phil, because he knew that doing what his father had said wasn’t going to be enough. There would be consequences to what had happened the past two days, that much was clear, but -

But if Dan _didn’t_ go home, what the hell was he going to do then?

He had nowhere to go, and no ability to live on his own. Not right now. Not yet.

Suddenly, Dan felt nothing other than devastated.

The sudden clearing of a throat dragged Dan forcefully out of his slump, and he jumped in his chair. Tearing his face from his hands, Dan turned around, expecting to see Phil hovering behind him - but what he found instead was Kath, staring at Dan with the softest expression Dan had ever seen.

And if there was a hint of knowing in the way she smiled sadly, well, she wasn’t trying to hide it at all.

“‘M sorry,” Dan mumbled, scrambling out of the kitchen chair. “I didn’t mean to - I wasn’t - I’ll just be on my way,” he stuttered, and went to to stumble right past her.

Before he could take more than a few steps forwards, Kath placed a gentle hand on Dan’s shoulder, and pulled him into a hug. Face wet with tears, Dan felt his mouth fall open in shock as his body fell into Kath’s.

Just like when he’d hugged her last night, Dan felt small and warm. Kath’s thin arms were stronger than they looked, holding onto Dan so tightly that he actually felt _safe_. Her hands kneaded softly against Dan’s back as she pushed herself up so she could press her face into the crook of Dan’s neck.

The force of her embrace was enough to make Dan wilt into her arms. His eyes slipped closed on instinct as he gave into the comfort Kath always seemed to exude.

It took a long time for Kath to let Dan go. Her grip on him never faltered, even when Dan’s shoulders started to shake from the quiet sobs wracking his form. Dan just couldn’t hold the surge of emotion back anymore, especially not when someone as kind as Kath was holding onto him. But unlike Dan’s mum, Kath didn’t seem in the least bit bothered by a few tears.

In fact, Dan was convinced she held him tighter when his body began to shudder.

When she finally did release Dan, however, she didn’t move very far away. She shifted against Dan, releasing her arms from around his back, and reached for Dan’s shoulders instead. Putting the smallest amount of space between their bodies, Kath drew away and offered Dan another gentle smile.

“Would you like a cuppa?” she offered.

Who was Dan to say no?

Sniffling a little, Dan nodded his head and allowed Kath to lead him back to where he’d been sitting earlier. She got him settled back down in his seat, before squeezing his shoulder one last time and walking off to set about making some tea.

As Dan tried to get his tears back under control, he glanced down at the table top where his phone was sat glaring up at him, dark screened but menacing, and felt another well of emotion surge through him. Before he could stop himself, Dan reached for his phone and turned it upside down, shoving it away from him.

For the first time, he didn’t feel grateful for his parents getting him the newest technology. He just felt resentful, because it was just another thing his dad could use to hold over his head.

As Kath went about preparing them both a cuppa, humming softly all along, Dan put his arms down on the table, and rested his head against the light cushioning he’d made. His face was scrunched up in pain as he held back another round of sobs.

It wasn’t fair. It just _wasn’t fair_.

Eventually, the sound of two mugs being placed on the kitchen table filled the near silence, pulling Dan out of his misery once again. He lifted his head to find that Kath had sat down across the table from him, and had left a steaming mug of tea in front of him. Immediately, Dan straightened up in his seat and reached for it, wrapping both of his hands around the warm ceramic and drawing the mug closer to him in order to inhale the comforting scent of tea.

His eyes fell closed as the smell of chestnuts filled his nose, and he lifted the mug to his lips for a small sip.

“‘S good, thanks” Dan croaked once he’d put the mug back down. His voice sounded gruff, and it was obvious he’d been crying. Dan would have been more embarrassed about it if he weren’t feeling as shit as he currently did.

Kath offered Dan a warm smile.

“I’m glad,” she replied, and reached out to sip at her own cup of tea.

They were silent, then, other than Dan’s occasional sniffles as he tried to work himself down from his crying spell. He felt like an absolute mess, but at least the tea was helping him to feel a tiny bit better.

As he and Kath sat together in silence, however, Dan found himself waiting anxiously for Kath to ask him what was going on. His fingers kept twitching against his mug, and more than once, he hit his teeth on the ceramic out of nerves. A few times, he came close to missing his mouth completely and spilling tea all over himself, but Dan managed to catch himself each time.

It was a relief, because he wasn’t sure he could deal with being covered in hot tea on top of everything else.

Kath never spoke, though. She was calm and quiet as she drank from her own mug, and didn’t look in the least bit uncomfortable, unlike Dan. She just looked like a mum - calm, cool, and collected.

It was nothing like what Dan was used to.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what’s wrong?” Dan blurted out, when he couldn’t take the silence any longer. Once the words were out, however, Dan bit his bottom lip. Why had he asked that? _Why?_

“Only if you want to talk about it, love,” Kath replied easily, finally glancing over at him. Her expression was still soft, and so fucking _understanding_ that Dan felt a pang go through his chest.

How was this fair? How was _any_ of this fair? His own mother had never looked as kind as Kathryn Lester did, let alone as understanding as she was just then. And while Dan’s mum _never_ bothered to ask Dan what was wrong, Kathryn Lester was only _not_ asking because she wanted to leave the option open to Dan. The knowledge felt so good that Dan nearly collapsed back into tears right then and there.

But he didn’t. He managed to refrain, biting harder on his bottom lip, and squeezed his eyes shut.

How many times had Dan’s parents belittled his feelings? How many times had they brushed him off, and insisted that he just do as they say?

And here Kath was… letting Dan talk - or not talk - about whatever he wanted. Somehow, Dan just knew that Kath wasn’t going to belittle him.

Sniffling as Dan felt the tears well back up in his eyes, Dan reached up and swiped viciously at his eyes. He didn’t want to cry anymore, not if it was going to make him look weak in front of Mrs. Lester.

As he pulled his hands away and reached out with shaking fingers to his mug once again, however, Kath reached out and took his hand between gentle fingers. Dan’s head whipped up to stare at her with wide eyes.

Kath was staring back with an expression filled with sorrow.

“Dan,” she said. “It’s okay to cry.”

The words were so unlike anything Dan had ever been told before that he found himself instantly falling apart. He burst out into wet sobs as he shoved his face back into his hands, doing his best to muffle his own noises while also putting as much pressure against his face that he could _feel_ it. Anything to drown out the pain in his chest, the pain that came with realizing that not only was Dan’s life a mess, but he didn’t even have proper parents to help him through it.

Not like Phil did. Not like Kath and Nigel Lester, who’d done nothing but make Dan feel like he _belonged_ every time he came to visit.

And now Kath was holding Dan, seemingly having come around the table to sit down next to him. She dragged Dan into her arms, pulled his face into his chest, and held him so tight that it didn’t even matter anymore if Dan shoved his face into his hands.

Because Kath was holding him like Dan imagined a mother always should, and it was almost too much.

As Dan cried, Kathryn kept whispering soothing words against his hair. “You’re going to be okay,” she’d say, and then, “Just let it out, baby. Let it all out.”

Somehow, it made the tears run faster, but it helped to relieve some of the pain sat on Dan’s chest.

For the first time all morning, he didn’t feel alone. Up until this moment, Dan had only ever felt like this with Phil - safe, protected, _loved_...

It took a long time for Dan to cry himself out in Kath’s arms, but Kath never once complained. She held him the entire time, arms warm and sturdy, and almost as wonderful as Phil’s. She kept her voice low as she murmured reassurances to Dan, and held him together while Dan felt himself fall apart.

When Dan finally felt like he had some modicum of control over himself, he dragged himself out of Kath’s arms and stared up at her with a tear stained face.

He had to do this. He wanted to do this. It was just like ripping off a plaster.

“My parents are kicking me out,” he blurted out, wincing as the words sent a sharp jolt of pain through his insides. He hadn’t anticipated how much _worse_ it would feel when he said the words out loud.

Kath’s eyes widened just the tiniest bit, and her hands tightened where they’d moved to Dan’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry, love,” Kath soothed, “What’s happened?”

Dan closed his eyes as he fought to get the rest of the words out of his mouth.

“They don’t want me to see Phil anymore,” he explained as best as he could. He licked his lips, and squeezed his eyes shut tighter when he felt the tears prick once again. “They don’t want me to see _boys_ at all,” he added, because it didn’t feel like enough to say it was just Phil.

“I wish they didn’t feel that way,” Kath murmured gently, her hand finding Dan’s cheeks and rubbing gently. Her fingers ran over Dan’s tear tracks, and dragged them away, wiping away his tears.

Dan’s lip trembled dangerously.

“I don’t want to give him up,” Dan admitted hoarsely. “I love him.” Dan was entirely helpless as more tears slipped down his cheeks.

“And he loves you,” Kath replied, pulling Dan back into her arms for another hug. Dan didn’t even hesitate to hold her back. “That’s all that matters, love. That’s all that matters.”

Dan let his eyes close, and felt himself wishing that Kath was right. If only loving Phil was enough.

But loving Phil didn’t pay the rent.

“But I have nowhere to go,” Dan croaked, hiding his face in Kath’s shoulder. “I don’t have any money. I don’t have a job. I’m not even a YouTube partner yet, and what if I never am? I can’t - I can’t go home, but I don’t have anywhere else to go,” he cried, feeling the words fall like vomit from his mouth. There was even the acrid taste pressing against the back of his throat.

Kath just held Dan tighter.

“Of course you have somewhere to go,” she whispered. “You’re here now, aren’t you? Did you really think you wouldn’t be welcome here?”

For a moment, the words didn’t quite register. Dan was so lost in his own thoughts, his own terror, that he didn’t quite hear what Kath had said. But eventually, the words struck Dan, and he felt his body stiffen as the words slowly began to sink in.

Here? With the Lesters?

Kath couldn’t possibly mean that, could she?

“I…” Dan tried, but he couldn’t find the words to express how he was feeling. There was a part of him that felt hopeful, like maybe his worst fears wouldn’t come true - he wouldn’t end up out on the street, or be forced to break up with Phil. “That’s not - I can’t -” Dan stuttered, tripping over his words.

Surely, surely even the Lester’s couldn’t be that kind, that understanding… right?

Before Dan could go on, Kath released him and pushed him gently away from her body so that she could look at him. Her expression was soft, and her eyes were softer.

“Dan, love. You’re family now. You’re not alone in this. Please, I want you to feel welcome here for however long you need,” she explained.

Dan could do nothing but stare up at Kath with wide, uncertain eyes, because this couldn’t be real.

“But -” Dan tried to argue, only for Kath to shake her head fondly and press a finger to Dan’s lips.

“But nothing,” she insisted, looking at Dan with the utmost determination on her face. The way she held herself like she’d just made up her mind and no one could deter her reminded Dan of Phil. “I won’t hear a word of argument. It’s settled. You’re staying here until we get you on your feet. So please, make yourself at home.”

Lips trembling, and unable to comprehend the offer that had just been given to him, Dan let his eyes slip closed in exhaustion.

“Thank you,” he said, voice just as soft and unsure as Dan was currently feeling. But he hoped Kath would understand the sentiment was appreciated. Whatever Dan ended up choosing to do,he would forever be grateful to Kath and her offer.

The sound of someone moving around behind them suddenly interrupted the tense moment, and Dan whiped around in his chair to find Phil stood in the kitchen doorway.

“What’s going on?” he asked, sounding half awake and yet very, very confused. He was rubbing at his eyes and looking far too sleepy for someone who was up and about.

He was also wearing his glasses, a sight that would have probably turned Dan on in any other circumstance, but now just made his heart swell. This was a sight Dan wanted to see for the rest of his life, and somehow, someway, Phil’s _mum_ of all people was offering him that chance.

Another wave of tears welled in Dan’s eyes, and he turned away in the hopes that Phil wouldn’t see them.

“You weren’t in bed when I woke up, so I was worried…” Phil said, brow furrowing as he seemed to register that something was indeed wrong.

Before Dan could respond, or Phil could press the whole notion of something being off, Kath stood up from where she’d been sitting. Dan’s head whipped back around, teras slipping down his face, as Kath reached out and placed a gentle hand on Dan’s shoulder.

“I’ll leave you two to talk,” Kath said, releasing Dan’s shoulder and taking her warmth with it. Dan was surprised at the rush of disappointment he felt when Kathryn Lester moved away from him.

Taking her half empty tea with her, Kath walked away, leaving Dan to turn back to the kitchen table in an attempt to at least hide some of his tears. Behind him, Dan could hear Kath murmuring softly to Phil, and then Phil was walking over to join Dan at the table.

He took the chair his mum had just vacated, and just sat there.

Dan risked a glance over at him, only to find that Phil was beginning to look more and more alert, even without his usual cup of morning coffee. The tense atmosphere Kath had left behind was clearly getting to him, waking him up.

Phil was biting his lip and staring at Dan, worry evident in his features. Dan looked away quickly.

“Why’d you leave?” Phil asked after a moment, when the silence had stretched too thin. His voice was hesitant, like he didn’t want to push, but he wanted to say _something_ , and had settled on this. “The bed, I mean. I - I missed you,” he admitted tentatively. “I was hoping we could have a lie in or something.”

Rather than responded, Dan shrugged his shoulders and sniffled a little, hoping that maybe he could hide the fact that he was crying for even just a little bit longer. Unfortunately for him, Phil was far too perceptive for that - even if he _was_ sleepy.

“Are you crying?” Phil asked, suddenly sounding panicked. He reached out to press a warm palm to Dan’s shoulder, and squeezed, shaking it a little in a clear attempt to get Dan to look up at him. “What’s going on, Dan? Did something happen?” he asked.

“My dad called this morning,” Dan blurted out, still refusing to turn his head and look up at Phil. He could feel his hands starting to shake again at the mere _mention_ of his father.

Phil inhaled sharply from next to him, his grasp loosening.

“What?” Phil asked, his voice hushed. Dan could hear the concern so carefully laced through the single word.

Dan nodded his head. “That’s why I came downstairs,” he explained.

“Fuck,” Phil cursed, dragging his fingers from Dan’s shoulder. Dan looked up to find that Phil had shoved the heel of his hands against his eyes. “What did he say?” he asked, voice muffled as he scrubbed at his face, looking distressed.

Dan’s hands twitched with the desire to reach out and comfort Phil, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. Not when his father's words were still rattling around in his head, and he knew he’d have to repeat them once more to Phil, just like he had to Phil’s mum. So instead, Dan let out a heavy sigh, and squeezed his fingers into a fist on top of the table.

“He told me that if I we weren’t broken up by the time I get home on Monday, that I’m not allowed back home.”

The sound Phil made reminded Dan of someone being choked, and he finally whipped his head up to look at Phil. His eyes were wide, and his mouth was hanging open in complete and utter shock. It was obvious _that_ wasn’t something he’d been expecting any more than Dan had.

“Fuck, Dan. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. God, is there anything I can do?”

Dan shrugged his shoulders, because the reality was, not really. No practical solution could fix the heartbreak Dan felt; his entire world had just come crumbling down around him. Never in a million years had Dan anticipated that his parents’ reactions would be _this_ , even though he’d known that they weren’t _really_ okay with him being bi for years.

Despite Dan’s reply, however, Phil reached out and dragged Dan into his arms the same way his mum had done. While Kath’s hug had been warm and secure, Phil’s hug felt like _home_ , even as he shoved his face into Dan’s neck and breathed harsly against the skin there, clearly just as upset as Dan was.

Or, at least, close to as upset, because Dan knew that Phil couldn't ever _truly_ understand what Dan was going through. He had amazing parents who’d never threatened to kick him out for his sexuality, and who’d welcomed Dan wholeheartedly into their lives the moment Phil had introduced Dan as Phil’s boyfriend.

But that didn’t make his pain any less, and it didn’t make his sympathy any less appreciated.

“I’m sorry, Dan,” Phil murmured, his voice sounding thick with tears.

“”S not your fault,” Dan replied, wrapping his arms around Phil in return, and shoving his own face into the crook of Phil’s neck.

“But still,” Phil said, “If I’d just known -” he started, only for Dan to shake his head violently and cut him off, dragging his head back from Phil’s neck in an attempt to look at him.

“Known what?” he asked, peering pleadingly at Phil. “How my parents were going to respond? Or that I was going to tell them at all? Cause trust me, I hadn’t really planned it out,” Dan insisted. “It’s not your fault, Phil. Hell, it’s not _mine_ ,” Dan added, biting out the words as strongly as he could because it _wasn’t_. It wasn’t, and Dan wasn’t going to allow either of them to put that blame on themselves.

Even if a part of Dan’s brain _did_ want to him blame himself.

“I just didn't want to go to India on _Valentine’s Day_. I wanted to spend our first one together…” he said, his voice trailing off as he deflated, and he remembered what had caused this whole mess in the first place.

Dan was 18 for fucks sake, shouldn’t he be allowed to make his own decisions by now?

Phil made a soft wounded sound, and held Dan even tighter.

“You didn’t have to do that for me, Dan. It’s not like this is the only Valentine’s Day we’re ever going to have together,” he whispered, pressing his forehead tightly to Dan’s.

“No, but it’s our only _first_. I wanted to make it special…” Dan whispered back, eyes falling shut as he held Phil tighter. “It was going to be the first Valentine’s Day you spent with someone you actually love…” he added, because it was true.

In the hours and hours they’d talked since they’d officially gotten together, Phil had confessed that he’d never actually spent a Valentine’s Day with anyone he even _knew_. It had all been one night stands at singles parties he let his friends drag him too. Sometime in early January, before Dan had known the dates of his trip to India, Phil had mentioned being so excited to spend the holiday with someone he actually cared about.

And Dan’s parents were determined to take that away from him.

Warm, gentle hands found Dan’s face and cupped his cheeks. The soft, soothing motions of Phil’s thumbs rubbing away the tear tracks streaking down Dan’s face helped to relax him some, and he opened his eyes to find Phil peering at him.

“Dan, did you really think I ever cared about the actual _day?_ ” he asked, his breath warm as it fanned against Dan’s face. There was something sad about Phil’s voice that tugged at Dan’s heart strings. “I’m going to spend the rest of my _life_ with you if I have it my way. One Valentine’s Day wasn’t worth -”

“Don’t,” Dan interrupted him, voice hard and hoarse with a new wave of tears. He blinked, and felt them drip down his cheeks, but Dan didn’t care. He reached up to cup Phil’s hands with his own, and held on tight. “Don’t say that. _You_ are worth anything, Phil.”

His voice was fierce, and his eyes even fiercer, as he stared at Phil.

For a moment, they stayed like that. Phil’s eyes were wide, and he blinked rapidly a few times like he was trying to take in what Dan had said. It was clear Dan had taken him by surprise, and that only made Dan’s feeling of gravity even stronger.

He stared hard at Phil until he thought that Phil had gotten the message, and then he finally pulled away. His hands fell from Phil’s face, and landed softly in his lap, where Dan turned his gaze.

“Besides…” he mumbled, his shoulders slumping, “Waiting wouldn’t have changed their minds. It was never going to be any different.”

The reality of the words sent a new wave of solemnity over Dan. He hadn’t been lying when he’d said Phil would always be worth fighting for, even for something as simple as the chance to spend a money-based holiday with him, but that didn’t change how badly it hurt to know that nothing could have prevented this.

Shaking his head, Dan reached up and wiped his own tears away as silence fell between him and Phil.

Then -

“But I could have been there, too,” Phil murmured, reaching out to tip Dan’s chin up to face him. His face was gentle, kind, _understanding_ , in a way that made Dan’s lip tremble anew. He blinked back the never ending onslaught of tears, and nodded his head violently. “You didn’t have to do it alone.”

Maybe it was just the fact that Dan was feeling so fucking vulnerable today, or maybe it was just because it was _Phil_ , but Dan practically launched himself into Phil’s arms at the words. He couldn’t help the way his mouth sought out Phil’s, slotting their lips together passionately. The kiss was chaste but intense, their mouths moving against each others like they were made for each other.

All the while, Dan felt tears drip down his cheeks, and found himself crying harder at the way Phil reached up to swipe them away. The movement was tender, intimate in a way that Dan hadn’t quite expected, but it was good.

All those years of Phil having nothing but one night stands, and he had _this_ kind of love waiting inside of him, just trying to get out.

Dan was so lucky he was the one who got to experience it.

When they finally pulled apart, it was only for Dan to press his face into the crook of Phil’s neck and whisper, “Thank you.”

He’d never felt so entirely _loved_ , and though Dan knew it would be a long road towards self acceptance, for the first time in his life he felt like he might actually be okay with or without his parents acceptance.

For a long moment, they just sat there, Phil’s arms wrapped tight around Dan’s body, and Dan with his face pressed to the crook of Phil’s neck. Despite the overwhelming feeling of affection Dan had in that moment, there was still a deep tug in his chest that made the tears continue to fall, even when Dan thought he should be well and truly empty of them.

“You can stay here, you know,” Phil eventually offered, his voice soft and low.

Dan’s head jerked up at the familiar sounding words, mouth going a little bit dry in surprise. He blinked almost owlishly up at Phil. He shouldn’t have been so surprised that both mother and son would think so alike, and yet he _was_. Dan was absolutely floored by the Lester family kindness, and he couldn’t seem to hide it.

“I’ll talk to my mum, I’m sure she’ll be fine with it,” Phil added, brow furrowing as he stared down at Dan. He reached up and stroked a calming hand down Dan’s back, a move that confused Dan. “It’s going to be alright. She loves you,” he continued, voice a mix of hushed reassurance. “I’m sure if we just explain the situation to her, she won’t mind.”

It took a moment for Dan to realize _why_ Phil was talking to him like that, but when he did, he burst into laughter. He just couldn’t help himself. Phil thought Dan was worried that Katherine Lester would say _no_.

It was just so ridiculous how alike mother and son could be.

Maybe it wasn’t fair of Dan to laugh at Phil when Phil was just trying to reassure him, but he couldn’t help it. The Lesters really were all just saints.

“I know,” Dan eventually replied, still chuckling a little as he looked up at a very confused Phil. “You’re mum already offered actually. Well, demanded, really,” he added, shaking his head goodnaturedly.

“She did?” Phil asked, still confused.

Dan just rolled his eyes, and leaned in close to steal another quick kiss, sighing against Phil’s lips. There was a flutter of hope finally beginning to build in Dan’s chest, and for the first time that morning, Dan actually considered the fact that he might really be living with the Lesters.

And how wonderful a thought was that.

Shaking his head as he pulled back, Dan asked, “Did you really expect anything less of your mum?”

Mind clearly still reeling, Phil sat and thought about Dan’s question for a moment, before he finally shook his head with a small smile of his own. “No, I guess not really,” he agreed.

**

They ended up back in Phil’s bed an hour later, tucked against each other under the covers with the door closed and the curtain pulled all the way open to let the afternoon sun in. They were both fully dressed, and far too emotionally drained for any activities other than kissing and cuddling, but Dan didn’t mind. If the way Phil kept twining their fingers together and squeezing was any indication, Dan didn’t think Phil very much minded either.

Their legs were tangled as Dan burrowed into Phil’s chest, one hand held captive in Phil’s as Phil held Dan close.

The moment was soft, and intimate, and so comforting that Dan had even finally stopped crying. For the most part, he felt better, even though he knew it would be a long time before the sting of his parents rejection would cease to hurt.

“So,” Phil murmured, drawing Dan’s attention to him. “What are you going to do?” he asked, continuing their earlier conversation about Dan’s plans for the future, now that his parents had… well, kicked him out. “Do you want me to go down to Wokingham with you on Monday to pick up your things?” Phil asked.

“No,” Dan sighed, rolling over a little so he could stare up at Phil’s ceiling. While having Phil along with him would surely make Dan feel a little braver, he knew he needed to do this on his own.

“It’s okay, Phil. I think I need to do this on my own,” he explained gently, turning his head to stare into Phil’s concerned eyes. Dan managed to pull his fingers from Phil’s just long enough to reach up and cup his cheek gently. Phil’s hand followed his immediately, cupping Dan’s back. The feeling made Dan smile.

“But if it makes you feel any better, I think I’m going to wait until my parents have left for India before I go back,” he added, smiling when the reassurance caused Phil to noticeably relax. His eyes were closed, but his body had melted into the covers a little, and his hand didn’t feel like a death grip against Dan’s anymore.

Smiling affectionately, Dan leaned in and pressed a quick kiss to Phil’s forehead.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he said, and then, because he _could_ , added, “And then you’ll never be able to get rid of me.” His voice trailed off into a wicked impersonation of a horror movie villain, and he used the momentum he had over Phil to roll on top of him and pin him to his bed.

“You’re mine, Lester!” Dan crowed victoriously, and leaned in for a kiss.

Phil didn’t even try to fight back, but he did laugh, the sound coming deep from Phil’s abdomen, and so boisterous that Dan could do nothing but laugh too.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s finally here. Chapter 7! Thank you guys for being so patient with me while I worked on this. Writing has been a bit more of a struggle for me recently than normal, but I managed to crank this baby out (as well as an unedited, first draft of the epilogue!). For all intents and purposes, this story is technically finished. Chapter 8 is going to be an epilogue that I really think you guys will enjoy once I get that edited, but in the meantime, I really hope this thrilling conclusion! As always, thanks to @imnotinclinedtomaturity for helping me with this. She’s been my cheerleader since day 1, and the true reason I managed to finish this chapter. She is amazing.

The key stuck in the lock, the same way it always had, but for once, Dan didn’t even feel frustrated about it. Mostly he just felt resigned. There was a pit in the bottom of his stomach reminding him that this would likely be the last time he’d ever use the key, the last time he’d ever have to wiggle it to force it to turn in the lock. While there had been a time in Dan’s life when the prospect of never coming home had been a _positive_ one, now it just felt like an ending.

If Phil were here, he’d say that it was a necessary ending, that it was good that Dan was finally about to be free from his toxic relationship with his parents. But that’s not how it felt to Dan - at least not right then. He knew that by the time he was back at the Lesters, he’d probably feel relieved that the whole situation was over and done with, that he was finally free, and that he wouldn’t have to be afraid any longer.

Right now, though, he just felt like he was being suffocated.

Exhaling deeply, Dan steeled himself for what he needed to do, and jiggled his key in the lock until it turned and the door to his family home opened to him for the last time.

Dan didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but everything looking exactly the same as when he’d fled Thursday night hadn’t been it. The pictures were still on the walls, his mum’s shoes were still by the door, the kitchen was calm and quiet - and from what little Dan could see, showed no sign of the drama from the other night.

Some part of him had been hoping it would look the same way he felt inside - devastated.

But it didn’t. It was just as immaculate and put together as it always was. It didn’t feel pleasant though. It felt cold. Unaffected.

It had the same sense of finality that his father’s last text message had carried.

_Take your stuff and leave._

Dan supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

Not bothering to call out a greeting as he closed the door behind, Dan flipped the lock and walked further inside. He didn’t need to ask if anyone was home, because he knew no one was. The house was deathly silent, the lights were off, and despite the car in the driveway, it _felt_ deserted.

His mum, dad, and brother were all away in India on a family vacation that Dan was no longer a part of.

Not the family, nor the vacation.

He just needed to get his shit - the limited amount that he could carry with him - and get the fuck out of here. He didn't want to be here any longer than necessary.

Taking one last look around his empty lounge, Dan trudged up the stairs, staring at the floor to avoid looking at the family pictures on the wall. Part of him was afraid of what he’d find - his school pictures missing from their hooks, the photo of Adrian shoving birthday cake into Dan’s face gone, or empty hooks where their family photos had once lay.

Despite his fairly slow movements, Dan found himself at the upstairs landing before he was fully ready. The hallway was dark and the doors to all the rooms were closed, creating an eerie atmosphere in the house that Dan forced himself to push through.

He didn’t want to be here, in this house, any longer than he absolutely had too.

Dan flicked on the hallway light before continuing on his way to his bedroom. The brightness that flooded the area was a small relief to Dan, though he continued to keep his head down as he walked. He wasn’t sure how much of his old home he could continue to look at before he burst into tears. His bedroom was going to be difficult enough.

Dan took a deep breath and steeled himself. Before he could overthink it, he pushed open the door to his bedroom, and headed straight to his closet. His movements were more rushed now, and he kept his head down low as he grabbed things more from muscle memory than from actual sight.

He’d been planning this moment the entire train ride back, exactly what he’d grab and what’d he leave behind.

The hardest part was knowing that there were some things he was just not going to be able to fit, and briefly, Dan wondered what his parents would do with whatever he left behind. The thought made his chest ache, however, so he shook it away almost as soon as it arrived. Sighing, Dan pushed onwards, emptying his dresser drawers and tossing the clothing from his closet into a heap on the floor.

He needed to plan what he was going to take, especially since he wanted to conserve space in his luggage. Phil had suggested Dan roll up his clothing, so that was his current number one priority. Once he had his clothing packed, Dan could prioritize the rest of his belongings.

Unfortunately for Dan, he had _a lot_ of clothes. He watched as the pile in the middle of his floor steadily grew larger and larger, until finally he’d dragged the last jacket from his coat hanger, and tossed it on the floor.

Fuck, _fuck_. Dan couldn’t take all of this, not if he wanted to get at least _some_ of his games packed away as well. He had a few knick knacks that were really important to him, as well as the teddy bear from his grandmother that he was _determined_ to pack, and if he could make room for some of his CD’s, all the better.

 _Shoes._ Shit, why did Dan have to be so obsessed with shoes? How the fuck was he going to fit all… seven?... pairs in his luggage case? Did he even need them all? Dan bit his lip, and turned away from the giant pile in the middle of his floor to get his shoes and his luggage out of the closet. He’d have to pick and choose what he was going to keep later, but for right now Dan just needed to get started on packing.

His luggage turned out to be bigger than Dan had remembered, and as he pulled it, and his shoes, from his closet, he realized he might actually be able to take more to Phil’s then he’d thought. Unfortunately for Dan, he also realized that he had closer to _ten_ pairs of shoes, but a good four of them were old pairs he hadn’t worn since finishing high school, one of which was a pair of converses his ex had drawn all over at Dan’s behest. He was quick to chuck _those_ back into his closet, along with the other old shoes, and dithered over the remaining six.

Choosing what he needed - and _wanted_ \- to bring turned out to be a lot harder than Dan had been expecting. He plopped down on the floor with his suitcase unzipped next to him, staring at the mountain of possessions in front of him. Tossing the remaining six pairs of shoes off to the side, Dan got started on the necessities first - his clothing.

He meticulously rolled up his favorite pairs of jeans into a tight ball, and shoved them in the far end of his suitcase. Beside him, Dan made a pile of the rest of his jeans to sort through later. Then, he switched to sorting through his t-shirts, picking out the ones he wore the most often, as well as some of the… more flamboyant clothing Dan was still working up the courage to wear out of the house.

His boxers and his socks came next, with Dan only taking about half of each, and leaving the rest behind. A part of him was tempted to leave it all, partially for space, but mostly as an excuse to share Phil’s clothing, but he shook the thought away. Forcing Phil to share his underwear was probably a smidge _too_ clingy.

Finally, Dan got started on his warmer clothing. He sorted through his sweaters, jumpers, and jackets before finally settling on a select few that he absolutely loved. The disgusting banana colored jacket his ex had bought him ended up in his closet, as well as the brightly colored button ups she’d gifted Dan for Christmas in the hopes that he’d start dressing up more for her.

He never had, and he was glad to be rid of the clothes now. But more than that, he was just glad to have Phil - someone who’d never try to change him. Despite Phil’s teasing, he’d always done his best to respect his choices, both clothing and otherwise.

When Dan was finally finished packing the clothes he wanted to keep, he stumbled back to his feet and kicked the pile of his discarded clothing out of the way. He still had a few important things to pack before he even _looked_ at his shoes. Namely, Dan wanted to make sure he had room for his game and CD collection, as well as the teddy bear his grandmother had given him.

The clothing and shoes were practical. But those - those things were important. Once Dan was officially gone from this place, he knew he would still want at least some small pieces of what had gotten him through the first eighteen years of his life.

But when Dan finally stood up, his eyes caught on something that must have been sitting in the middle of his bed since he’d arrived.

A small white piece of paper with his name scrawled across it in familiar, messy handwriting - _Adrian’s._

The longer Dan stared at the paper, the more the already rushed beat of Dan’s heart increased.

Slowly, Dan took a few hesitant steps over to his bed, before hesitantly sitting down. He continued to stare at the ripped piece of paper, wishing it could just tell him what it said, instead of him having to turn it over and read it. He knew it couldn’t be anything _too_ bad after what his brother had said to him before he’d left early Friday morning, but that didn’t make actually _reading it_ any less terrifying.

Fingers shaking, Dan reached out and picked up the note. He didn’t have time to waste - he needed to just rip the bandaid off and get this over with so he could go back to packing.

_Dan,_

_I’m sorry our parents suck, but don’t worry about me. I’m always going to love you. And when I turn 18, you sure as hell know I’ll be right by your side_

_Adrian_

The note was short and succinct, just like Dan’s brother. While it wasn’t superfluous, or overly sappy, Dan could feel how much his brother loved him in his bones, and he felt a slow smile curl at his lips. The tense knot that had been in Dan’s stomach since he’d first arrived finally started to uncoil.

Things were going to be okay. And when Adrian turned 18, Dan would make _sure_ he had somewhere to go if their parents kicked him out, too. He’d leave Adrian a note, a reassurance that Dan would always be there for him, before he left today.

 _Just hang in there, Adrian_ , Dan thought, glancing at his bedroom doorway and feeling a wave of affection wash over him. The last person who’d walked through that door was his brother.

It felt good, knowing that someone who loved him had been the last person to see Dan’s things before he was gone.

Dan folded the small slip of paper up and slipped it into his pocket for safe keeping. Then, with a new sense of resolve, Dan turned and got back to work.

The teddy his grandmother had given him was tucked away in the corner of Dan’s bed, just under his pillow where no one would see it unless they shifted his things around. Dan pulled it from its hiding place, and placed it gently in his luggage, tucked up tightly against his clothing. Then he turned and went after his game collection next, sorting through the boxes until he’d picked out the few most important ones to him that he knew Phil didn’t have.

His CD collection was stored in Dan’s bedside table with his old walkman, so he grabbed the nostalgic bit of technology, and sorted through the admittedly massive CD collection for the ones with the most sentimental value. There were quite a few, more than Dan had been anticipating taking, but Dan gathered them up in his arms anyway, and took them, and his games, back over to his suitcase.

With more care than Dan usually took in packing, he worked to arrange the cases in the left over space at the bottom of his luggage, playing the best game of tetris he could in order to make it all fit.

By the time Dan was finally done, he found that he actually had enough room for a few pairs of shoes, and the few knick knacks that were lying around.

The first thing he did was reach for the box under his bed, where he kept the items he considered most important, or most embarrassing, to him. The old notes he’d passed in class with his ex-girlfriend were in there, but while Dan had no intention of bringing those along with him, he did intend to grab his journals: his dream journal, and the more private, personal one that held Dan’s innermost thoughts.

He was just glad that his parents weren’t generally nosy, and had never searched for it before. If they had, then surely they would have known just _how_ deep Dan’s resentment towards them really ran.The mere thought of his parents finding all of his hidden desires written down in a journal made Dan cringe in horror of what their reaction might have been.

Dan knew it wouldn’t have been understanding.

All his father cared about - had ever cared about, really - was controlling Dan’s life.

When Dan popped the lid off the box, however, the first thing he found was _not_ his old journals.

It _was_ just as personal, though.

On top of the books and the notes, was the vibrator that Dan had bought _ages_ ago in an attempt to get off when he wasn’t with Phil.

Fuck, Dan had forgotten all about it. He’d only ever used it that one time. It had felt nice, it just hadn’t been worth all of Dan’s time and effort. Staring at it now, however, Dan wasn’t sure what to do with it.

Did he take it with him to the Lesters, even though with Phil _right there_ Dan was unlikely to ever need it again? Using the toy with Phil might be hot, but what if Kath found it?

 _That_ idea was almost more terrifying than it was thrilling, though. Dan wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to look Kath in the eye again if she knew about their sex life anymore than she already did.

But if he didn’t take it with him, what was he supposed to do? Just leave it here for his parents to find?

Biting his bottom lip in discomfort, Dan picked the object up and carefully set it aside on the bed. His fingers fumbled around the remaining objects in the box to pull out his two journals, and he tossed them onto his luggage to sort out later.

Once the box was closed and shoved back under the bed, Dan awkwardly stared at the vibrator. It was such an embarrassing object to have in his possession, especially now that he was about to only be a _guest_ in someone else’s home. Sighing, Dan stood and plopped down onto the bed, causing the toy to roll into his leg.

He was going to need some advice on what the _hell_ he was supposed to do with a fucking _vibrating dildo._

Pulling out his phone, Dan snapped a quick picture of the toy, cheeks dark red in embarrassment, and sent it to Phil.

 **Dan (2:32):** i forgot i had this

It seemed to take forever for Phil to respond. Sat cross legged on his bed, Dan stared down at the device in his hands, _willing_ Phil to reply. When he finally did, it wasn’t _quite_ what Dan had been expecting.

 **Phil (2:39):** omg dan when did you buy that?

Shit, Dan hadn’t actually ever _told_ Phil about his embarrassing purchase. He’d kind of gotten so lost in experiencing _Phil_ that he’d nearly forgotten all about the disappointing orgasm he’d gotten with the toy. Cringing, Dan let out a soft groan before texting Phil back.

If he ever wanted to get any help dealing with the stupid thing, he was going to have to answer Phil’s question.

 **Dan (2:42):** uhm. after Halloween.

Phil’s reply was almost instantaneous.

 **Phil (2:43):** holy shit. Have you used it???

Biting his bottom lip, Dan quickly typed out a response before he could chicken out.

 **Dan (2:45):** … maybe

 **Dan (2:45)** : once

 **Dan (2:46)** : i was thinking of you

The texts flew from Dan’s fingers in quick succession as he confessed more than he’d intended to. He could feel his cheeks growing hotter with each passing second, and he nearly dropped his phone out of sheer embarrassment. God, why was this so awkward? It didn’t need to be, and yet it _was_.

 **Phil (2:48)** : ;)

The short response nearly made Dan’s heart stop. What the fuck was it even meant to mean? But before Dan could really panic about it, though, a second text came through.

 **Phil** : you should use it for me danny

Dan’s eyes went wide, and his cheeks blushed a darker red. What did that even mean? Surely Phil couldn’t mean...

 **Dan {2:50)** : What, like here? Now? Like send you a pic?

 **Phil (2:51)** : What? No!

The anxious, tense feeling in Dan’s stomach plummeted, but Dan wasn’t sure if it was from disappointment or not.

 **Phil (2:52):** I was thinking like, if you brought it back to manchester with you.

 **Phil (2:53)** : Although now that you’ve brought it up…

Dan’s breath caught in his throat as he waited for Phil to _ask_.

 **Phil (2:55)** : Would you want to?

Fuck, _fuck_ , would he want to? Something about the sudden angry swell of bees in Dan’s stomach was telling him _yes_ , and yet he found himself hesitating. Did he really want to do that? Turn on the toy and play with it, here, _now_ , in his parents house just after he’d been kicked out?

Did Dan _want_ to fuck himself on the dildo while Phil texted him dirty words, or better yet, called him and talked him through it? Did he want to leave a mess for his parents to find on his bedsheets, one final act of rebellion, one final reminder of who Dan was, before he went away?

Fuck yes. Fuck _yes_ he wanted to.

 **Dan (2:57):** call me

As soon as Dan pressed _send,_ he clambered off of his bed and undressed quickly, tossing his clothes haphazardly onto the floor. Chances were, this was going to get messy, and the last thing Dan needed was to soil his clothes. He hardly had any room in his case for _clean_ ones.

Besides, the thought of Dan’s parents walking into his bedroom, only to find his bed sheets covered in Dan’s _come_ was not something Dan could easily pass up. He found himself grinning at the mere thought.

Clambering onto the floor, Dan once again dug his old box out, and shifted through its contents to find the small bottle of lube he knew was in there. It took a few moments of shifting things around before he found it, but once he did, Dan threw it on the bed and promptly followed after.

No sooner than Dan’s bum hit the bed sheets, his phone started to ring, Phil’s name flashing across his screen.

Only it wasn’t a phone call.

Phil had done Dan one better.

Phil had _Skyped him_. On his phone. Meaning that they could _see_ each other.

It was something they both usually refrained from doing because it ate up their data, and it normally didn’t seem worth it.

Now, though… now it was worth it.

Because Dan’s parents were still paying his phone bill, he was going to take full advantage of what he had while he still had it.

Fuck, he’d use up every kilobyte of shared data by having Skype sex with Phil if possible. In fact, Dan _hoped_ his father got lost in fucking India, and ended up stranded with no data because Dan had used it all up fucking his boyfriend.

“Phil,” Dan sighed, relieved that Phil was calling so quickly. He could already feel his body stiffening with arousal, and that was just at the _thought_ of what was coming. Dan licked his lips as the image of Phil slowly loaded, excited for what was to come.

The grainy quality of Skype video was even worse over mobile, meaning it took a few more seconds than usual for Phil to come into focus. But when he did, Dan found that he was in much a similar state to Dan - bare chested, if not completely nude.

His face was cast in shadow, but it was clear that he was smirking as he stared at Dan.

“Dan,” he murmured back, his voice just this side of husky. Dan could see a smirk stretched across his features, and his eyebrows were raised suggestively as his eyes scanned down Dan’s bare body slowly. He licked his lips when he was done, and returned his gaze to Dan’s.

“I can’t believe you bought a dildo without telling me,” he teased, though he didn’t sound joking at all. Instead, he sounded like he was taking joy in the fact that Dan had gone out and bought a _sex toy_.

Dan’s cheeks heated up, but arousal was already coursing through his veins, shaking away some of the last vestiges of embarrassment Dan was feeling. He was far too turned on by the way Phil was looking at him to properly feel weird about his past purchase.

“Vibrator,” he corrected, voice coy. Dan lowered his gaze, and stared up at Phil from under his eye lashes, watching as Phil’s eyes widened and his mouth fell slightly open.

“Fuck, Dan,” Phil growled, looking positively _ecstatic_ at that additional piece of news. “A _vibrator_ ,” he added, sounding almost disbelieving. His pupils were completely blown, though, and he was biting his bottom lip as he stared at Dan.

He looked incredibly turned on.

Fuck, _fuck_. Dan’s cock swelled with arousal, and he felt himself grow properly hard. He was so weak for Phil _cursing_. His unoccupied hand slowly drifted between his legs, where Dan let his fingers trail lightly over the stiffness of his cock, unable to help himself.

But he didn’t take himself in hand. He didn’t even really stroke himself. He didn’t want to overstimulate himself, but he needed _something_. He just kind of touched his cock, fingers feather light along the skin, to give him some kind of sense that this was actually going to happen.

“Are you touching yourself right now?” Phil asked, sounding half surprised, half aroused. His eyes were sharp, and deadly focused on the slow movement of Dan’s body through the camera lens.

“Sort of,” Dan replied, his voice coming out breathy, eyes shy as he stared at a spot on Phil’s chin, rather than into the intensity of his eyes. Biting his lip, Dan said, “A little.”

Phil let out a soft groan, and shifted once more, finally pulling the phone back far enough from his face that Dan could make out his surroundings - and more of his naked torso.

Phil was in his bedroom, propped up against his headboard, his fringe pushed up in a quiff. The only thing that could have made the moment better would have been Phil’s glasses, but Dan wasn’t exactly about to complain when Phil was looking at him like _that_.

Reaching down further, Dan allowed himself to cup the base of his cock in his hand, eyes sliding closed at the wondrous feeling. He inhaled sharply, fingers squeezing just the _smallest_ bit, and exhaled just as sharply.

“God, that’s hot,” Phil muttered, shocking Dan’s eyes back open. He stared wide eyed at Phil, who, for all intents and purposes, was eye fucking Dan. “You look so good, already spinning out of control,” he added, his voice just this side of cheeky, teasing and so fucking _hot_ that Dan could practically feel Phil’s words burning against his skin. “Touching yourself just at the _thought_ of me working you through an orgasm. At the thought of using a _vibrator_ on yourself,” Phil added, his voice throaty, and so, _so_ fucking sexy that Dan couldn’t help the way a grunt punched its way out of his throat.

His fingers tightened involuntarily around the base of his cock, and Dan had to force himself to loosen them before he started properly stroking himself.

It was just that Dan hadn’t seen Phil like _this_ in a long time. Now, when he and Phil had sex, it was accompanied by a lot of the soft, sweet, _gentle_ touches Phil seemed to enjoy so much. Even when Phil was being rough with Dan, he always made sure to reassure him with little trails of his fingers against Dan’s body, a reminder that Phil _loved_ him.

Now, like this, over a camera with Phil so far away and unable to touch him, all Dan could think about was how hot Phil was. This was the raw fucking sex god Dan had met _months_ ago.

And it was a shock to Dan’s system. In a good way.

The low sound of Phil calling his name knocked Dan out of his thoughts - and his body. Blinking rapidly, Dan finally returned his gaze to Phil’s, and nodded his head to show that he was listening. Phil’s expression was less _sexy_ now, and a touch more worried.

“Do you really wanna do this, Dan?” Phil asked, frowning. “This isn’t just for me, is it?” he asked.

“No!” Dan shouted almost instantly in response, coloring as he realized how desperate he sounded. Phil raised an eyebrow in response, a slow smirk starting to quirk at the corners of his lips. Dan bit his lip, and shied away under Phil’s gaze again.

“No, I… I want this,” Dan continued, his eyes burning up the long column of Phil’s neck. He licked his lips, imagining himself licking _Phil_ , and felt himself twitch under the still rough pressure of his fingers.

“Are you sure?” Phil asked, though his pupils appeared blown, and he was biting his lip like he really hoped Dan was _sure_.

But Dan was _plenty_ sure.

Right then, he wanted nothing more than to get revenge on his parents. He wanted to leave something behind to show them that they couldn’t control him anymore, that he was his own man.

The kind of man who would fuck himself on a toy if he wanted to.

But more than he wanted to give his parents a metaphorical middle finger, Dan wanted to have sex with his boyfriend in his home just _once_ \- even if it _did_ mean having to do it over a phone call.

“Please,” Dan whispered with a desperate nod, gnawing at his bottom lip in pure desire as he waited for Phil to agree.

Finally, _finally_ , Phil did. He let out a soft groan, and started to shimmy on the bed. The image on Dan’s phone began to shake as Phil fumbled around, blurring into a million unfocused pixels, until it settled and Dan could see Phil wiggling out of his boxers.

The sight made Dan’s breath catch in his throat.

God, he’d never get tired of seeing Phil’s body like this: long and lithe and perfectly pale. As more and more of his lower body was exposed to Dan, he felt himself licking his lips, his eyes trailing up Phil’s thighs, anticipating the first beautiful swell of Phil’s cock.

When it finally sprang free, bouncing against Phil’s lower stomach, Dan couldn’t help but moan. His hand jostled against his dick, until Dan finally took pity on himself and reached down lower to play with his balls.

Phil’s cock was just so _big_.

Before Dan could truly get a good look, let alone his _fill_ , the image on his screen blurred again, stuttering against the vague image of Phil, before finally settling back on Phil’s face.

“No,” Dan whined, disappointed he’d only gotten such a short, quick flash of Phil’s beautiful cock. “I wanna see,” he complained, fingers shifting backwards, away from his balls, and into the small space where Dan knew he could find his prostate if he tried hard enough. His hands were itching to touch, but more than that, he was itching to see Phil.

Chuckling, Phil winked and slowly gave Dan what he wanted. Phil brought his phone down in front of his cock, and gave Dan a perfect, close up view of the flushed skin.

The head was a dark pink that almost perfectly matched the color of Phil’s lips, and was very obviously straining at Phil’s foreskin.

Dan let out a soft sigh at the sight, and allowed himself to lean backwards against his pillows, so he was all stretched out as well. The little tube of lube that he’d grabbed earlier was sat next to him, though the toy was further down by Dan’s calf.

He’d grab it later. When Phil asked him to.

After giving Dan another few long seconds to take in Phil’s cock, Phil finally moved his phone again until Dan was staring at his face once more. His expression was filled with lust, and his mouth was quirked up in a sexy smirk.

“Like what you see?” Phil asked, teasing.

Unable to form proper words, Dan merely nodded his head, biting the inside of his cheek as he worked to keep his hands from reaching down to fully stimulate himself. In fact, he drew both hands back and away from his body completely, suddenly desperate to take this at Phil’s pace, and not his own.

Phil looked so good like this, despite being so far away right now. The Skype connection wasn’t as good as Dan would have liked, and, even at its best, the video quality was always subpar compared to real life, but that didn’t stop Phil from being hot.

“Are you still touching yourself?” Phil asked, shuffling around, his arm moving in a way that made Dan think he’d reached for his cock. Or, at least, was teasing at his own skin and getting ready to do just that.

The small bit of Phil’s chest that Dan could see was bright red, flushed with arousal.

“No,” Dan replied, entranced by the sight in front of him. His breathing was becoming irregular, despite nothing _technically_ having happened yet, and Dan couldn’t imagine how hot this was going to be once it all properly began.

“No?” Phil asked, brows furrowed. His arm seemed to stop moving, and Dan finally dragged his eyes away from Phil’s shoulder, and to his face instead. “Why not?”

Exhaling sharply, Dan reached down to grasp at his thigh, rather than reaching to tease at the more sensitive parts of his body. “Wanted you to tell me what to do,” Dan admitted, his voice hoarse. He could only imagine what his face looked like. All Dan knew was that Phil had lit a fire underneath him, and all he wanted now was… _more_.

Phil gasped, clearly not having been expecting such a request, and Dan watched as Phil’s tongue darted out to lick at his lips. He swallowed audibly as he stared at Dan, his pupils appearing to constrict with desire.

The sight sent a new wave of arousal through Dan, who let out another soft moan and squeezing tighter at his leg.

“You want me to be in charge again?” Phil asked, his voice breathy with want. He licked his lips again, his body sloping further down his bed. The hand holding his phone shifted, so Dan could see more of his upper body, and the way his arm was beginning to move with a more rigorous motion, as if he were properly stroking himself now.

Dan couldn’t help wanting to know if he _was_ , but his attention was caught on the fact that Phil was getting turned on at the idea of being in charge of Dan.

“Please,” Dan whispered, throat dry. His eyes were wide, desperate, as he waited for _something_. Anything. Some kind of encouragement from Phil, or instruction that Dan could obey.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Phil cursed, sending another wave of heat crashing through Dan’s body. His nails dug into his thigh, and he groaned with his own desire to give himself more stimulation, but he held himself back. Phil hadn’t told him he could yet.

Phil’s arm had stilled again, and he was biting his bottom lip so hard Dan thought it might _bleed_.

It took a second, but Phil inhaled sharply, and slowly released his bottom lip, his eyes falling shut as he seemed to work to pull himself back together. When he looked at Dan again, his eyes were like molten heat.

“Alright.” Phil’s voice was almost hotter than his words as he growled them out, clearly on the edge of losing his composure. “Do you have lube?”

“Yeah,” Dan replied instantly, picking up the small tube with shaking fingers to show it to Phil. He could feel excitement drumming through his veins, making the moment feel even hotter, because this was _actually_ going to happen now, and Dan honestly couldn’t fucking wait.

Nodding, Phil looked away and instantly started shifting around, clearly looking for something of his own. Dan’s brow furrowed in confusion, and then Phil lifted up a bottle of lube to show off to Dan.

His expression was dark, and filled with lust, as he smirked at Dan.

“I’m going to stretch you open for me, Dan,” Phil whispered, his voice dripping with desire. “Get you ready to take my _cock_ ,” he added, the word wonderfully dirty, wonderfully _sinful_. Dan let out a load moan, and stared with wide eyes, waiting for Phil to tell him what to do.

Phil cocked a surprised eyebrow at Dan, but his smirk only grew darker.

“Good boy,” he whispered huskily, the praise sending a surge of euphoria through Dan. “Now slick up your fingers for me.”

Eager to comply, Dan fought with the lid of his own bottle of lube, panting as he worked to get it open and squirt its contents all over his fingers.

Some distant part of Dan’s brain told him he needed to get something to clean up with, or something to put over his fingers so he wouldn’t make a total disgusting mess of himself, but most of him just didn’t care. Whatever happened, happened, and he’d leave it as a mess for his parents to clean up when they got home.

“Sit up on your knees,” Phil ordered as soon as Dan was done slicking up his fingers. “Get the toy near. I don’t want you to have to move again unless I say so.”

Without hesitation, Dan dropped his phone on the bed in front of him and scrambled to get on his knees. However, once he was in position, Dan realized the major flaw in this plan: Phil couldn’t really see _him_ \- just his face, and part of his neck. Not the rest of his body, the way they _both_ wanted.

Face screwed up in consideration, Dan stared at Phil for a few more seconds as he tried to figure out what to do, noting the way Phil seemed to be recognizing the flaw as well, and made a hasty decision. Without waiting for permission, Dan picked his phone back up, and turned around.

Phil didn’t say a word, allowing Dan a moment of free reign as Dan worked out a way to make sure they could both see each other.

Moving so his bum faced the bedroom door, and his phone was near the headboard, Dan propped up a bunch of pillows against the wall, and balanced his phone on top. Watching himself in the tiny little screen at the bottom of the Skype call, Dan shifted backwards until he was almost fully on view for Phil, and then grabbed the vibrator from where it had rolled on the bed while Dan was shuffling around.

Sending Phil an anxious, unsure look, Dan waved the toy at the camera, and got back into the position Phil had asked of him. Hopefully, the moment of Dan directing himself wouldn’t ruin what Dan had asked for.

It took a moment for Phil to react at all. He stared at the camera for a long moment, unblinking, eyes narrowed, clearly waiting for something - probably the video to settle and load - but when he finally seemed to register Dan’s position and shy smile, he grinned proudly.

“Good boy,” Phil murmured, very clearly pleased.

Dan shivered in anticipation and arousal. He’d always enjoyed being praised - now was no exception. Holding back a soft whine, Dan stared up at Phil with pleading eyes, waiting another instruction.

Finally Phil gave it to him.

“Bend forward a little for me,” he murmured, watching closely as Dan complied.

Hunching his back forward, still on his knees, Dan thrust his bum backwards the way he knew Phil wanted. Arching his back just a bit more, Dan craned his neck up to stare at Phil, and waited for further instruction.

In that moment, he felt completely submissive. Controlled. And he absolutely loved it.

He could feel desire curling low in his belly, and his head was swimming with pleasure already. He wanted nothing more than to please Phil, to give him what he wanted, because Dan knew that Phil would do the same for him.

Phil’s glistening, slicked up hand moved into frame, then, obscuring his face a bit. It was disappointing until Phil started speaking again.

“I’m gonna press a finger inside of you, now,” Phil whispered huskily, his hand moving away from the lens as if he really were reaching behind Dan. Recognizing his cue, Dan reached behind himself, and pressed the tip of one finger to his rim. He bit his lip, and let his head hang forward at the soft feeling of teasing himself, but he did nothing more than press a finger to the edge of his rim, waiting for further cues from Phil.

“Do you feel me? Teasing you? Running my finger in circles around you?” Phil asked, voice low and seductive.

“Mmm,” Dan mumbled back, trying to focus on doing what Phil had said. Slowly, he rubbed the pad of his finger in circles around his rim, playing at the pucker of his hole, teasing himself the way he knew Phil would if he were here.

The sudden slow, slick sound of Phil’s wet hand making contact with skin startled Dan, who could just imagine Phil grasping his own cock in his hand, and he let out a gasp as his own finger jerked against himself.

“Yeah, I know how much you like that, Dan.” Phil breathed out the words, sounding far too knowing, far too _cocky_. “You look so good like this, Dan. I can feel your body waiting to suck me in…” he murmured seductively. Dan felt his body clench down around nothing as he continued to tease at himself, letting out small, needy gasps.

“Let me in, Dan,” Phil insisted softly. Letting out a loud groan, Dan did as he was told, and felt the sound shudder through him as Phil groaned too. His body clamped down around his finger, sucking it in the same way Phil had said it would, and Dan felt his cock twitch eagerly at the knowledge that Phil knew him so. fucking. well.

As Dan pressed in deeper, and further, pleasure wracked down his spine and pulsed through his cock, causing him to let out a low slew of whimpers.

“Fuck yes,” Phil gasped, the sound of his fingers moving beginning to grow louder, and fill Dan’s head. It took Dan a moment to realize that he’d closed his eyes, but when he did, he found he couldn’t even bring himself to open them. He was too overwhelmed by how _good_ he felt.

“Phil,” Dan moaned back, bliss wracking through him. Phil felt so good, fingering Dan open. The internet had once told Dan that prep didn’t always feel good, but _Phil_ always made it good. And he was making it good now - and Dan didn’t even have fingers pressed against his prostate yet.

“You feel so fucking good, Dan,” Phil groaned. When Dan managed to lift his head to look up at Phil, he found that his boyfriend’s eyes were half lidded, and he’d tossed his head back so that his adams apple was on full view.

Dan swallowed, his head falling forward again on instinct.

“That’s it, baby. Keep going. I’m going to pump my finger inside of you now. Are you ready?” Phil asked, after another moment, his breathing more shallow than before, his voice thick with lust.

Without hesitating, Dan nodded his head in agreement.

“Go ahead.” Phil said, giving Dan permission to properly start fucking himself.

Dan shifted his finger inside of himself, gasping out soft little “ah, ah, ah”’s into the open air of his bedroom as the slow drag burned a sense of absolute pleasure through him. Dan hoped that Phil could hear the noises he was making for him, because Phil deserved to know how he was making Dan feel.

If the way Phil was huffing out strained breaths was any indication, he _must_ be able to hear Dan. Or, at the very least, the show that Dan was putting on for Phil must have looked really fucking good.

“Touch yourself,” Phil grunted, gasping after just a moment. Dan could only imagine the way Phil was touching himself then, but he hesitated following the order, not sure exactly what Phil was asking for, until - “Touch your nipples,” Phil added, his voice coming out in stuttered, broken sounding gasps. “Wanna see you pinch them. Wanna see how rough you get with yourself,” he insisted, groaning as Dan reached up to do just that.

Immediately, Dan pinched one nipple between his fingers and twisted lightly. A moan tumbled from Dan’s lips at the feeling, and he jerked his hips backward against the finger inside of him.

“More,” Dan gasped, looking up with pleading eyes at Phil. “Give me more,” he begged, cupping his own chest and dragging his fingers up his over nipple and towards his collarbone. When he raked his hand back down, he used his fingernails, hissing and groaning at the wonderful feeling of the pain mixing with pleasure.

Dan hadn’t realized just how fucking much he’d enjoy pulling on his own nipples until he’d done it. His cock jerked against his thigh, hanging ramrod straight, flush and hard.

“You can take another one,” Phil allowed, conceding in such a way that Dan almost felt bad for asking, except that Phil’s heavy breathing made it obvious that was happening was turning him on.

Maybe the begging was enough control for Phil that he didn’t mind giving Dan what he asked for. Dan sure hoped so, because he wanted to explode with how fucking hot he felt all over, and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to refrain from begging for _more_.

Dragging his finger free from his body, Dan pressed the second one in alongside the first, and didn’t hesitate to start thrusting. Another moan fell from his lips as he arched his back, and he collapsed forward on the bed.

Dan hadn’t known _fingering himself_ could feel this good.

It definitely hadn’t when he’d done this last. If he had known what he was missing, maybe he would have tried harder.

“Sit up,” Phil growled after another moment of this, dragging Dan out of his pleasure filled haze and snapping his gaze to Phil’s. Phil was staring at him intensely, eyes narrowed, shrewd, _expectant_.

Spurred on by Phil’s stern, domineering look, Dan shoved himself upwards on the bed, until he was sat upright on his knees again, and scraped his nails back down his chest like Phil had asked earlier. He was desperate to please Phil, to try and keep up with his demands, because each small praise, each small moan, was making Dan’s veins feel like they were on fire. Not to mention that his nails on his nipples felt _heavenly_.

Vision foggy with pleasure, Dan did his best to maintain eye contact with Phil. The longer he stared, the better he could see Phil’s shoulder shake as he seemed to strain to stroke himself faster, and the sight of Dan turning Phil on, of pleasing Phil by following his directions, urged him on.

Dragging his nails back up his body once more, Dan found his other nipple and pinched it, tugging and pulling as he groaned and thrust his bum up and down on his fingers. He let his eyes fall shut again when Phil’s expression morphed from stern to pleased, and Dan let out a slew of gasps and moans as he fucked himself harder, faster, on his fingers.

“Stretch yourself,” Phil demanded after a moment of this, his voice raspy.

Without waiting a beat, Dan did as he was told, scissoring his fingers the way the internet had taught him, the way he’d felt Phil do it a thousand times over, the way Dan thought _Phil would have wanted him to_.

Pleasure prickled at Dan’s skin as heat begin to build in his stomach. He felt his balls tighten against his body as he stretched himself open, shifting his knees and spreading his legs further to give himself more room to move. His eyes fluttered closed, and his head hung forward as he worked himself, the hand currently playing with his nipple dropping away to press between his legs, to cup his balls, to hold them in place and squeeze lightly.

“No,” Phil growled, shocking Dan out of the moment. “I didn’t give you permission to do that.” Dan’s eyes shot wide open, and he looked up at Phil, whose arm had stopped moving. Dan felt his stomach drop.

“Only your chest,” Phil demanded, “Only touch your chest.” His words were shaky, his voice clearly wracked with pleasure, but stern enough to make Dan pull his hand away from his balls.

Anything to please Phil. _Anything_.

Doing his best to keep their gazes locked, Dan bit down on his lip and reached for his nipple again, forcefully tugging and twisting and pulling at the little nub in order to get pleasure to ricochet up and down his spine.

Nothing could compare to the way Dan felt when Phil whispered, “Good boy,” and nodded his head approvingly at him, though. Excitement and bliss rushed through Dan, and he finally allowed himself to close his eyes again.

“Another,” Phil finally grunted, and Dan pulled his fingers free from himself to press three to his rim and carefully push them inside.

The low moan that erupted from Dan’s mouth came from low in the pit of his stomach, and he nearly collapsed at the the stretch alone.

“Phii _iil_ ,” Dan keened, tipping forward and propping himself up on the bed again. HIs fingers came to a stop deep inside of himself as he bit his lip hard, and managed to lift his head just enough to look into his boyfriend's eyes. “Can’t. Please,” he gasped, trying to explain himself, trying to make Phil _understand_ why he was disobeying.

Thankfully, _thankfully_ , Phil did.

He nodded immediately, and offered Dan his first gentle smile of the evening.

“Okay, Dan,” he murmured, voice still husky but far more gentle, now, “That’s okay, Just like that. Fuck yourself for me,” he insisted.

Thankful for the reprieve, Dan did as he was instructed, head falling forward as he pulled his fingers out of himself bit by bit, and then pushed them back in slowly. A low groan pushed past his lips, followed by a moan of such deep pleasure that Dan’s entire body clenched down, and his cock shot out a dribble of precome.

“So fucking hot,” Phil whined, the slick sound of his hand changing in tempo until it was clear that he was really starting to work himself now.

Dan’s fingers followed in Phil’s footsteps, and Dan picked up the pace, even as his hand started to cramp up from the awkward position. The feeling burning through him was just so good, though, and the fact that Dan could hear Phil falling apart for him too, was enough to keep him going.

As Dan pressed deeper inside of himself, and begin to crook his fingers almost on instinct, he found himself brushing up against this prostate, and let out a high pitched whine of surprise, choking on the sound as his body stilled for a fraction of a moment.

“Found it, then?” Phil asked, his voice teasing.

Dan nodded his head furiously, but pulled his fingers back from the spot before he could feel tempted to touch it any more than he already had.

“Does it feel good?” Phil queried, voice dark.

Dan didn’t know what Phil wanted him to say, but Dan knew exactly how he felt.

“Don’t know,” he gasped out, jerking his hips back against his fingers, and starting to work them in and out of himself again. Opening his eyes, Dan worked to look up at Phil, and bit his lip. “Not touching it,” he groaned in explanation, hoping that Phil would understand. When Phil’s eyes widened, but he didn’t comment, Dan added, “Didn’t get permission.”

Phil let out a low whine at the words, and Dan watched through half lidded eyes as Phil threw his head back, neck straining as his arm seemed to begin working harder still at his cock. His mouth fell open as he let out another shocked groan, and a wave of pleasure washed over Dan that made him seize up with need. He could feel his cock pulsing desperately, could feel the heat building in his belly, but he wasn’t there - not yet. Not even close.

His body _wanted_ to be there, though.

“ _Fuck_ , Dan,” Phil growled once he’d seemed to get himself back under control. Dan’s entire body was shaking, and he was working to keep his eyes open, desperate to see every last second of Phil unraveling before him.

Phil’s eyes found Dan’s.

“Get the vibrator,” he demanded, his voice a low growl. “Wanna see you fuck yourself on it. Wanna see you fuck yourself on _me_ ,” he added, a low, primal sounding groan slipping past his lips as Phil’s body seemed to tense, and he froze, biting down hard on his bottom lip.

Dan watched, mesmerized, as Phil’s eyes dropped closed, and his face scrunched up in pain, as if he were preventing himself from _orgasming_.

Dan’s entire body jolted at the mere thought of it, and he let out a loud moan of his own as he jerked on his fingers, once, twice, and then pulled them free from his body. Phil had told him to, and the way he looked _now_ made Dan want nothing more than to give Phil everything he wanted.

Sitting up on his knees, Dan stared at Phil and forced himself to wait until Phil had gotten himself back under control. Blindly, he rubbed his fingers against his bedsheets, doing his best to clean them without once looking away from the pure ecstasy written all over Phil’s face.

It took a moment, but eventually, Phil’s eyes slowly drifted open, and he released his bottom lip with a soft little grunt.

His eyes were wild, dark with lust, as he stared at Dan.

“Wanna see how you react to a vibrator inside of you, pressed against your _prostate_ ,” Phil growled.

Dan’s hips jerked of their own volition, and he let out a loud cry of desperate desire, his hands already moving to scrabble at the bedsheets looking for that little bottle of lube he’d dropped somewhere earlier. With Phil staring at him, _waiting_ for him to do what had been asked, Dan didn’t want to waste another second.

He didn’t want to disappoint Phil.

When his fingers found it, Dan squeezed it tightly in his fist, and reached for the vibrator with his other hand. All the while, he could hear Phil making soft grunting noises, and when he glanced up, he found that Phil’s eyes were still clenched shut, and he looked to be holding himself back from letting go right then.

If Dan had to guess, he’d guess that Phil was no longer touching his cock.

Turning his attention back to himself, Dan fumbled at the cap on the tube, and, once he got it open, poured the contents messily over the toy. He didn’t care how much got on his bed sheets - in fact, Dan hoped _plenty_ did. All he really cared about at that point was using up every last bit of the bottle so he could leave it behind for his parents to see as well.

He wanted them to know that this wasn’t the first time Dan had taken something up his bum, and it wouldn’t be the last.

“That’s it,” Phil murmured, voice throaty and low. “Get it all nice and wet for me,” he added, making Dan let out a soft moan. All he could think about was Phil and his big cock buried deep inside of him, and how good it was going to feel when he got that back.

He’d had it less than twenty four hours ago, and he’d have it back - have it back _permanently_ \- by the end of the night, but _god_ did Dan miss it in that moment.

Dan needed to switch his focus to preparing the vibrator so he could put on a show for Phil, or else he was going to lose himself to the thought of Phil's real dick. He wanted this to be good, after all. He wanted it to be _hot_. He wanted to make the most of this moment _now_ because he didn’t know if they’d ever have skype sex again.

Dropping the tube as soon as it was empty, Dan worked to smooth the lube all over his toy, licking his lips as he moved, thinking of the way it looked when he prepped Phil’s cock for him instead. He could almost see it now, the way Phil’s cock would pulse in his hands, the smooth sight of latex stretched over his flushed skin… Or better yet, the way the his bare skin glistened that time that he’d taken Dan bare.

Shit, _fuck_. Dan’s legs shook at the thought, and he had to stop for a moment to catch his breath.

“Dan,” Phil grunted, dragging his attention back to Phil. Phil’s eyes were dark, demanding. “Put it in,” he ordered, strict and fierce. “Now.”

Shuddering from head to toe at the command, Dan moved to line the toy up with his puffy, waiting rim, and pressed it slowly inside of himself.

The feeling was… better than Dan remembered. The toy had little ridges along the sides that bumped against his walls deliciously, and the unyielding silicone felt better than Dan had been expecting it to. It was nothing compared to Phil’s cock, but it was _good_ , and when Dan finally bottomed out with a high pitched whine, he could feel his entire body trembling.

Sat back on his knees, Dan shifted forward a bit so the base of the toy was sat on the bed, and tensed his thighs as he got ready to work himself down on it.

He waited, though. He looked up at Phil with glassy eyes, and waited for further permission.

Phil’s gaze was hungry as he stared back at Dan, his arm moving into view as he reached for his hair and _tugged_ , like he wanted to tug on _Dan’s_ hair, a desperate groan ripping from his mouth. Dan’s breath caught in his throat at the sight.

“Turn it on,” Phil demanded. His voice was gravelly, and as Dan stared, he realized that Phil had laid down properly on his bed, now. His phone was hovering over his face, close enough that Dan could see nothing more than the expression there, but Dan couldn’t bring himself to complain.

Not when Phil looked on the brink of euphoria.

Fingers searching the bottom panel of the toy, Dan found the switch to power it up, and flicked it.

Instantly, vibrations wracked through his body, teasing at his rim and surging through the rest of him in a quick bursts of pleasure. Dan made a loud keening sound, and arched his body into the feeling, shifting his hips just enough that the toy found his prostate and _pressed_ there. The feeling sent another wave of euphoria through Dan, and he practically screamed at the feeling, his thighs beginning to work on their own accord.

“Yeah, baby. Just like that,” Phil groaned, but Dan was too far gone to wait for his permission anymore. All he could do was focus on the way his toy was taking him apart, focus on the tenseness on his thighs as he worked them to push him up and down, fucking himself down on his toy. His breathing was rapid, moans tumbling free from his mouth in an endless torrent as his back arched, and he threw his head back in pleasure.

“God, Dan,” he heard Phil whimper, the sudden sound of slick skin on skin filling the air as Phil worked himself over. “So beautiful. So fucking _sexy_.”

Dan gasped in response, and fucked his hips down harder, fingers scraping at his own hips as he worked to find something to hold onto that wasn’t the bed.

The only thing he could seem to focus on was the reminder that Phil wanted to see _all of him,_ so Dan kept himself propped up on his knees, eventually grasping at his thigh and digging his nails into the skin again.

The pain sent another lance of pleasure through Dan, and he felt his cock spurt out some more precum. Orgasm was beginning to build inside him, faster than the last time he’d tried to use this toy, but slower than when Phil fucked him. He could feel the tenseness in his belly, could feel the heat building slowly but surely, coiling inside him as it prepared to release.

“So good for me,” he heard Phil mutter. Another wave or desire seemed to crash into Dan at the words, and he whimpered, opening his eyes to find that Phil was staring intently at him. He smirked, when Dan looked at him, and said, “Getting me so close, Dan. Fucking me so well.”

Dan’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he finally collapsed forwards, unable to hold himself up any more. The change in position sent the toy plunging deeper into him, but even with the rocking of Dan’s hips, he couldn’t seem to work it in and out of himself anymore.

Braced on his elbows, cheek pressed to the bed so he could at least show his face to Phil, Dan couldn’t even try to reach behind himself to work the toy in and out.

“Ph _iiil_ ,” Dan cried out, shuddering as the toy pulsed inside of him. “Phil, Phil, Phil,” he whimpered, unable to form any other words, incognizant to what was around him.

The toy was pressed to his prostate, the vibration starting to take over Dan’s mind, staring to make him lose himself a little bit.

“Close,” he gasped, as he felt his balls clench tighter to his body, felt his cock start to strain for release.

“No,” Phil growled harshly, shocking Dan.

Dan’s eyes snapped open, and he stared, open mouthed, up at Phil. He wanted to beg. He wanted to _plead_. Anything to make Phil let him come.

But Phil shook his head.

“Wait for me,” he demanded, “Wanna come inside you first. Wanna make you _feel_ me,” he insisted, his voice a low, defiant growl. “Wanna push you over the edge when I come.” The very idea of it nearly sent Dan over the edge right then and there, but he clenched his fingers into this bedspread and held on tight, holding himself back from letting go, because Phil had said _no_. Dan’s body shuddered and he clenched hard around the toy.

He wanted to wait. He _needed_ to wait. He needed to see Phil come undone for him, he wanted to see Phil _let go_. Dan grit his teeth, and bared down on the vibrator, gasping harshly into the open air.

He stared up at his phone, at Phil, and the way his face was scrunched up in concentration. He tried to force himself to concentrate on the sounds Phil was making, to watch out for the tell tale sound of him coming so that Dan could come too.

It seemed to go on forever. Dan’s eyes were half shuddered, his brain turning to mush as he held on tight to the orgasm growing in his belly. He was too afraid to reach between his legs and tightly grab his dick the way Phil had probably done earlier to hold back his oragsm, because for _Dan_ that could mean losing the chance of orgasming entirely, and like hell was he risking that. So he waited, and he watched, listening to the sounds Phil was making on the other end of the phone, his arse clenching desperately around the toy.

Phil’s eyes screwed up, his jaw slackening, and he grunted out a quick, “Close,” that made Dan moan in anticipation.

Dan licked his lips, waiting, watching, desperate for the sight of Phil coming just from _looking_ at Dan, who was staring back, desperate for permission to let go. Dan watched as Phil’s face scrunched up, and his body tensed, and then Phil let loose a moan that was so loud, was so deep, that it could rival one of _Dan’s_. The image Dan was looking at abruptly disappeared, the screen going black as Phil seemed to drop his phone. If it weren’t for the slick sounds of Phil’s hand on his cock, the gutteral noises he was making, deep from his chest, Dan might have thought Phil had hung up.

But he could hear Phil coming, could hear his orgasm wash over him, could practically _feel_ the pleasure from when when Phil rutted into him during the last few seconds of fucking Dan. It was so, so much. Dan felt his own body tense up in undeniable _need_ ; he wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold back anymore

“Phil, Phil _please_ ,” Dan begged, canting his hips backwards against the toy, working it with his arse against the toy, trying to simulate _some_ kind of feeling of getting fucked, because Dan was too fucking weak to reach back and do it himself. “Can I come now?” he pleaded, lips pursed in a desperate pout, unfocused eyes staring at his phone screen, but unable to concentrate well enough to see Phil. He knew Phil could see _him_ though. “Wanna come on you. Wanna mark you up.”

Phil’s answering _yes_ was all that Dan needed.

The word was broken, disheveled, the same way Dan was sure that Phil looked, and it sent a crushing wave of bliss through Dan’s body. He felt his stomach unravel, felt orgasm wash through his bones as the vibrator continued to pound against his prostate, and he moaned loudly as he finally let loose.

Dan was too tired to prop himself up on his forearms as he came, and instead ground his cock into the bedsheets as cum sputtered from his body. It felt endless, bursting out of him, soaking the area under Dan’s stomach, his hips, his waist. He could feel his cock pulsing with it, exploding with it, as the rest of his body shuddered, his arse clenching down and around the toy, drawing it further in with every contraction.

Phil was murmuring something, something encouraging, it seemed from the tone of it, and it was all that Dan really needed to work himself through the last vestiges of his orgasm.

His entire body felt like it was on fire - in a good way - as Dan finally collapsed fully against the bed, his limbs turning to jello. He didn’t have any more strength to spend. He’d used it all up trying to hold back his orgasm, something Dan had once thought he’d _never_ have to do. But with Phil, Dan wanted to try everything, and he always knew Phil would find a way to make sure Dan came.

The feeling of the toy continuing to move inside of him was pleasant for a moment, pushing the feeling of bliss that little bit further, but the pleasure abruptly turned to overstimulation, and Dan couldn’t take it anymore. Doing his best to reach behind him without exerting too much effort, Dan securely grasped the toy, and pulled it free from his body. Before he dropped it to the bed, he fumbled with the button to shut it off, not even able to _listen_ to the vibrations he was so sensitive.

“Jesus,” Dan grumbled, once he’d finally managed to get his breathing back under control. The sound of Phil laughing crackled over the Skype call, but even that wasn’t enough to get Dan to open his eyes, much less look up, again.

He was far too fucking exhausted for that.

“Jesus is right,” Phil replied cheekily. “That was fucking _hot_ , Dan.”

If it weren’t for the way he was panting as well, Dan would have thought Phil was far too composed for the aftermath of sex like _that_ , but he was, so Dan forgave him. Rolling a bit, Dan worked to get himself out of the wet spot his orgasm had created, and pushed himself closer to his phone.

Arms weak, Dan reached for the device, and dragged it close to his face.

When he pried his eyes open, Dan found that Phil had rolled onto his side, and was staring at Dan with a look of pure contentment. A small smile was pulling at Phil’s lips, and his face - his entire _body_ \- looked more relaxed than Dan had seen it look all day.

“What,” Dan asked, confused by the intensity of Phil’s expression.

“Nothing,” Phil replied, shaking his head. His smile only seemed to grow warmer, though. “You’re just really fucking _amazing_ , Dan.”

Barking out a surprised little laugh, Dan shot back, “No, that’s you.”

Phil rolled his eyes, but otherwise didn’t comment. That was fine with Dan, though, as he was too tired to continue talking. He let his eyes fall shut again as he worked to calm himself back down, to let his breathing return to normal and his heart to stop _pounding_. His entire body still felt like it was thrumming with the vibrations of the toy, and his cock felt swollen but so fucking _good_ that Dan was tempted to reach down and touch it.

So he did. He wrapped his fingers around it carefully, and stroked one short, smooth movement up the length, letting out a soft moan in response.

“Having fun there?” Phil asked, teasing.

“Mmm… yeah,” Dan replied, letting his eyes flutter open to look at Phil. “But I’d rather be with you.”

“Yeah?” Phil asked, sounding pleased. His eyes were twinkling, and his cheeks looked a little more flushed than before. The sight made Dan’s heart beat that little bit faster.

Smiling, Dan reached forward and pressed his finger over the screen for just a moment, as if he were reaching out to touch Phil.

“Yeah,” he whispered sweetly. The sound Phil made in response was a hum, but it bordered on a giggle. Dan giggled a little as well, letting his hand drop away so he could just take in his fill of Phil’s face.

Phil looked so beautiful post coital. His face was flushed, his fringe shoved sideways on his head, almost like a quiff but not really thanks to all the sweat, and there was something so relaxed about his face that it was comforting. He just looked _good_ , and Dan only wished that he could lean in and kiss him just then.

Everything else about this moment was perfect. The space between them… was not.

Tonight. Dan would make sure to kiss him plenty tonight.

After a moment of them both staring intensely at each other, Phil cleared his throat.

“So what are you going to do with the toy?” he asked, quirking a brow.

For a moment, Dan considered it. Using it with Phil’s help had been a million times better than using it by himself, enough so that Dan was tempted to take it home with him. But there was another part of him that just wanted one last bit of revenge against his parents.

And what better way could he do that then by leaving the vibrator here, covered in lube and _Dan_.

Besides. He and Phil could always buy a new one.

“Same thing I’m going to do with these sheets,” Dan finally replied with a cheeky grin. “Leave it here.”

For a moment, Phil didn’t respond. He stared at Dan with wide, surprised eyes, gaping like a fish. But then his expression morphed into one of amusement, and he burst into laughter, shaking his head at Dan.

“You’re ridiculous,” he teased, but his voice was so fond that Dan knew Phil didn’t really mean it. “Now hurry up and come home.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always a great big overwhelming shoutout to @imnotinclinedtomaturity for every bit of help she’s given me along the way, for every second she’s spent on this with me, and for loving and encouraging me from the very beginning. You’re a very, very special person, and I’m glad that I have you.
> 
> Now, for final notes:
> 
> Thank you to everyone who came on this very long journey with me. What had started out as as simple idea, and a desire to write a oneshot about Dan being unable to orgasm, turned into a very emotional journey. Somehow I ended up exploring so much more than sex, and I did more research than I had ever anticipated for this fic. I explored the beginnings of Dan and Phil’s YouTube careers, and their encouragement of each other. I explored the budding of first love, and the feeling of being truly accepted. I explored the terror of trying to figure out what you want to do with your life, and I explored the dynamics of family, and sexuality, in a world where not everyone is going to accept you.
> 
> This story has now come to mean a lot to me. I joke and complain about it all the time (to anyone who's been forced to listen to that, I’m sorry, especially Kat), but I feel incredibly proud of myself for what I’ve done with this.
> 
> I hope that this ending will be as truly satisfying for you as it has been for me, and I hope to see you on my next journey.

**3 Months Later**

Dan collapsed onto the sofa the moment the door shut behind Phil’s family, his entire body giving way to the comfort of the soft cushions.. A loud sigh slipped past his lips as he curled onto his side, and buried his face against his arm. The relief from finally getting the chance to relax was making Dan feel almost _weightless_ , but his muscles continued to protest against the heavy lifting Dan had spent the day doing.

He’d forgotten how exhausting moving could be.

“You okay there, Dan?” Phil teased, laughing as made his way over to Dan, the sound of his feet scuffling across their new hardwood floor echoing around the near silence of their flat.

_Their_ flat.

As in, an apartment that he and Phil shared, _alone_.

Dan still couldn’t quite believe any of this was real.

“No _ooo_ ,” Dan whined, as Phil picked up his legs and plopped down on the sofa next to him. “‘M tired,” he complained, burying his head even further into his own arm as Phil situated Dan’s legs on top of his lap, and got himself comfortable on the sofa as well.

“Better get a quick power nap in, then,” Phil joked, “Cause we’re not nearly done yet. Just because my family finally left us alone and our furniture’s all set up, doesn’t mean we don’t still have boxes to unpack.”

Dan let out a loud groan in response rather than answering, and peeked out from under his arm to stare out at Phil.

“Can’t we do that tomorrow?” he wheedled, pouting at Phil. “P _weaaase_ , Phil. I’m so _tired_ ,” he added for good measure, and rolled onto his back so that he could sprawl his limbs out on either side of him like a starfish. Forcing his body to go limp, Dan let his eyes fall shut and his mouth go slack.

Phil laughed at him, reaching over and shaking Dan’s shoulder roughly in order to make him stop, until Dan groaned again and opened his eyes.

“But if we finish _now_ ,” Phil coaxed, “We won’t have to do it _later_. And then maybe we can try out our new bed,” he added coyly, the argument more enticing than Dan had anticipated it could be.

A thrill went through Dan at the mere idea of it, but it still wasn’t quite enough to persuade him to get up.

“ _Fiiiiine_ ,” Dan groaned, rolling onto his other side and shoving his face into the back of their new sofa. “But I’m not doing it _now_. I _just_ sat down,” he griped, wiggling his body on top of Phil’s for emphasis.

Phil chuckled at him again, and rested a hand against the back of Dan’s thigh, the touch just shy of ticklish.

“I wouldn’t call this sitting,” Phil needled, smacking his palm down against Dan’s thigh. The slap was just enough to jostle Dan, but it still sent a rush of arousal through him, who’d long since learned he liked it when Phil was a little bit rough. Dan let out a surprised yelp as he pulled his face back from the sofa cushions, and sent Phil a faux annoyed look.

“Hey!” he complained, and rolled once more, so that his bum was face up, and his cheek was squashed against the bottom of the sofa. Pushing his bum backwards, Dan wiggled it teasingly, and did his best to shoot Phil a sexy grin. “If you’re gonna smack something, smack this instead.”

Phil threw his head back against the sofa and let out a loud laugh, shaking his head at the suggestion. His eyes were twinkling when he looked back at Dan, his lips spread into a contagious, happy grin.

“Maybe later,” he promised, shoving Dan a little until he’d rolled onto his back. “But you have to get _up_ first! We have a home to make ours!” Phil cheered, gesturing wildly at the lounge they were sat in, and all the boxes sat around their floor.

Dan’s gaze automatically followed Phil’s movements, and he felt his stomach swoop at the sight, at the gentle reminder that _this_ … this was _his_ now.

For the first time in his life, Dan now had a place of his _own_ , and while the Lesters had been wonderful, nothing could compare to the feeling of knowing that _this_ was home. That _this_ was a place that he and Phil could make entirely their own, where they would create new, untainted memories, and chase their dreams. Together.

“Home,” Dan repeated softly, almost disbelieving, though he’d known this was coming for _weeks_ now. He let his eyes dart around the small, two bedroom flat, over to the sliding glass door leading to their balcony, and back to Phil, trying to settle into the knowledge that this was real.

This was _happening_.

And he and Phil were here now.

Letting out a bubbly giggle, Dan let his head fall back against the sofa, and closed his eyes.

Back in the middle of March, Kathryn and Nigel Lester had sat Dan and Phil down to have a serious talk about their future. At the time, Dan had been terrified they were going to insist that they both get real jobs, that they’d finally put their foot down on the video making, and the barely sustainable ad revenue coming from both Dan and Phil’s channels, but they hadn’t.

Instead, they’d offered to finance Dan and Phil a flat of their own. They’d said it was time for them to get a taste of what it was like to be an adult, that they needed a space of their own, and that Kath and Nigel were willing to support the two of them until they got on their feet.

A budget was offered, coupled with a monthly food stipend, and Dan and Phil were left to go flat hunting on their own.

Dan knew that if YouTube didn’t work out for either of them, they’d eventually _have_ to get real jobs so that they could start supporting themselves, but he was thankful for the opportunity Phil’s parents were giving them. He was thankful for the confidence that the Lesters had in their talent and drive.

He just hoped that in the end, they’d have something to show for it.

“I can’t believe this is ours,” Dan murmured, his eyes fluttering open. Phil was already staring at him, his expression fond, but the corners of his lips seemed to soften even more at Dan’s words.

“Me either,” he whispered, reaching out and placing a gentle hand on Dan’s abdomen. He stroked his fingers down a little, until he’d reached the hem of Dan’s shirt, and pushed it upwards, until Dan’s stomach was exposed to him.

Dan felt desire start to stir in his belly, and he stared up at Phil with his lips slightly parted. Phil merely grinned back, his expression turning mischievous.

“But it won’t feel like it if we don’t _get up_ and _unpack_ , Dan,” Phil suddenly shouted, his fingers finding Dan’s ribs and, rather than caressing the way Dan had been expecting, begin to dig in and _tickle_.

Shouting in surprise, Dan immediately begin to squirm under Phil, jerking his limbs away from his boyfriend as best as he could in an attempt to curl up in a ball.

“Ph _illl_!” Dan complained, uncontrollable laughter falling from his lips, “Stop! That’s not _fair_ ,” he whined, gasping for air as he fidgeted on the sofa, accidentally knocking a few of the throw pillows off in his attempts to evade Phil.

“I’m not stopping until you promise to get up,” Phil singsonged back, laughing himself as he dug his fingers in _harder_ , shoving them up under Dan’s arms and into his armpits.

Dan practically screamed at the new plan of attack, and shouted, “I give, I give!” voice breathless but no less powerful.

He hoped their neighbors didn’t already hate them.

Still laughing, Phil finally pulled his hands away, and straightened back up, leaving Dan to catch his breath and glare up at him.

“You’re the worst,” Dan groaned, reaching up to press a hand over his heart, where he could feel the poor muscle working far faster than it was used to - outside of sex, at least. Dan would have preferred it to be racing because of _that_ , though, to be honest.

Still, he was grinning, and not just because of the previous bout of tickling. Dan was grinning because even Phil tickling him couldn’t bring down Dan’s mood. Not when he was finally sat in his very own flat with his boyfriend sat next to him, staring at Dan like this was a normal, everyday occurance.

Considering they’d been long distance boyfriends for as very long time until the last few months, Dan could definitely say that it wasn’t. But he wanted it to be, and he couldn’t wait until it was.

As soon as he got his breathing back under control, however, Dan finally sat up, swinging his legs off of Phil’s lap and letting them fall back to the floor. Tossing Phil a teasing smile, Dan sunk backwards into the sofa cushions, a plan for revenge beginning to brew in his head.

“I feel like I deserve _some_ kind of reward for all the hard work I did today, though,” Dan said, pouting at Phil a little bit.

“Oh, is that right?” Phil asked teasingly, cocking an eyebrow at Dan. “And what might that be, hmm?” he added, patiently waiting for Dan to continue his thought.

Grinning, Dan shifted a little closer to Phil, closing some of the distance between them, but not all of it, and looked up at Phil from under dark lashes.

“Well, if you’re not going to let me take a _proper_ break…” he requested coyly, his voice trailing off suggestively.

Phil snorted, letting out another loud laugh and throwing his arm over Dan’s shoulder. “Is this what you want?” Phil asked, squeezing Dan close and dragging Dan into his side. He pressed a kiss to the top of Dan’s head with a loud smack. “Hmmm? Are you trying to get my attention, Howell?” he teased, pressing another two, three, _four_ kisses to the top of Dan’s head, his lips trailing down to Dan’s ear, but getting nowhere close to where Dan _really_ wanted them.

Pouting just a little, Dan turned his head so he was looking at Phil, and did his best to make himself smaller than Phil. He kept his shoulders hunched, his head lowered, and continued to stare up at Phil from under his eyelashes.

Phil was grinning at him, but as he took in Dan’s expression, the smile started to twist into something a little more heated.

Stifling a grin as Dan realized he had Phil exactly where he wanted him, Dan reached up and pressed the palm of on hand against the side of Phil’s face. “Not exactly,” he whispered, tracing his fingers against the delicate bit of skin as he leaned in closer, until their breaths mingled together and Dan could see the way Phil’s pupils had marginally started to widen. “I was thinking more of something like _this_ ,” Dan murmured, brushing his lips over Phil’s once, twice, _three times_ , before finally giving in and pressing their mouths properly together.

Phil exhaled sharply at the contact, and his mouth opened automatically to Dan’s. His head tilted to give Dan better access, his nose skimming just over the side of Dan’s as he did so, his mouth yielding to Dan.

Taking advantage of the moment, Dan used his power to press in close to Phil, sucking at his bottom lip and teasing over the plump skin with the tip of his tongue. His free hand came up to tangle in Phil’s t-shirt, while the other slid from Phil’s cheek to wind itself into Phil’s hair.

Dan tugged gently on both, just to get the satisfaction of Phil gasping into his mouth, and slipped his tongue between Phil’s lips to lick alongside Phil’s.

The moment was passionate, _hot_ , but Dan was still in control, holding them both back from falling entirely. Phil was starting to touch Dan a little more fervently - but he wasn’t quite as worked up as Dan wanted him to be.

They were going to do some unpacking today, for sure. And probably before they had sex. But first, Dan wanted a little bit of revenge.

Phil had taken advantage of Dan’s weakness by tickling him, so now Dan was going to take advantage of Phil’s weakness by getting him all worked up with no intention of taking it any farther until _later_.

Grinning mischievously against Phil’s mouth, Dan bunched his fingers up tighter in Phil’s shirt, and tugged a little sharper. Phil made a confused sound against Dan’s mouth, and attempted to pull away, but Dan kept Phil in place with the hand he had tangled in Phil’s hair. Tilting his head a little more, Dan pressed in deeper to Phil’s mouth until Phil had relaxed against him once more.

Then, Dan pushed his weight forward, and _shoved_ against Phil’s chest, sending them both tumbling backwards against the sofa. Phil gasped against Dan’s mouth, his hands scrabbling for purchase against Dan’s back as he fell, his head falling just short of the armrest. Dan fell with him, giggling into the kiss and pulling back just far enough that Dan could breath.

Their chests collided as Dan shifted so he was straddling Phil’s thighs and resting both hands on either side of Phil’s head, effectively trapping him in place.

“Dan!” Phil complained, eyes wide as he stared up at Dan in shock.

Dan just laughed, and whispered, “Got you where I want you _now_ ,” his voice breathy and high pitched. Before Phil could reply, Dan leaned back in, and stole another kiss from his boyfriend, pressing his tongue back into Phil’s mouth and kissing him breathless.

His hips found Phil’s, and Dan ground them together lightly - not enough to give any real sense of friction, but enough to tease. Phil’s hands flew to Dan’s hips in retaliation, fingers gripping on tight and squeezing along the bone as he moved up, pushing under Dan’s shirt _just a little bit_. His tongue pressed back against Dan’s hotly, until _he_ was the one kissing Dan thoroughly, until _he_ was the one in charge.

Dan couldn’t find it in himself to complain.

Phil just felt so good, his hands caressing the skin of Dan’s stomach, tense and hot and _so fucking good_. Dan’s body felt like it was on fire everywhere Phil’s fingers touched, and unlike before, Dan didn’t feel ticklish anymore. He just felt _aroused_.

He opened his mouth further to Phil, tilting his head to let him in, and succumbing to the sensation of Phil kissing the living hell out of him. Phil was always so good at this, always knew exactly how to take Dan apart, and while Dan had meant for this to be _revenge_ , he didn’t even care anymore.

He just wanted _Phil_.

Just as Dan was reaching down to push his own hands up under Phil’s shirt, however, Phil suddenly stopped.

“Wait!” Phil gasped, abruptly pulling away.

Shocked, Dan drew back and stared down at Phil in confusion. Had he done something wrong?

“What?” he asked, voice a little breathless.

But Phil didn’t answer. Instead, he shimmied out from under Dan, untangling their bodies until Dan had enough sense to help him out and climb off of him.

“Phil?” Dan asked, as Phil finally stood up. He turned and held up a single finger, as if to say, “hold on a minute.”

So Dan did. Not very patiently, though.

Phil’s expression was confusing, and too difficult for Dan to puzzle out - almost determined, and focused on something _other_ than the fooling around the two of them had just been doing. He made his way over to the breakfast bar that separated the lounge from the kitchen and found a pile of what Dan had _thought_ was trash. As he peered closer, he started to realize that whatever Phil was sorting through must be _mail_. All he could think was that Kath must have grabbed it for them from the Lester family home when she’d left around noon to pick up some pizza for lunch.

Growing even more confused, Dan waited for Phil to explain what was going on, and startled again at the bright “ah ha!” Phil shouted as he grabbed what he’d been looking for. He didn’t waste any time rushing back to Dan’s side, and before Dan could ask _again_ what was going on, Phil dropped a rather thick envelope into Dan’s lap.

Eyes wide, Dan turned to look at what he’d been given, and nearly felt his heart beat right out of his chest.

It was a letter - or, rather, something that bordered on a _package_ \- from the University of Manchester. The exact piece of mail that Dan had been waiting _weeks_ for.

In early December, Dan had applied to multiple schools for university, but he’d concentrated his efforts on the University of Manchester. In fact, Dan had submitted _three_ different applications to the school, all for different majors. The first had been law, as his father had demanded, but Dan had secretly send in two others as well: a relatively safe option of a degree in literature, and the other… in Media studies - the one career Dan _actually_ wanted to pursue.

And now, the answer he’d been waiting for was finally here in an almost too thick envelope that either could have been an acceptance letter, or three rejection letters.

All Dan could do was hope that it was the former, because he wasn’t sure his heart could take the devastation of not getting into the one school - the one _program_ \- he’d wanted more than anything - especially now that he was actually _living_ in Manchester _with Phil_.

“It arrived this morning,” Phil explained after a moment. “Mum said she saw it when she popped back home earlier, but she thought you might want to open it alone later, so she made me promise not to mention it.”

Dan’s hands shook as he turned the thick envelope over, and stared blankly at the seal.

“She thought it looked pretty promising, but… well, she knows how much this means to you,” Phil added, his voice going a little softer, a little less excited, as he seemed to register the terror clear as day on Dan’s face.

Slowly, Dan turned to look at Phil. He was biting his lip as he handed the envelope back over to him.

“What if it says no?” Dan asked, his voice trembling. “What if I didn’t get in?” He could feel all of his doubts clawing at his mind, slowly seeping in and destroying every bit of confidence Dan had come to build up in the last few months with the Lester family. “What then?” he asked, desperate for some kind of reassurance.

The look Phil gave him was half sympathetic, half _sad_ , and Dan bit his lip against another anxious spill of terrified words.

Fisting the envelope a little more securely in his hands, Phil dropped the large package down onto their new coffee table - and god, did Dan wish that Phil hadn’t shown him it just yet. Dan wasn’t ready to stop being happy about their new apartment, and their new things, and the new life they were starting together. He wasn’t ready for the teasing, and the joy, to stop just yet. If he didn’t get in, he knew his mood would come crashing down.

But now that the envelope was _right there_ , Dan couldn’t savor all those happy feelings anymore. Not when he was feeling this anxious.

Gently, Phil reached out and took Dan’s hands in his.

“Then we’ll deal with it together,” Phil promised him. “You don’t have to get a degree to make it in life, you know. That’s just bullshit your father brainwashed you to think,” he said, voice soft and reassuring. His fingers stroked gentle patterns over the back of Dan’s hand. “But you… well, to begin with, you have _me_ , but also… you have YouTube. And I know neither of us can really know if that’s going to pan out, but Dan…” Phil trailed off, and reached up to cup Dan’s cheek, a soft smile on his face.

Dan let his eyes fall closed and nuzzled into the gentle touch.

“You never know if you don’t try.” Phil’s voice was soft, encouraging. “And you’ll never know if you got in if you don’t open that envelope.”

Dan knew that Phil was right. He had to take a leap of faith, the same way he’d taken the leap for Phil the first time he’d bought train tickets to see him. He’d taken the leap when he’d told his parents about his relationship with Phil, as well, so what did he really have to lose?

So far, everything had worked out for the better, even though just a few months ago everything had felt like it was falling apart.

Whatever happened now… it would all be fine in the end.

Opening his eyes, Dan risked looking up at Phil, whose eyes were alight with an excitement and hope that Dan _wished_ he could hold onto, too. Deciding that he _could_ , Dan used Phil’s confidence to open the _damn envelope_.

So Dan let go of Phil’s hands, and he reached over to the coffee table where Phil had placed the letter, and he picked it up tentatively. Dan’s hands were still trembling, but there was a new sense of determination in him as he flipped it back over for a second time, and tore at the seal.

Inside was what _appeared_ to be a course booklet, if the thick, glossy pages were anything to go by, but Dan _refused_ to take a proper look out of fear that it would be a course book about _law_. Instead, he dragged everything out of the envelope in one huge pile, and forced himself to stare at the first page sat in front of him.

It was a pristine letter with the _University of Manchester_ printed across the top, and small print that Dan was too nervous to properly read just then. He could feel his heart racing, and his hands were shaking, and Dan knew, he just _knew_ that he’d got accepted _somewhere._ He just wasn't sure for _what_.

What major was he about to subject himself too for the next three years? Hopefully not law.

“Well?” Phil asked, probing Dan gently. Dan’s gaze snapped up, and he turned to look at Phil, whose smile was soft and encouraging. “Read it.”

Swallowing thickly, Dan turned back to the stack of paper in his hands, and he forced himself to read the tiny print.

_Dear Mr. Howell,_

_We are sorry to inform you that your application to study Literature at the University of Manchester has been rejected…_

Dan exhaled sharply, the words crashing into him, and providing him no sense of relief. His safety program was a no go, which only left two options: Dan’s worst nightmare, and what felt like an impossible dream.

The very thought of the course booklet being for _law_ made Dan’s stomach turn.

If he got accepted to Law… well Dan would sooner became a stripper than go through with the program.

His father wasn’t going to dictate his life anymore.

And besides. There was always next year.

Gathering up one last surge of courage, Dan tore the first letter away, and forced himself to read the words of the second.

_Dear Mr. Howell,_

_We are sorry to inform you that your application to study Law at the University of Manchester has been rejected…_

It was another rejection… to Dan’s application to study Law.

“Dan?” Phil asked, but Dan wasn’t listening. His heart was racing in his chest, his hands shaking even harder as he scrambled to toss the second letter aside. He nearly gave himself a paper cut in his haste to get rid of it, but Dan didn’t care, because if he was right -

If he was right, then the third letter was an acceptance letter to Dan’s application to study Media Studies at the University of Manchester, and the thin booklet hiding underneath was a course outline to what he’d signed up to studyl.

_Dear Mr. Howell,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been admitted to the Media Studies program at the University of Manchester starting in Fall 2011. Included you will find…_

But Dan wasn’t reading anymore. The moment the first sentence managed to sink into Dan’s head, he dropped everything he was holding, and turned to throw himself at Phil. He didn’t care that Phil didn’t know what was going on, didn’t care that he needed to explain. All he cared about was holding onto Phil and never letting go - because if it hadn’t been for Phil’s encouragement, Dan never would have had the guts to apply for his dream program the first place.

Laughing from relief, Dan tackled Phil back to the sofa, wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck and barely managing to cling on before they were both lying flat on the sofa, but Dan didn’t care. He was too busy seeking Phil’s mouth with his own, laughing against the pale skin of Phil’s chin when he missed, and gasping into his mouth as soon as he found it.

Dan was smiling. And he couldn’t _stop_ smiling. It was making it difficult to kiss Phil, but neither of them seemed to care. Phil was laughing against Dan, clearly able to tell from his reaction that whatever he’d received was _good news_ , and while Dan was sure Phil would ask a million questions later today, Dan couldn’t currently bring himself to care.

“Come here,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s lips, drawing back and fisting his fingers into Phil’s shirt to take him with him. Phil scrambled to follow Dan back into an almost sitting position, a matching grin of his own starting to curl at the edges of his lips.

Not wasting a beat, Dan reached down and shoved his fingers under the hem of Phil’s shirt, tearing it over Phil’s head as quickly as he could. In his impatience, Dan forget to take into account Phil’s _head_ and his _ears_ , so rather than the shirt pulling free the way Dan had been hoping, it got itself tangled against Phil’s nose.

“D _aaan_ ,” Phil whined, his voice muffled by his shirt, but filled with so much _amusement_ that Dan could hear it. Phil was laughing, pushing himself up more so that he was actually sitting, and he could reach up to help Dan pull the shirt free from his face. Dan’s hands met Phil’s as they both worked to get it free, but while Phil’s hands were steady, Dan’s were shaky and impatient.

Rather than being any help at all, Dan only seemed to make the situation worse, and he found himself groaning in frustration as the happiness, the _excitement_ , began to coalesce into a desperate need to fuck his boyfriend.

“ _Daaan_ , stop!” Phil complained, though the words were tempered by his laughter.

“Okay, okay!” Dan complied, letting Phil go and sitting back on Phil’s thighs so Phil could work on his shirt himself. Anything to get it off _faster_.

Once the fabric was free, however, Dan snatched it out of Phil’s hands and threw it behind him, not bothering to watch where it landed. He wouldn’t even have to remember to pick it up later, because this apartment was _his_. No one was going to question a discarded t-shirt on the floor.

Mouth instantly finding Phil’s again, Dan tangled his fingers into Phil’s hair, and did his best to kiss the fuck out of him. Phil was still laughing, something that Dan thought needed to stop sooner rather than later - and what better way to make him shut up than kissing him. Dan could feel his own body filling with the desperate want, the desperate _need,_ to be with Phil - and the faster Phil got on board with that, the better.

Before Dan could send them both tumbling back down onto the sofa, however, Phil’s hands dug into Dan’s messy hair, and he tugged gently.

Dan let out a surprised moan, and let his eyes fall shut at the sensation. His hands fell from Phil’s hair, and clenched tightly to his bare shoulders instead.

“So, good news, then?” Phil asked, leaning in to press a hot kiss to the side of Dan’s neck.

_“Yes_ ,” he gasped in turn, tossing his head back in silent offering for Phil. Phil was quick to take it, peppering his mouth up and down the long column of Dan’s neck, biting gently and sucking at a thin bit of skin near Dan’s collarbone. Dan moaned, writhing on top of Phil, his fingers tightening on his shoulders.

“Media studies?” Phil mumbled between messy kisses, his hands running up and down the clothed planes of Dan’s back. He pressed his hands up underneath the hem of his shirt, and managed to yank it over Dan’s head, before returning to peppering his neck in kisses. His nails dug in against Dan’s back, drawing harsh lines down the delicate skin, causing Dan to gasp and groan.

“ _Yes_ ,” Dan gasped again, finally releasing Phil’s shoulders in a desperate attempt to move them both along a little faster. He shoved his hands between their bodies, sending Phil careening back against the sofa, and fumbled at the button of Phil’s jeans.

“Guess we really do have to celebrate now, then, don’t we?” Phil gasped, watching with heady eyes as Dan worked at his jeans.

Groaning, Dan nodded his head furiously. “Gotta get these… fucking _pants_ off,” he complained, jamming his fingers under Phil’s waistband as his other hand continued to pry at the stubborn button. Phil was laughing at Dan’s impatience, his amusement only seeming to increase when Dan _finally_ got the button to pop free, but Dan ignored Phil’s laughter. Instead, he reached for the zipper of Phil’s jeans, and _yanked_ it down.

Only it didn’t work, and Phil _yelped_ , jerked away from Dan.

“Careful! My dick is _right there_!” he complained, finally no longer laughing as he swatted Dan’s hands away from his crotch. Reaching for his own zipper, Phil pulled it down far more carefully than Dan had, and finally seemed to sober up. His eyes were a little darker, filled with more of the lust that Dan wanted to see as he reached to shove his fingers under the waistband of his own jeans and pants in order to shove them down his legs.

Slower than Dan would have liked, Phil shoved both articles of clothing down his legs, beginning to reveal the soft, pale skin Dan had come to know and love. Licking his lips, Dan watched with lust filled eyes as Phil wiggled his arse on the sofa until he’d managed to drag his clothes almost all the way off.

Phil’s cock sprang free, thick and red and beginning to stiffen with arousal.

Dan would never tire of seeing the sight.

Finally, _finally_ , Dan had the sense of mind to climb off of Phil so that Phil could kick his jeans and pants all the way off. Once he was on his own feet, Dan started to make quick work of his own remaining clothing.

Or at least, he tried to.

His hands were shaking too hard for him to have any more luck with his own button than he had with Phil’s, but once it popped free, he was quick to pull his zipper down. Then he just had to fight with the tight constraints of his dark skinny jeans, fumbling his way out of them at the same time as his pants, until both were free.

As Dan straightened back up, he realized that Phil was watching him with hungry eyes, finally seeming to be just as into this as Dan was. Phil’s hand was fisted lazily over his own cock, and he was staring at Dan’s cock as if he wanted to eat it.

A part of Dan was tempted to give into that desire, but both he and Phil knew that a blowjob wasn’t going to be get him off. It was never going to be enough, and while Dan still enjoyed them from time to time, he didn’t feel like spending hours afterwards trying to work himself up to orgasm.

So instead, Dan stepped forward and went to climb back over Phil. Before Dan could so much as swing one leg over Phil’s hip, and climb onto the sofa, however, Phil put one hand up to stop him.

“Lube,” Phil insisted, eyes wide. “And a condom. And a glove, just in case.”

Always the practical one.

Dan let out a loud groan at the reminder that they needed certain supplies if they were going to do this, especially when Dan hadn’t exactly gone to any special lengths to make sure he was cleaned up, but obediently went searching for the black backpack Dan had stored all of their... personal items in earlier that morning.

He couldn’t remember exactly where he’d stashed it, only that he hadn’t wanted Martyn, Nigel or Kath to find it and go looking for any reason, which meant he’d most likely shoved it into a cupboard or a box somewhere…

It was probably in a cupboard, so Dan headed straight for the kitchen, and started flinging open the cabinets. He started with the ones behind the breakfast bar, and then moved to the ones under the sink, before finally getting lucky with the one just underneath the cutting board.

Exclaiming happily, Dan pulled his backpack free, and quickly dug through it for the contents he needed.

“God, I love your arse,” Phil called from behind him. Head jerking up, Dan looked over his shoulder, only to find Phil staring at him from over the edge of the sofa. His hair was mused from Dan playing with it earlier, and his lips were kiss swollen.

His eyes were wide with lust.

“Shut up,” Dan complained half-heartedly, blushing as he turned to get back to his task at hand. He couldn’t deny that the compliment had made his cock pulse between his legs, however, and Dan was tempted to reach down and tease along it with feather light touches - but he didn’t. Instead, he continued searching for what he needed, and once he’d managed to grab hold of them, rushed back to Phil’s side.

He shouldn’t have been surprised by Phil’s position as he dropped all their supplies onto the ground next to them.

Phil’s hand was still wrapped leisurely around his cock, but he was pulling his foreskin up and down now in short strokes, thumb stroking over the tip every other upstroke. He was biting his bottom lip, and his eyes were heavy lidded as he very obviously checked Dan out.

As soon as he realized that Dan was looking, Phil smirked.

“Finally back to join the fun?” he teased, his grin dark and taunting.

“Bastard,” Dan growled, climbing back on top of Phil. “You got started without me,” he complained, swatting Phil’s hands out of the way as he shifted forward so he was sitting, hovering over Phil’s cock, effectively preventing Phil from reaching for it again.

“Couldn’t help it,” Phil admitted, reaching to trail his hands up Dan’s chest. “Like your arse,” he explained, pinching one of Dan’s nipples between his fingers. Dan groaned at the contact, and finally leaned down to press his lips back to Phil’s mouth.

“And I like your dick,” Dan mumbled against Phil’s lips, “So fuck me already.”

“With pleasure,” Phil gasped as Dan finally kissed him again, tangling their tongues together passionately. Dan’s hands found Phil’s shoulders as he held on tight, their chests pressed roughly together. Dan’s cock ground against Phil’s stomach with each tiny roll of Dan’s hips, and Phil’s hands urged him, coaxing Dan into a slow, undulating rhythm on top of him.

Dan panted into Phil’s mouth, and groaned as the friction seemed to grow hotter and bolder. Eventually, Dan couldn’t take it anymore, and he dragged his mouth from Phil’s to instead draw it down the raw, rough side of Phil’s cheek where day-old stubble was growing. Nibbling and biting down hard on the skin, Dan kept the slow, tormenting motion of his hips going despite wanting _more_.

“Phil,” Dan gasped after another moment of the subtle grinding. “Please,” he begged, and sucked a dark mark into the pale expanse just under Phil’s chin, pleased Phil’s parents would no longer be around to tease them for it.

Nodding his head against Dan’s ministrations, Phil shifted to reach for the lube and the glove Dan had dropped on the floor. All the while, Dan continued to kiss down Phil’s neck, biting into sensitive skin, and enjoying the way it made Phil groan in quiet pleasure. He could see Phil’s fingers fumbling for the supplies he wanted, and even once he’d grabbed hold of them, Phil seemed too out of control to move easily.

Dan loved it.

The loud sound of a glove snapping into place echoed between them, and then Phil was fumbling with the cap of the lube.

“Fu _uck_ ,” Phil groaned, as Dan’s mouth finally made its way down his chest to his pectorals, and then over to his nipple. Dan watched as Phil fumbled with the bottle of lube, amused when it slipped out of his hand, and Phil had to chase after it.

Finally, _Phil_ was the impatient, desperate one.

But even as Dan worked his mouth over Phil’s chest, biting at his skin and leaving small, pink marks in his wake, Phil managed to coat his fingers in lube. It took longer than it normally did, but Dan couldn’t bring himself to care when he was having so much fun teasing Phil. Of course, by the time Phil was _done_ , it was his turn to tease Dan, as he reached behind Dan and pressed the tips of his wet fingers against Dan’s rim.

Gasping at the sudden cold feeling, and more than ready for Phil to start working him open, Dan dragged his mouth away from Phil’s chest and sat upright, his hands finding Phil’s shoulders to hold onto him, so that he could push his body into a sitting position, and hold himself there.

“Eager, are we?” Phil taunted, beginning to tease his fingers at Dan’s rim. Moving the tips around in slow circles, Phil continued to tease at him, and Dan was starting to get impatient for _more_.

“ _Yes_ ,” he demanded, shoving his hips backwards against Phil’s hand. “Please, Phil, _fuck_ , just - just - _fuck me already_.” The words weren’t exactly what Dan had meant, but Phil seemed to get the gist of it, as in the next second, he was beginning to press the first finger past Dan’s tight ring of muscles, opening Dan up to him slowly but easily.

A loud moan ripped from Dan’s throat as the feeling of being spread open flared through his body, igniting a flame in his belly and causing his cock to jerk against his thigh. The feeling only seemed to get better with each time they did this, and Dan could do nothing but sink into the sensation as Phil pressed all the way inside.

Phil’s fingers were long and thin, and he had enough experience with Dan by now that he knew _exactly_ what to do to make Dan feel good. He started to work his finger in and out of Dan, taking care to rub along Dan’s walls, and arch his fingers just enough that Dan could feel it stretching him open in a good way. Phil fucked his finger in and out of Dan at a steady pace that set Dan’s nerves alight, and never once relented in the way he rubbed the pad of his finger against every bit of Dan that he could reach.

The feeling of a second finger pressing inside him startled Dan a little. He’d been so lost in the pleasure of the first finger that he hadn’t noticed Phil getting ready to add a second. It felt so fucking good that Dan arched his back in pleasure, and sat up straight so that he could start to work his hips down against Phil. The feeling of Phil’s fingers pressing flush to his body, and then pulling free again, was like heaven, and Dan moving his own hips only made it _better_.

He never wanted the feeling to end, and yet at the same time, he wanted nothing more than for Phil to finish up already so he could _fuck_ Dan.

“Mmfh,” Dan moaned, digging his nails harder into Phil’s shoulders. He was bouncing on top of Phil, now, riding his fingers, and really getting his body working as sweat started to bead on his forehead. “ _More_ ,” he added, once he was able to actually form the word.

Phil did as he was told. He pulled his fingers free from Dan’s body, and pressed a third one in alongside the first two. The stretch this time was a little harder to take, and it burned at the edges of Dan’s mind, but it was no less good than the other two. In fact, the pain only seemed to make it all feel so much better.

As Phil started to find his rhythm moving three fingers inside of Dan, Dan gave in and collapsed forward on top of him once more, sliding his mouth along the edge of Phil’s jaw and placed open mouthed, wet kisses there as he panted. It didn’t take very long for Phil to find Dan’s prostate, and when he did, he worked to hit it with each and every stroke of his fingers inside of Dan, varying the pace and reassure to make Dan wild with it.

A slew of noises escaped Dan nonstop, and for a vague moment, Dan actually felt bad for his new neighbors - neighbors he and Phil should probably try not to piss off right away. But then Phil pressed into his prostate again, rubbing his fingers in tantalizing circles against the hypersensitive bundle of nerves, and Dan forgot everything he was worried about.

The only thing he could focus on was the feeling of Phil’s fingers inside of him, and Phil’s mouth pressing to the side of Dan’s head, beginning to press kisses down the side of his face until he found Dan’s ear, which he nipped gently against.

“Feel good?” Phil asked, voice heavy with lust.

Dan groaned, and nodded his head fiercely, but it didn’t seem to be enough for Phil, because Phil bit down on Dan’s ear again, this time harder. The fast pace of his fingers seemed to slow a little, until Dan was squirming on Phil’s lap.

“Does it _feel good_?” Phil demanded again, his voice growing darker, more intoxicating, with each passing second.

_“Yes!”_ Dan practically screamed, hands scrabbling for purchase on Phil’s arms as he dragged himself upwards to press his lips to Phil’s. He was panting too hard to properly kiss him, but he did his best, opening his mouth to Phil and groaning when Phil kissed him back. Phil’s fingers went back to working in and out of Dan, until Dan was moaning uncontrollably into Phil’s mouth.

“Please, please, please, _fuck_ ,” Dan groaned, dragging his mouth away again. He panted against Phil’s cheek, eyes screwed up in pleasure. Dan could feel heat coiling in his stomach, could feel his body tightening with need, but the fire burning under his veins wasn’t enough. It felt like, no matter how much Phil worked his fingers in and out of Dan, it wouldn’t be enough.

“It’s not enough, it’s not _enough_ ,” Dan begged. “I need you! Fuck me, _please_ ,” he groaned. Phil hummed in response, sounding _pleased_ , and dragged his fingers free from Dan’s body.

“Sit up,” Phil insisted, moving to pull the glove over his hand, and tossing it somewhere on the floor. Dan did his best to do as he’d been instructed, and struggled upwards until he was sat back on Phil’s thighs. All the while, Phil went looking for the condom Dan had dropped somewhere earlier. Once Phil found it, he ripped the latex free, and reached behind Dan to roll it on.

As Dan went to get into position to fuck himself down onto Phil’s cock, however, one of Phil’s hands found his waist, and stopped Dan from moving.

“Wait,” Phil urged breathily. “I wanted to try something.” Phil’s voice was ragged as he panted around the words, clearly just as worked up as Dan was.

Shocked by the sudden change in plans, Dan blinked a couple of times. He and Phil _both_ loved it when Dan rode Phil, so why… but Dan trusted Phil, and if Phil wanted to try something new, then Dan was sure he’d like it.

“Alright,” he replied, easily - desperate for _more_.

Offering Dan a pleased smile, Phil reached reached out to grab the other side of his hip. His fingers were hot against Dan’s over sensitive skin, and he let out a deep, heavy sigh. Dan could practically feel the way his pupils dialated at the touch.

“Come here. Wrap your legs around my waist,” Phil requested as he started to sit up himself. Confused by the position, but willing to do anything that Phil asked of him, Dan let Phil work his body forward until Dan was properly sat on Phil's lap, his legs on either side of Phil’s hips. Phil’s cock nudged at Dan’s bum from underneath, sending a shock wave of pleasure and arousal through Dan.

“Wanna fuck you like this,” Phil explained, reaching between their bodies to grip his cock and guide the head of it to Dan’s rim. “Wanna fuck you with you on my lap. Want you to hold onto me,” he added, urging Dan to do so with a look at his long arms.

Dan reached up and wrapped both arms around Phil’s neck, drawing their bodies impossibly closer.

“Is that okay?” Phil asked, once he finally seemed to have Dan settled exactly the way he wanted him.

Was it okay? _Was it okay?_ Of course it was fucking okay. The way he and Phil were tangled together just then felt almost more intimate than any other position they’d tried, and Dan was _always_ up for trying something new.

Especially in bed with Phil.

“More than okay,” Dan gasped against Phil’s mouth, tilting his head and kissing Phil as deeply as he could to show him _just_ how okay it really was.

The sound Phil made in response went straight to Dan’s cock, and he shuddered on top of Phil as Phil lined himself up with Dan’s rim. Finally, _finally_ , Phil started to press in, the slow slide of his cock causing Dan to moan out, long and low against Phil’s mouth. Phil didn’t stop kissing him. He was panting too, and the kiss was messy and wet with a little too much tongue and far too much saliva as they both responded to the wonderful feeling, but Dan didn’t care that their kiss was sloppy.

How could he care when Phil was pushing inside of him? When Phil's cock was so thick, and long, and _hard_ , and so fucking wonderful pressed against Dan’s walls? When Phil’s hands were grasping his arse, and he was practically hold Dan up, his teeth scraping against Dan’s lips?

Everything about the moment felt like pure ecstacy, and Dan never wanted it to end, even as Phil’s mouth moved from his his to trail kisses down Dan’s neck.

Tipping his head back, Dan let Phil take whatever he wanted, as Dan’s body surrendered to the breach of Phil’s cock. Phil felt so fucking good inside of Dan that Dan could do nothing but curl his fingers against the skin of Phil’s neck, where he was holding on like his life depended on it.

“Ph _iiiil_ ,” Dan whined, as Phil finally bottomed out.

Phil grunted in response, gasping against Dan’s neck, and no longer moving.

“Fuck, _please_ ,” Dan groaned. “Please, please, _touch me_ ,” he begged, as impatient as ever. “Fuck me, Phil, _fuck me_.”

But Phil didn’t. At least not right away. Instead, he stroked and squeezed Dan’s bum in his hands as he panted against Dan’s neck, pressing lazy kisses to the skin there whenever he seemed to have enough self awareness to do so. His cock remained still inside of Dan’s body, and Phil’s hold on him kept Dan from moving, no matter how much he rocked his hips.

Dan’s head fell forward again, and he scrambled at Phil’s shoulders, trying to get him to _move_ , but Phil wasn’t budging, and it was driving Dan _crazy_.

“Phil, _please_ ,” Dan begged, digging his nails into Phil’s skin and _scratching_ the top of his shoulders. He just wanted Phil to _move_. Anything to make the torment end.

Pleasure was building inside of Dan, but it had nowhere to go if Phil refused to _move_.

“Feel so good around me,” Phil rumbled. “God, Dan. Want to stay like this with you forever.” Phil’s head moved from Dan’s neck, and his lips searched for Dan’s until Dan groaned and gave in, opening himself up to a hungry Phil. Phil’s fingers tightened around Dan’s butt cheeks as he kissed him.

“I love you,” Phil whispered into Dan’s mouth at the same time as he pulled his hips back, and finally thrust them forward.

Dan let out a loud keen of pleasure, arching his back into the sensation of finally being fucked. He tore his mouth away from Phil’s with the need to scream in pleasure, and rocked his hips down against Phil’s, matching his movements as best as he could. His hands sought out Phil’s shoulders, desperate as he was to find something to ground him. All he wanted was _Phil_ , as Dan once again wrapped his arms around Phil’s neck and held on tight.

Before he could stop himself, Dan was properly wrapping his legs around Phil’s waist as well, wanting more, wanting to be closer. Phil shifted so he could lean back a little, and fuck up deeper and farther into Dan’s open and willing body.

“Oh god,” Dan groaned, as the slight change in position caused Phil’s cock to press into his prostate. The touch sent tingles of fire up Dan’s spine, and he gasped, throwing his head back in an attempt to gasp in as much air as possible.

It seemed impossible, however. Not with the way Phil was fucking him, his hips pistoning in and out of Dan’s body while his hands kept a tight hold of Dan’s bum, keeping him spread and wide open for Phil to press in and out of. Dan was too busy having the breath knocked out of him to properly breathe at all.

Dan let his head fall forward again in a desperate attempt to look at Phil, and he let their foreheads touch. Their sweaty fringes stuck together as Phil panted against Dan’s mouth, the force of his movements clearing making Phil feel just as good as Dan..

Dan didn’t think he’d ever seen Phil look quite so out of breath, quite so _blissed out_ , before. Of course, sex with Phil was always good, and Phil always seemed to enjoy it, but something about _this_ position seemed to be dragging something very new out of Phil.

“Fuck, fuck, _Dan_ ,” Phil groaned, his eyes falling shut as his thrusts began to grow a little bit less even, a little less coordinated. Phil’s fingers began to slip until he was no longer holding Dan open, merely grasping onto his bum, his cock rocking in and out of Dan more shallowly now.

Pleasure and arousal was beginning to tighten in Dan’s stomach. The feel of Phil’s cock rubbing against him, no matter how slow, was intoxicating. With each passing moment, Dan felt his own hips starting to jerk against Phil’s, working in tandem with each of Phil’s thrusts, until they were both working each other towards orgasm. Dan’s body kept clenching down around Phil’s cock, squeezing deep moans from Phil’s mouth, as Phil buried his face in Dan’s neck. His hands finally moved from Dan’s arse cheeks to wrap around Dan’s waist, and he hauled Dan impossibly closer.

Their stomachs were slick and pressed together, Dan’s cock trapped between them. Phil’s ability to thrust became impeded, and yet somehow, everything felt even better. Phil’s cock head never really seemed to stop pressing into Dan’s prostate, the constant stimulation causing Dan to cry out in ecstasy. Pleasure burned through his core, ripping through his body and sending a shudder up Dan’s spine as he ground his hips down in long, harsh circles, working himself on Phil’s cock, and milking his prostate as best as he could.

Phil’s teeth sunk into Dan’s neck, biting down _hard_ , and a low moan rose up between them.

“Gonna - gonna - gonna co-co-come!” Phil cried out, his thighs tensing underneath Dan.

“No, no, no,” Dan begged, “Please, just a little more!” His voice was high pitched and desperate as he grit his teeth, begging his orgasm to build and crest and wash over him before Phil gave out beneath him - but he wasn’t sure it was going to come. It was building, sure, faster and faster with each passing second, becoming an overwhelming feeling of pure pleasure, but Dan didn’t know if it would be soon enough, if he’d get there before Phil.

“Please. Phil, please, fuck. Please,” Dan begged, breath hot against Phil’s skin.

Phil didn’t respond, but he did tighten his hold around Dan’s waist, and he did pull his mouth away from Dan’s, releasing his teeth from their hold on Dan’s skin.

Suddenly, somehow, Phil shifted just a little and managed to start fucking properly into Dan. His cock shifted, and Phil’s hips started to piston up and down, shoving his cock in and out of Dan as fast as he could. Dan could see Phil gritting his teeth, could see the way his body was shuddering, could tell that pleasure was about to erupt from Phil, and yet Phil just kept going.

Desperate to show Phil just how much Dan appreciated it, he gasped, “Yes, yes, just li-like that, _Phil_.”

Pleasure coursed through Dan’s veins, filling him up, until he felt like he was going to explode. His cock twitched and dribbled between their bellies, desperate to release, and then mercifully, it did.

With a few more strokes of Phil’s cock deep inside of him, pressed right up against Dan’s prostate, Dan felt his orgasm rush over him. It seemed to slam into his chest, and he gasped, breathless, as he came undone, come spurting out between Dan and Phil’s body. Dan collapsed forward into Phil, nearly sending them both sprawling backwards again, but Phil caught them at the last moment.

His hips jerked against Dan’s body, working himself in and out of Dan one, two, three more times before he finally, _finally_ stilled deep inside of Dan’s body. A groan pressed past his lips, and Phil sunk forward to bury his face in Dan’s shoulder once more, only this time, he didn’t bite. Instead, he just breathed heavily against Dan’s skin, while they both worked to come down from their orgasms.

Dan felt amazing. Every last part of him was on fire, but in a _good_ way, and he could feel his senses buzzing. His hips jerked on Phil’s cock a few more times before stilling, and he felt a few last spurts of come slip free from his spent cock.

His body practically collapsed into Phil’s, his thighs shaking as he worked to keep himself in place on Phil’s lap. His ankles were crossed behind Phil’s back, and he clung to Phil’s shoulders to keep them both upright. Everything about the position felt so fucking good that Dan didn’t want to move until he absolutely had too.

It wasn’t until the last of his high slipped away that Dan finally started to feel the ache in his limbs. Phil seemed to feel it at the same time as Dan, because they both shifted at the same time, causing Phil to fall backwards and sending them both crashing down onto the sofa. Phil’s cock slid free from Dan’s body as they fell, drawing an uncomfortable groan from Dan’s lips.

The feeling of being empty was always difficult to get used to afterwards.

Warm hands grasped Dan’s hips before Dan could fully fall on top of Phil, and helped to guide Dan’s body into a more comfortable position on top of Phil. Dan worked his legs out from under Phil before they could go tingly from the pressure, and sighed as his cheek found Phil’s chest.

Underneath him, Phil lay limp and content, clearly worn out.

Comfortably spread out on the sofa, both boys were more easily able to catch their breath, but nothing could pull them apart. Dan had no desire to move anytime soon, and if the way Phil was lazily rubbing circles into Dan’s hips was any indication, Phil didn’t want to either. After a moment, however, Phil did reach behind Dan to pull the condom off, tie it, and drop it on the floor somewhere.

That could be later’s problem.

After a few more minutes of rest, Phil rolled them both over, maneuvering Dan so that they were both on their sides and facing each other. Content with the new position, Dan buried his face in Phil’s neck, breathing in the warm, musky smell of him post sex. Phil always smelled heavenly, but after fucking Dan, there was just something particularly alluring about the scent of his sweat.

Shifting his arms from around Phil’s neck down to his waist, Dan drew their bodies even closer together, not bothering to avoid the come splattered all over both of their abdomens.

Phil tipped Dan’s head up, and found his mouth one last time.

“Mmmm,” Dan hummed against Phil’s lips.

The kiss was soft, sweet, the barest hint of tongue curling against plump lips.

“Welcome home,” Phil murmured with a quiet chuckle as he pulled away, caressing Dan’s cheek. “And congratulations,” he added softly, brushing his mouth over Dan’s forehead in a chaste kiss.

Dan giggled, and burrowed further into Phil, his mouth finding Phil’s neck in a lazy motion of a kiss. “Mmm,” he hummed, unable to find his own voice to form a reply. Phil chuckled, and held Dan closer.

His arms were warm and secure. For the first time in Dan’s life, it really felt like things were falling into place, and the future no longer felt so scary. After all, not only did he finally have his independence, but a promising career, a new sense of self confidence, and, most importantly… _Phil_.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [ tumblr](http://auroraphilealis.tumblr.com), where you can find the whole fic [here](http://auroraphilealis.tumblr.com/post/176602700133/ready-to-let-go)!


End file.
